Good evening, Ms. Shell.
I was very sorry to hear via Banquo that you are not feeling well today. Please accept my best wishes for a speedy recovery, be it physical, psychological, or whatever else you need. Perhaps I can cheer you up a bit with this report of my journey through your tease?
First, thank you for respecting my psychological limits on hard-core, long-term denial and abandonment. While I do deeply enjoy intense play (figured that one out yet?), I have my peculiar limits and am happy to see that you can accomodate them. This only deepens my already considerable respect for you. If you ever need to "punish" me, I have suggestions... rather a
lot of them, actually, so I'm quite sure we can reach a meeting of the minds in that regard. Though if we are to be completely truthful here -- which I usually find advisable -- you don't need an excuse to "punish" me: I am a masochist; just tell me what you want to do to me and you'll very probably get enthusiastic cooperation, especially if you show enjoyment of the process.
Second, on a more technical note, I'm a bit unsure how you prefer to be addressed. A small thing, I know, but... your profile does say you dislike it when people make assumptions about you. I've been using
"Ms. Shell". I have observed a variety of other names on the forum.
"Miss" (especially without a name following) sounds kind of nice, referring to a somewhat antique usage compared to modern English.
"Mistress" could be nice if you like it; I just worry that it's trite due to its appearance in every single fantasy you hear.
"Ma'am" works if you like it; and though this may occasionally pop out of my mouth since I associate it with politeness, some women don't like it. All kinds of alternatives exist, ranging from
"Sir" for women who want to take over a usage associated with male power, to silliness like
"Maximum Supreme Overlord of Reality" (but there's the giggle factor if you go there). So please advise me what pleases you; pleasing you is very, very much on my mind.
Ok, so let's get down to
your tease. As you may recall yesterday, this was a complete surprise to me! A joyful surprise, really. But I also berated myself for not being sufficiently forward-thinking to have looked for it on my own initiative. It would have been nice to give you a detailed report as a surprise. So, not as anything from you, but for my own self-discipline, I gave myself 100 rather hard strokes on the butt with a nice, thuddy moose-hide flogger. (I do love
thud!) Or, if you please, think of it not so much as punishment for my lack of initiative, but as an expression of joy that you have a tease, and were generous enough with your time to suggest that I fill part of a couple lonely days with it. You really
are being exceptionally nice to me, you know. And the next time I have some lonely, unoccupied days... well, I think I may be showing you my calendar just to see if you're interested.
So I got up this morning, had breakfast, and alas didn't start your tease immediately. I had to take care of some financial business first, the office hours of my accountant being what they are. That out of the way, I came back home about 10am.
Now, I thought: wouldn't it be a nice fantasy to make this encounter with Ms. Shell as real as possible? So what to do... well, cleaning the house up a bit is always good when one is expecting a particularly well-liked guest. Also, getting squeaky clean and presentable sounds like an auspicious start. So I took a long, hot shower, carefully cleaning my body in all the nooks and crannies. Shaved very carefully. Shampooed & conditioned my hair, blew it dry. Trimmed my hair. Brushed my teeth, flossed, and gargled with mouthwash. Deodorant. Now I'm reasonably presentable, a nice-smelling, suitably clean, blank canvas of a body on which you can paint your art.
So for the rest of this report, I'm going to give you page-by-page results like last time. Yes, there was a spreadsheet; I made a 2nd tab in the 10-cum challenge spreadsheet, just for you.
The times in the spreadsheet are accurate; however, keep in mind they
include both time on task and time on the spreadsheet. I thought it important to record my feelings for you in real time, because frankly endorphins don't do much for accurate memory. Other things, yes; memory, no. So: spreadsheet in real time. (Also... messy keyboard. My enthusiasm times exceeds my coordination.
)
- Spoiler: show
- Hmmm... interesting undocumented tag, that "spoiler" thing.
To start: I wish to present to you my body for our play together.
My body is clean, nice-smelling, well groomed, and presentable for you. I am completely naked, not even a wristwatch. (Ok, a hair tie; but that's just to keep me from having to tell you my hair is in the way. Otherwise, as naked as I can be.) The room is warm and comfortable, so I will happily sustain this nudity for you for the duration of the tease, unless you ask otherwise.
