Inspired...

[pagankinktress]

Hello sexy friends,

After reading through some of the very cool and interesting responses on the "Captured, Bound and At The Mercy Of.." thread, I got to thinking....(and once I start thinking and the wheels begin to turn, there's no telling where I'll end up!)

Many of you shared fantasies about who would be ideal, or not so ideal, (but kinky nonetheless) in terms of dominating you. My question to you is, what do you think makes a good domme/dom? If you are into D/s, what are some of the traits you look for or fantasize about that would represent *your* ideal domme to you? Is she a bitch on wheels? Wicked and deviant, but with a sweet side? A no-nonsense, "let's get down to using you" femme fatale? Quietly controlling? Sadistic? Anything else?

[cikinit23]

Personally I think it's a bit of a mix. It's important to have common fetishes and likes, preferably also common dislikes as well. I like someone who definately has that wicked bitch side to them, someone who can be sadistic, but also isn't the queen of mean all the time. I believe it is extremely important to communicate, you have to have personalities that mix well, I think, for both people to really let themselves go and enjoy each other. I am also drawn to serving a powerful woman, I certainly don't mind a sweet seductive Domme on occasion but I truly enjoy someone with a predominantly firm and controlling personality.

[subboytom]

Personally I like a woman who seduces me, without necessarily using all the trappings and toys of a domme. The hottest is a woman who can have a genuine conversation with me, but when she wants to, dress or speak in such a way that my mouth just drops, and I'm incapable of thinking of anything else.

[Makarov]

A woman who approaches the sex in a similar manner to a health insurance company: with a friendly smile for show, but she's really just manipulating you in the background, and you won't find out until it's too late. Actually that kind of sounds like the femme fatale in all Bond films.

[dark]

Hi pagankinktress and welcome to Milovana

To answer your question:

Honesty,
Responsibility,
Respect,
Understanding D/S as a special thing not as a service for money.

The rest depends on the domme. If she is intelligent and creative the journey can start. But it's not enough to have a good domme. The sub also has a lot of duties like:

Honesty,
Loyalty,
Putting as much effort as possible to see and fulfill the needs of the domme,
Not being too passive all the time, no woman likes to make ANY decision for a sub or for herself,
Handle the craving to get her attention: means try to not annoy her with asking for this and that,

If these points come together a D/S relationship can work. But I forgot the thing what spices up a D/S thing most:

[cikinit23]

"A woman who approaches the sex in a similar manner to a health insurance company: with a friendly smile for show, but she's really just manipulating you in the background"

Rarely have I thought of sex and a health insurance company at the same time lol

[pagankinktress]

Thanks for the comments and shared insights so far. Often there are certain stereotypes that get associated when we think of what a "domme" is or isn't. It also comes down to context too, I believe. What might be hot during a kinky sex or femdomme scene might not in any other situation. Honestly, I am not sure too many submissives would want to be around a domme who is a sadistic wench 24/7! But, I could be wrong... It's interesting to me to think about what makes people tick.

[cikinit23]

I think there is certainly a fantasy that people have of serving someone who is just completely evil and bitchy all the time without stop. However, at least personally, I would want at least some sort of time where I know my Mistress at least respects me as a human being lol. Certainly we all have different attractions but I think in the back of one's mind there is that curiosity about what it would be like to serve that total bitch. Or maybe I'm just weird lol.

[irish2222]

for me it is all about connection, a human connection, with humor, and being real.
if she is ice its a turn off
if she laughs and smiles and enjoys being with me
i want to be with her and serve and suffer my ass off

irish

[Jobicek]

Well it depends. When you think of BDSM as a scene (as you should in my opinion), any of these is good as I prefer diversity. There are few things that are important in my eyes:

1) No playing. Nothing bores me more that girl that isn't herself. Dom should be relaxed, confident and enjoying the scene. This may be very specific for me. It's because I'm dominant and I switch only when I want to get familiar with dom side of certain girl. So I'm trying to experience her, not a bad theater :)

2) She has to be able to separate BDSM and rest of her life - as I do. This is sex, not a life. I could go to my summer house for weekend sex play with completely wicked heartless bitch. But there is no way I could live with such as person. I have very specific requirements for my partner, but I'm very flexible in sex (just too curious). So she can be femme fatale one day and wicked bitch another as long as she respects me and looks up to me.

3) Because I'm dominant I prefer not to give up (novices doesn't count - I don't play with them I tutor them). And I don't like physically superior girls - it's not feminine, I prefer petite cuties. So she must be resourceful enough to get me under her control and keep me that way. It doesn't matter how - anything from seducing me and tricking me into it to beating the crap out of me by single tail. It's good when method suit her role.

4) She has to care about my physical and mental health - always under any circumstances. I'm not a safe word guy so I have to know that she would never hurt me in any way. With this goes number five:

5) She has to know what she is doing. I always ensure that before I let anyone play with me.

You should remember that being dominant is about giving - only thing on your mind should be giving mind blowing experience to your sub.

PS: Only thing from commonly used (and wanted) things I don't do is humiliation. Lesser is better. It's because I find it very hard to leave those very strong emotions behind in bedroom and one day it would eventually leak out. That day would be start of the end.