Dating a Hottie

[book_guy]

Well, there's not much more to say, than the title of the thread -- Dating a Hottie. I know that most hetero males want to date hot-appearing females. I'm a hetero male. I haven't ever really brought about this dream of mine, and I don't really know how to. I find that my experiences at Milovana (and other places like ...) lead me to come to several understandings about my desire for a hottie in my life. And so I thought I'd just talk about them. I wonder if other people have similar experiences or opinions.

First, women can be made AMAZINGLY appealing for the purposes of porn videos. The before-and-after pictures on the 'net make this clear. I would love to date someone who looks like (for example) Dillion Harper or Kiera Winters. But I bet that my date wouldn't look like either of those women unless I brought along the professional make-up crew and lighting experts. Nevertheless, I WANT the level of beauty that the porn industry presents to me.

Second, getting a date and getting laid and getting a long-term girlfriend are often distinct and even contradictory experiences. To get laid like a banshee, one-night-stands regularly, you probably have to present to women something quite different from either what women say they want (and think they ought to want), or from what would make you a likely longer-term prospect. Guys with high incomes as lawyers and doctors probably don't get a lot of one-nighters with porn-type women, even though most women talk about "provider" and tall-dark-reliable being attractive traits. I don't know how to make it come true, I just know that there's a lot of hypocrisy out there.

Third, making yourself happy with what you CAN get, is a sure-fire way to two things: getting more than you would if you complained all the time and didn't do anything; but also, getting less than you want. I really don't know how to beat this, "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you can get what you need." It makes me unhappy to be relegated to always dating women who aren't "good enough" for my desires. Did porn create this?

Fourth, if porn DID create my need for something better than what I can get out of the real world, then, maybe I should do without porn, right? Well, someone suggested that here at Milovana a year ago. (Which is why I'm starting this thread ... a little anniversary reconsideration). I went to one of the Fap-stronaut websites, signed up for a no-masturbation challenge, utterly did without porn for a six-month period, etc. etc.. Didn't do me any good. I found that I was able to eliminate my desire for porn, and even eliminate my desire for sexuality to some degree (for example, I didn't have to masturbate at all for weeks on end and DID NOT NOTICE that there was any build-up of desire or horniness, because there wasn't). But I did not eliminate my desire for female beauty. The women I met in real-life as a no-fapper were just as disappointing as when I met similar women and intrinsically compared them to my porn experiences.

Fifth, well, what to do about it. I have tried the internet's "get laid" solutions -- mPUA, and PU-guru websites, and mASF, and the other websites about pickup skills. I read "The Game" and several other works. I went to the bookstores and got the good (and bad) versions of books about how women's minds work differently from men's. I involved myself in new social activities, signed up for weekend volleyball that kind of crap. I have developed a more pro-active social life. I have joined groups that are inherently and unavoidably mixed-gender (figure sketching; choirs; co-ed sports). I have now completed a professional degree and I run my own business and do NOT attend a regular cubicle like Dilbert, so, that' much is good: I'm not someone else's bitch, I'm my own boss. But ya know? It didn't make any difference. You have to have a happenin' life, something you're happy about, in order to share it with someone else. You can't just go out there to get a person to add to an otherwise drab life. Well, my life is happenin', mostly. But that doesn't mean that the THRESHOLD phenomenon, of someone ENTERING into my life to share it, has taken place, or ever will take place. Entirely possible to be a delightful vigorous outgoing sexy guy, and single until I die. Furthermore, the whole "good life means good women" thing is about longer-term dating. I just want a hottie -- short-term or long, what I want is the pussy, not necessarily the relationship. I know I know, women don't want to see it that way. They ACT it that way, when they want just dick they get just dick and no relationship; but supposedly I'm to be all politically correct and want a relationship instead of just pussy. Fuck that. Heh.

