FB: Sibling Rivalry

[d3vi0n]

Played part 1.

Love it so far. Your writing style is second to none. Again a masterpiece in setting and story (and in my opionion also better than your previous double agent series).

For the "gameplay" two suggestions (spoilers also for double agent series!):

Spoiler: show

One thing i didn't love in the double agent series was the fact, that the girls made it pretty obvious that will be no chance for an orgasm throughout the whole (pretty long) series. Sure its a matter of personal taste, but for me it gets boring if i know that there is not the slightest chance to cum (even a ruined on) in this tease and all the following parts. My suggestion is to keep the player guessing if there will be a small chance. Thats why i liked the first part for "Sibling Rivalry" more. Even without the ruined orgasm it would be better, because the girls created the possibility that there will be an orgasm sometimes soon. You still can go the denial route, but the uncertainity is what makes it fun to play for me.

Second suggestion: keep the "rythm" fresh. You need an arc of suspense including some surprise along the way. Just like a good movie or book. Your story is great in that sense but the "gameplay" tends to be predictable and repetitive. Double agent consisted mostly of switching between free stroking followed by a insane longe edge (as long as i played). Then it would just start over and over again. For me it gets boring after a while, if i know what "gameplay" comes next. As a sidenote for my personal taste: an insane long edge is ok in the third act of an tease but not so much fun as the only way to edge throughout the whole tease. My suggestion would be to mix things more up. There are so many possibilites (maybe even some mild punishment like slapping balls)

I just don't mess with TeaseMe myself because I don't like the left/right format. I prefer the top/bottom format of Nyx.

I agree with you on the left/right in Teasme versus the top/bottom in a normal flashtease - much easier to read with the text on the bottom, but the low quality of pics online is kind of a bummer.

I can understand that. But: Most people use widescreen monitors. The left / right format is the best format to maximize the image on widescreen monitors and that was my initial goal for TeaseMe. Who knows... maybe there will be an optional format in TeaseMe sometime in the future.

[1885]

Your story is great in that sense but the "gameplay" tends to be predictable and repetitive. Double agent consisted mostly of switching between free stroking followed by a insane longe edge (as long as i played). Then it would just start over and over again. For me it gets boring after a while, if i know what "gameplay" comes next.

I'm going to un-spoiler this part of what you said, because I would actually love to get a dialogue going about this.

My philosophy of writing webteases has always been to distill it down to a simple premise, and that's this: You're either stroking or you're not. You can have one page that says stroke 50 times, and that can lead to one that makes you stroke for 30 seconds, and that can lead to one that makes you stroke for 30 more, but bottom line you're either stroking or you're not.

What I loved most about doing webteases was the parts when the girls would taunt you. Usually the things they implied were way hotter than the things they actually made me do. So when I started writing The Ex, I had the idea to just simplify the stroking (you're either stroking or you're not), and use the timers to create the illusion of the girl talking and taunting you like she would if she was actually there.

My idea was to have the reader stroke without worrying about it, and just be bombarded with a constant stream of taunts and threats wrapped up in an overall narrative to give it all drama or weight.

And that's 1885 style in a nutshell.

That being said, I have wondered if the format's gotten stale. There's nothing stopping me from mixing up the strokes with specific instructions to edge, stop, wait, cbt, overstimulate or what have you, it just hasn't fit into my philosophy to do so.

I'm curious if other people want me to keep doing like I'm doing (keep the stroking simple and focus on what the girls say), or make my teases more instructional so that you don't quite know what you're going to be doing to yourself. If anyone has an opinion on this, please speak up even if you just pm me. I've been wondering about it for a while.

[d3vi0n]

ok Then lets start a dialogue

stay true to your style! Most important: don't distract with complicated gameplay from your story. For example forcing the player to count strokes or follow a metronome would to much distract.

All i suggested was to tweak your gameplay just a tiny little bit to make a bit less predictable and repetitive. That means basically: change the "rythm" sometimes. Maybe say "stroke slow / fast" instead of just "stroke" sometimes. Or instead of holding edges suddenly use a edge / stop rythm. Occasionally add some surprises like "stand up / kneel", "massage your balls while stroking" or mild punishment ("slap your cock/balls" for example). Use it rarely to change your normal rythm and it will spice things up a bit.

Thats just my 2 cents... Anyway your teases are always great!

[jackstock]

simple stroking with focus on what they are saying is best.

Such an amazing tease, keep making more

[AllanM]

Whatever your style, it works 1885. I was just thinking that this was one of the best flash teases I've seen in awhile. I'm sure many elements or aspects of it have been done on their own, but you seem to keep bringing the right things together.

I personally prefer metronome style stroking built in. To me, that's the most simple form of direction and control. It's direct, you don't have to read anything to know "how many" times you're supposed to stroke, or the worst, having to calculate how many per second/minute you need to be doing given the time allotted. Also, even though I may have a personal preference or dislike to certain styles or forms, a mixed variety always seems to add to any tease. Keeping things mixed up a bit helps keep it from becoming monotonous or boring.

