Sorry Milovana, I need somewhere to vent and hopefully hear some encouraging words.
I have recently found out someone I really like is getting married, and im pretty upset about this. Mostly because I really like them but whats really getting to me is the niggle in the back of my head that's telling me I am not meeting people, she was a once in a blue moon and as I am getting older the likelyhood is anyone I do meet will be married/ in a relationship.
Anyone else felt the same way I do? Is there an easy way out of this rut?
I know this isnt very on topic, but I really needed to vent somewhere.
Shit happens when you don't want it to; as long as you keep getting out there and ignoring the obvious.
A lifetime's lesson in so few words.
I think its the getting out there which is hard. I am currently stuck in a pretty busy job working more hours than I would like to and my already small social circle is rapidly decreasing as friends have either moved away or are currently moving away. I am not in a very female friendly field and actually its not a great field for making good male buddies either. I am finding work to be quite isolating.
I really need to reinvent my social life, I have no idea how to do this, work saps a lot of my time and I feel like even if I did manage to sort things out there... get out and meet people, odds are as time goes on im beating my head against a brick wall as odds are anyone I do meet who I am interested in romantically is taken.
Im lucky I have a great immediate family because otherwise I would feel pretty lonely right now.
When you're getting older the socially allowed age difference between you and a potential partner grows.
Don't worry every day the amount of potential partners is increasing.
At least that's with the average demographic of western europe and an age < 37 (not sure about this number)
At the risk of sounding really stupid.... if you want to meet people you've got to get out there. There are lots and lots of things to do and many can be found online. Some might seem dumb, but think about it - cooking classes, bowling leagues, dance classes. Online these days there are lots of "meet-ups" of various kinds. There are also lots of groups that do outdoor adventure activities - canoeing, kayaking, snorkeling, etc. Join some of these groups. My favorite group ever was when I joined a choreographed hip-hop/contemporary dance class. It was a little tough at first, but then I got really good at it. And I was really motivated by the very hot women in the class. Of course there were a lot a women and only a few of us boys. And don't even ask me about the knock-out instructor telling me what to do. Ouch. And the women always loved us for being there :)
Don't get caught in the rut of work and home. Join some groups and get out there. You never know who you might bump into!!!!
My friend what I'm about to tell you might sound harsh and you might call me crazy but at least take it into consideration.
If you have a very time consuming job which leaves you almost with no spare time for YOURSELF maybe you should consider quitting it. I know it's a long step but overworking yourself doesn't get you anywhere. You could find an other job that suits your timetable better so you can have spare time to go out.
If not there will be a time when you'll say "I've done nothing in my life but work"
Don't misjudge me. I'm not against working or having a full-time job that's enough to pay your bills but there is more in life than money.
If that's not the case and your problem is about going out meeting new people then there is only one way out but you won't like it. The solution of being afraid to meet new people is going out and meet new people. It's scary I know but consider it as if you are facing your fears. Don't expect to find a BFF right from the start or a girlfriend. It's more about getting to overcome your fear and become a social person. WE humans are tuned to be social but our lifestyles/society/work holds us back.
If you ever make it that far, finding friends or even a partner will come naturally without any effort
"When you're good no one remembers, when you're bad no one forgets"
The logic is here to help you =D.
There are 2 paths:
1.
What is so special about this person that you like them?
Isn't there someone else like this out there?
Why are you so attached to this one person?
Be strong and move on.
2.
It's the systems fault and I AM blaming capitalism for all your problems, because it is the only problems.
You don't know what your missing because that this is a real society which is not in your life.
My humble suggestion echoes the replies you've already received. I suggest you simultaneously: 1) get "out" there, by doing more social activities like tennis lessons, dance lessons, golf lessons, yoga class, zumba, dog agility training (if you have a dog), etc.; while also 2) stop "trying" to meet someone special in the process. In other words, expose yourself to more people, but relax and set aside all expectations. Desperation is unattractive. But confidence and independence are highly attractive.
Even if you believe the premise that everyone you meet is already "taken," I know for a fact that married women are always on the lookout for attractive single, mature, well-dressed, well-employed ($$) men to introduce to that one girl in their social circle who "can't seem to find a man." They play the love game as a team, not as individuals. It's quite genius. But you can use it to your advantage. So don't sweat the "at my age, everybody's taken" thing. Make yourself available and attractive, and the team will help you out.
