Introducing T&D to a partner

[chefboyrdee]

This is my first time posting, so bear with me here. I did a search of the forum, and I couldn't find a similar topic. So I've been dating my girlfriend for about 8 months now, and I've had a tease and denial fetish for at least 2 years now. It really turns me on to read the webteases and such here and I've always liked being told what to do through Tease and denial instructional videos. She's my first sexual partner, so you can imagine I was extremely nervous in telling her anything about my fetishes especially when in my mind I've always kind of seen this as odd (along with some other fetishes that I have). So I finally told her about the T&D fetish I have, and I asked if she could give me a hand job with edging and tease me a lot along with some light ball busting (which she has done in the past), and me asking her permission to cum. She said that she would be fine trying it, but the two times I've asked her she said she's not really in the mood for something like that. The second time I asked, she told me to stop asking and that if I asked she would probably not be in the mood, and it would have to be something that she brings up herself.

Did I introduce it to her in an odd way? It's rather frustrating because I'm very open to exploring with sex (I want to get a vibe to use with sex too, and do some roleplay with costumes) while she seems to be only open to things that she wants (she likes handcuffs on her, or on me. It's frustrating because I feel like she's being sexually selfish in that sense, and I really don't know how to bring it up with her. It also seems that I give much more oral sex that she does, which I don't mind giving, but I'd like some in return...

We have sex almost everyday if not every other day, I just want to spice it up a bit on weekends and I'm unsure how to approach this really with her being my first sexual partner and all. We're both 19 by the way.

Any information is very much appreciated. I'm very to new to doing anything other than the basics with a partner.

[SexualChoc]

I am married to my wife
and she is my domme

and have given some help

but I need to know something

are you also female?
as in female/female relationship?
or are you a guy..

it does change how I suggest things...

I apologies for asking but your profile does not say

and I do not assume these things on this site.

[1885]

So I finally told her about the T&D fetish I have, and I asked if she could give me a hand job with edging and tease me a lot along with some light ball busting

are you also female?
as in female/female relationship?
or are you a guy..

[DellaRoss]

yeah i second that 1885

i have never heard talk of a girl receiving a handjob or having their balls busted for that matter, we girls are kinda missing the right parts for that.

on to the OP's question. i have heard of stranger ways for guys bringing it up. one had a guy who i met on a vanilla dating site tell me "i like to stick things up my ass. is that gonna be a problem?"

that being said i would give her some time. you are asking her to do a fairly dominate thing by teasing and denying you imo. ands then you are bugging her to do it. If she is not into T and D she would indeed have ot be in the right mood to do it. so bare with her. how would you feel if she was the one asking you to try a fetish you were not sure you were into?

hope that helps
Della the Blackbird

[chefboyrdee]

I thought it was obvious, but I'm male...

how would you feel if she was the one asking you to try a fetish you were not sure you were into?
Della the Blackbird

I would tell her I'm hesitant to try it and that she would have to understand that I would need to be in the right mood to do so. My gf told me she'd be willing to try without much hesitancy really. I suppose I wish she'd tell me if she isn't into it, or if it's something she is hesitant to try. Though I do understand your perspective. I'll back off for a while, but I definitely want to bring it up again soon because this is something that I've always wanted to try.

Side note: I'm being a lumberjack for halloween and she's being a french maid, so we decided to try some roleplay after a party we are going to this saturday with our costumes. Hopefully that'll open her mind up a bit more with trying more things.

[Nezhul]

there can always be a situation that she's not into the fetish. She may be submissive herself to start with.
People are different. And I don't think you may call it "Being selfish". Sex is something you should experience pleasure with, thus you should do only things enjoyable. If she's not really into it, well, nothing much you can do about it.
I wouldn't press her on that. Also you may try to put it in gradually. Having her do a handjob with endging and asking for permission - is leaping right in the middle of it.

Also did you consider she may actually LIKE seeing you cum? And that she may feel bad if denying you even if that's your fetish? Or she doesn't want to be in control too?

Also you may try suggesting trying a switch week with her. That is, one week she does everything you want her do and you tie her up, etc, and the other week she does the same to you. For one thing you don't annoy her by mentioning OD at all. Just power exchange. She likes handcuffs, she must be liking it too. Don't go extreme, do somelight bondage, some submissive stuff like putting her hands behind your back while she's sucking your cock kneeling, make her dress up for you in the clothes you want in front of you, etc. Have HER pleasing you more in sex, like riding you, sucking cock, presenting herself (like opening up asscheeks, arching her back to present pussy, getting into positions you want). Maybe make her say things you want. Masturbating in front of you - always a submissive act. Spank her if she likes it...
OK I'm getting carried away. So during the week give her an edging session once, anlso you may try while fucking her make her say when she's about to cum, and pull out. Make sure she gets satisfied by the end of the day and don't get her to ask permission. Do that on the basis of "Not yet, I want you to stay horny a bit longer". That way she gets kinda taste of it, and when her turn comes - who knows what she'll do? Maybe it'll work, something like that.

[chefboyrdee]

Also you may try suggesting trying a switch week with her.

hmm, I'll give that a shot. That sounds hot as hell to me haha. And I like the idea of the excuse being "I want to keep you horny."

To be honest, I considered she didn't like it, but I wasn't sure if she'd tell me whether or not she does or doesn't. If the case is she doesn't like it, then I wish she'd tell me so I'm not led on to believe that it'll happen in the future.

[Nezhul]

Don't be so eager and desperate, and it'll happen. If you keep on thinking about it and asking her - chances she'll get turned off by the very idea.
What'd you do if she don't like it? Leave her?

[chefboyrdee]

What'd you do if she don't like it? Leave her?

I don't think I'd leave her. It would factor into a final decision later if some sort of thing were to happen though. I wouldn't force her to do it or anything like that. Though I'd like if she'd try other things with me...

[Sisyphuster]

Hey Chef,

I'm going through the same thing right now, trying to get a new girl I'm seeing into T&D. We've only been together 4 months and we haven't talked about it much, but I can tell it's not something she'd likely come to on her own, so this is how I'm introducing it, maybe you'll like this tactic....

I'm doing it to her. When I go down on her, I get her close to the edge and then stop. It's funny, because she gets confused and a little pissed, but her orgasms are bigger when I finish her off. I plan on doing this more and more, and I think she'll start to understand what I'm talking about by "denial"

Phuster