Of course, having a good dialog and story will also keep things from getting boring. This in my opinion is one of your strong points, which you should not lose.

Keep up the great work, and waiting with great anticipation for the next part :D

[Incubo]

I don't really have anything to say about the stroking/mixture discussion. I don't "do" teases anyway, i just read them, so I'm not really in much of a position to make a judgement on that aspect of it. I am interested in what others think though because it might impact the way I write as well.

As for the story, I am interested to see where this story line goes because I have one sort of big question lingering in my mind, and I'm hoping that you'll eventually get around to answering it. It's a character question though, not a teasing one and I don't want you to spoil anything, so I won't ask it just yet. You've got me hooked into reading it though, so it's obviously working.

[1885]

stay true to your style! Most important: don't distract with complicated gameplay from your story. For example forcing the player to count strokes or follow a metronome would to much distract.

I hear you there. You know, I actually despise the metronome. A tease has to be really really good for me to tolerate it, and by "tolerate" I mean turn the volume off instead of closing it immediately. I know a lot of people like it and that's cool, but man it kills immersion for me.

Maybe say "stroke slow / fast" instead of just "stroke" sometimes. Or instead of holding edges suddenly use a edge / stop rythm.

That's good advice. I experimented with this a little bit in part 3. I think mixing it up a little is good, as long as I'm blending it in to my style instead of replacing it outright. Which is what you're saying in the first place I think.

simple stroking with focus on what they are saying is best.

Of course, having a good dialog and story will also keep things from getting boring.

Yeah that's definitely where my priorities are at. Simple stroking, sadistic story.

I don't "do" teases anyway, i just read them

That's one of the reasons I've been curious about my format. I've actually come across people talking about my teases on other sites, and some people have said they don't actually "do" my teases, but they want to read them, so it becomes a slog to go through them and wait for the words to change. I'm kinda thinking that's just the nature of the medium though - nice to see I'm getting so much of Salamando's audience, even if I'm aggravating them. I have worked on fine-tuning the timing over the years, but sometimes letting the tension hang in the air for the benefit of the stroker has got to take precedence.

As for the story, I am interested to see where this story line goes because I have one sort of big question lingering in my mind, and I'm hoping that you'll eventually get around to answering it. It's a character question though, not a teasing one and I don't want you to spoil anything, so I won't ask it just yet.

Can you pm me the question if I promise not to answer it? I'm curious.

I appreciate all the feedback I've gotten on this question, and on the series so far. It's really been a big help to me. And speaking of the series...

Part 3 is up, and it's tease #21885. How sweet is that?

[elvisomar]

An interesting discussion. I sometimes like the metronome, but what I like about it is the obedience. I must do what I am told, in the manner prescribed—that really turns me on. I agree with 1885 that the way it is often implemented it can pull me out of the fantasy world the tease script is supposed to invoke.

Where I agree with the original comment from d3vi0n is with this: If I know I will not be allowed to cum, it takes some of the fun out of it. If I know I will always have to hold my edge, it takes some of the fun out of it. I like a roller coaster ride, where I can't see the ending.

Different tease writers accomplish this in different ways. Some people make endlessly variable labyrinths, and those are fun. Others make a single story that truly makes me feel like I am inside of it, which is what you do, 1885. I wouldn't want you to change your style. But, if you think you might be a little predictable, then maybe do something unexpected within the constraints that are important to you? Don't be afraid to experiment, is all. It appears you have done so with great success so far. The only thing I'd like to see more of in your teases are more buttons that say "If your name is Elvis, click here" ;)

The current tease might be my favorite of yours thus far. Love both models, and though I find it easy to embrace the fundamental premise, on a purely aesthetic level I'd do anything Hailey asked me to do. She rings a good number of my bells. I like the construct, and I like the unanswered questions: Are they in cahoots, or not? Is mom in on it at some level as well? Honestly, I don't want to know until I'm in a space where learning the answer will make my heart sink and my cock throb with anticipation.

Thanks for sharing, my friend. It's very much appreciated.

[shizuyami]

I definetly like your style of writing. I get sucked into the story and its amazing! It's almost as if I am there : )

I have done a lot of flash teases and personally think that this serie has the best story in a flashtease so far. Keep up the good work! Looking forward to part 4 .

[janmb]

The 3rd part was another splendid installment! Loved it!

The spoiler IS a spoiler, don't click if you haven't done part 3....

Spoiler: show

Especially loved the long edge hold... Longest yet in any of your teases I think. Not such a big point in its own right, but combined with the exquisite immersion storytelling it was pretty damn intense! Keep it coming


I'd also like to second dev's feedback. Your storytelling is beyond ridiculous good, but the game play tends to be a little predictable and repetitive. It's probably not easy to find good ways to mix things up and still have it fit complex storylines, but it would give your teases an even larger lead in the "best author of all times" race here on milo. There are tons of other teases that twist things up splendidly. Authors such as ruinedoh, sexytimes, ritz/decker, venus, devion etc are great at that. Maybe some of those ideas could occasionally be incorporated into your stories? Because your storytelling is so far beyond anything else on this site it's almost not funny lol

[1885]

I wouldn't want you to change your style. But, if you think you might be a little predictable, then maybe do something unexpected within the constraints that are important to you? Don't be afraid to experiment, is all.