No seriously, I LIKE relationships. Like, boyfriendsie-girlfriendsie stuff. That's kewl stuff. It's fun. It's nice to bond with someone. I think I'm pretty good at being a boyfriend. Maybe I'm too good at it -- thinking about her desires, making sure not to pressure her, all that letting-her-be-herself stuff that probably miscommunicates the ideas of weakness, lack of leadership or stability, failure to be dominant. And anyway, relationship sex is only as good or bad as non-relationship sex. This thread is, for me, about getting better sex. Relationships can be a means to that end, or a hindrance. I'd love (also) to have a great relationship. Sexuality is probably closely related to that idea, but that thought about how to improve a relationship isn't the real subject of my thoughts here. It's another thread.

As much as I want to believe, that you really are the master of your own life, I am learning, that some things just don't change. I kind-of think, "Well, change is just around the corner, next try will be the one that BREAKS THROUGH and makes all the past effort worth it." But I kind-of also think, "It will remain just the same, the hot girl will go home with the dumb muscular abusive OTHER GUY no matter how big my muscles are, how abusive I learn to be, or how dumb I act." And I kind-of think, "The only solace I've ever gotten from all this shit, is really learning to HATE women." That's sad. I don't WANT to hate the way women have controlled manipulated harmed me and, most important, denied me happiness in their arms and pussies.

I'm getting older. I'm in my mid-forties now. I used to have these complaints back when the internet was young. I bet I could find, under a different alias, some very similar language from 1995. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

So, here's what I want: I want Dillion Harper or Kiera Winters or ANYONE ELSE WHO LOOKS AS HOT AS THEM to want to be with me, want to fuck me, enjoy pleasing me. I'll have a relationship with 'em, sure. But I don't want the whole "You have to learn to manipulate me cruelly so that you control my mind" lecture (which I get at mASF or other PUA-guru sites, in some similar form) unless it ACTUALLY WORKS to get the girl. Chicks dig pleasing guys, no lie. Well. Get me a hot chick who digs pleasing me. Simple concept. I did the PUA thing. I did the better-life thing. I did the younger-girl-older-guy thing. I did the stick-with-it thing. I did the weekend-volleyball thing. I did the Zen thing. I did the don't-want-it-or-you'll-never-get-it thing. I did the appreciate-what-you-already-have thing. I did the hotness-in-porn-is-faked-by-lighting-and-makeup thing. I did the no-more-porn thing. I did the less-sex thing. I did the more-sex thing. I even did the make-your-sex-drive-go-away-by-taking-Prozac thing. What other thing is there to do? Why don't any of them work for me.

There ya go. I'm done. Say what you will.

[Nezhul]

I would love to date someone who looks like (for example) Dillion Harper or Kiera Winters. But I bet that my date wouldn't look like either of those women unless I brought along the professional make-up crew and lighting experts.

While true about porn, I often see girls that look no worse than movie/porn stars, at least dressed. So It's possible.

[jackstock]

It will work eventually. I get you on the whole thing about women wanting something different than they say.
Women are cute little things with cute little sexual perks just like you. They want to be taken away by you.
It's not about you wanting a hottie. You CANT CHANGE THAT. Don't try to change it. Just stop worrying about your desires as if theres something wrong with that.

(I do the no-fap or no-porn thing sometimes, and it works awesome for me)

[AliceInBondageLand]

My own experience is that hot chicks don't ever get asked out on dates because everyone assumes they must be "taken."

For example, I am a hot porn chick that has been single for 8 months.

[getiton]

The wrong thing to do is to assume all girls are the same and/ or to put them on a pedestal. When you see a girl you find attractive start with a casual conversation before starting to flirt with them if things start to go well but do NOT suck up to them, flirtatious banter is part of the fun and most girls appreciate it. Alcohol helps the conversation flow naturally and will give you a confidence boost when approaching women, obviously only in the right environment. You do have to remember though that most of the girls in porn are tarted up and look bang average without their make-up on, if you want to have sex with tarted up girls then nightclubs are an excellent place to start.