I definetly like your style of writing. I get sucked into the story and its amazing! It's almost as if I am there : )

Your storytelling is beyond ridiculous good, but the game play tends to be a little predictable and repetitive.

Thanks for all the great feedback guys. I just posted part 4, and I followed your advice to experiment with some things a little, while still remaining true to my overall style. Let me know what you think. It's a process.

The only thing I'd like to see more of in your teases are more buttons that say "If your name is Elvis, click here" ;)

That would make any tease better imho.

[ThomasKu]

That being said, I have wondered if the format's gotten stale. There's nothing stopping me from mixing up the strokes with specific instructions to edge, stop, wait, cbt, overstimulate or what have you, it just hasn't fit into my philosophy to do so.

I'm curious if other people want me to keep doing like I'm doing (keep the stroking simple and focus on what the girls say), or make my teases more instructional so that you don't quite know what you're going to be doing to yourself. If anyone has an opinion on this, please speak up even if you just pm me. I've been wondering about it for a while.

First of all your story telling skills are great and I love your teases. But there's one thing that kind of bothers me. When a new teasing-series (like Double Agent or the current Sibling Rivalry) starts, it kind of sucks you into this world while reading the first part. It's new, exciting and there seems to be one great conflict going on within the main character. But as the story continues, all this tension and conflict just vanishes and it's just about stroking again, without the story being pushed forwards.

There's nothing wrong with the simplicity you talked about. In the end it's always about stroking or not stroking. Everybody knows that. But to me it's a huge difference between the story leading you into this action with some breaks in between, or if there is just one character telling you to do so.

Have a quick look at Sibling Rivalry 3 (haven't read part 4 yet...)

Spoiler: show

There's actually nothing going on in part 3. It's just her telling him to stroke, to edge, to pause. She counts him down sometimes and so on...
But while reading it, I have to ask myself, why is he even doing it? The tension of the previous part is completely gone. There is nobody around who could sneak a peak at what they are actually doing. So nobody stops him from just grabbing his girl and get rid of his built up tension. After all he could just tell her what her sister has in mind anyway.
Part 3 just doesn't continue the story. He was already completely desperate from the beginning and after reading part 3 it's, well, the same.

That being said, I hope that kind of interlude will be kept a bit shorter in future parts. So we all can focus a bit more on the overall story.

Keep up the good work!

[1885]

Keep up the good work!

Hi Thomas, thanks for the feedback!

I actually feel like I can't address the majority of your post until I finish this series, because I would have to get into too much I haven't gotten into yet. I will say this that might help with one of the points in your spoiler tag though.

Unlike my previous teases, the protagonist in Sibling Rivalry is not a cipher. He's his own character with his own story. He talks much more than my other "victims" did, and he does a lot more to impact events around him. As a reader of this series, you're seeing the world through his eyes as opposed to directly guiding his choices, so a lot of what you described is

Spoiler: show

his acting out of a personal desire to fulfill a cherished girlfriend's wishes as opposed to being acted upon by an outside force. The situation with Hailey makes that very difficult, but he's doing his best to see it as a separate problem he might extricate himself from.

[janmb]

Your storytelling is beyond ridiculous good, but the game play tends to be a little predictable and repetitive.

Thanks for all the great feedback guys. I just posted part 4, and I followed your advice to experiment with some things a little, while still remaining true to my overall style. Let me know what you think. It's a process.

Sounds great - so glad to see someone taking positive criticism the right way for once - all too often in life people get all defensive and offended by any sort of suggestions for improvement.... Fortunately not so much on this site, but in life in general...

And I'm sure no one would want you to let go of your general style - it's what makes your teases stand above all others all the time

[Only_Ruined]

I've finished up to part 4, and I loved it. I love the simplicity of your stroking or not stroking idea, and I think you should keep it up. However, I too would love to see some other things sprinkled in there such as CBT, spanking, or some rope/shoelace, oh how I love the things that can be done with a little bit of rope. .

Most of all though the story is great, and it keeps me engaged. I love a good denial series, but if I'm not into the story or I don't connect with the characters then I just can't keep it up. With your stories though I feel like I have a connection and a reason to continue on suffering for the characters. In fact, I can't start another tease until this one ends, because I feel obligated to keep up my end of the deal as the viewer.

For me if there is one thing I think goes hand-in-hand with denial it is ruined orgasms! As you can tell by my name I love them , or I love hating them actually. They are such a dreadful thing, bringing both short term and long term pain, and there are few acts as humiliating as ruining your own orgasm for the one who controls it. The point though is that I think ruined orgasms are a vital part of your teases, and they are something I just don't see often enough.

Lastly, I have a personal preference to share. I would love a little cum play. I just hate to see all of those ruined juices go to COMPLETE waste!

But really your teases are AMAZING !