I am kneeling on the floor, in front of the bench on which my computer rests. I am kneeling on a pillow, and can maintain a kneeling position for some time (for reasons different from what you probably think), so please don't worry if I'm comfortable. The pillow is covered by a towel, in case there are, umm... fluid issues. My knees are spread wide, to emphasize that I offer you complete access for our play. In front of me is another pillow, to remind me how wide 30in is; I will try extremely hard to keep my legs spread for you at least that wide.
When I say I offer you "complete access", I mean complete: for example, I am still dilated a bit from yesterday's play with some 3in butt plugs, and I have cleaned myself out in case you want access there, too (he said hopefully, but without much faith that this is a realistic hope for this afternoon). As I kneel and sit back on my heels, I am slightly pulled open back there for you. While I may not be able to do everything you ask, I offer you a chance to use all of me, including my emotions. I ask only that you play kindly, without anger or humiliation.
To be honest: I am happy to be exposed and vulnerable for you, in the hope that you will play affectionately and hard with me.
- Page: 0 (the tease header, as would be found by an author search had I the wit to have done this)
- Start time: 12:53 PM
- Finish time: 12:53 PM
- Elapsed: 0 min
- Comments: Without presuming to read ahead, I note that the tease header says spanking, ice cubes, and dice. So: best be prepared, so as not to break the flow of the story. For spanking, I've laid out the wooden spoon, the ping-pong paddle, the belt, the stingy flogger, the thuddy flogger (mmm...), and the carpet beater (kind of like a cane). Ice, huh? Never played much with that, so I have no idea how much we'll be needing. Best be prepared for a lot; I can always throw out the extra if there is any left. So I went to the fridge, pulled out a couple trays of ice, put the cubes in plastic bags, and refilled the trays. So we'll have 4 trays of ice to work with, quckly available so as not to break the flow of your scene. Dice: I've prepared a browser window for a web page that throws a variety of dice. Thank you for tagging the tease in a way that lets me prepare your equipment properly, as best I can.
- Physical feelings: Feeling clean, well scrubbed, and presentable. My back is very slightly sore from the deep tissue massage yesterday; I love the slow, hard, deep muscle grabs she does that force relaxation; she's learned to grab hard enough to make me whimper and hold it there, which is pretty good for a vanilla massage therapist. It's nice to be forced to relax; as you can tell I have a thing for kind, strong women. My butt is still a bit dilated, but it's too much to expect you've planned in advance to use that. Oh, and I'm completely hard, really hard, before even opening the tease. How exactly do you do that?!
- Emotions: On the one hand, I'm happy, horny, and quivering with anticipation. (The last bit is literal, in that it's a bit difficult to stand still. Good thing I'm kneeling, or I might fall.) I'm smiling, thinking this is gonna be great! On the other hand, the cautious side of me is saying not to over-hype the situation, not to raise expectations unduly. This is not Ms. Shell, it's just a tease. There won't be a personal touch during the tease, so don't burden her with expectations that are hard to live up to. But I really want you to hurt me, in that slow, careful, empathetic, happy way you have. And I want to be a source fo enjoyment for you, cheering you up when you're sick. So please enjoy me, ok? Please? It would mean an enormous amount to me if you were to be made happy here; if not, please tell me how I went wrong and how to do better next time, ok?
- Page: 1
- Start time: 12:53 PM
- Finish time: 12:54 PM
- Elapsed: 1 min
- Comments: I appreciate very much your emphasis on safety, as expressed on this page. I feel safe, trusting, and willing to give you complete access to my body. Let's both enjoy painful nurturing.
- Physical feelings: Same as above, kneeling and hard. Kneeling seems to be quite insistently opening my already dilated butt hole. I wish I could say there were some anal play coming, but that's out of my hands. Perhaps afterward I can do something to myself in that regard; I can't burden you with the expectation of clairvoyantly knowing all my needs, after all, can I?
- Emotions: Happy, excited, impatient to move forward to the happy hurting & edging part. Assuming there is an edging part, which may be optimism on my part. Telling myself to be patient, let you move at your own speed, since I want to keep you happy too, and thereby be a good, respectful collaborator.
- Page: 2
- Start time: 12:54 PM
- Finish time: 1:06 PM
- Elapsed: 12 min
- Comments: Ok, now I'm slightly worried about not knowing the required equipment in advance. Quite happy at the prospect of toys. Toys!
Of course I won't cum until the end, dear. However, I wish to show my intense respect for you, so with your permission I'd like to take the early cum punishment swats to my balls now – not because I came or would willingly do so, but to demonstrate the complete availability of my body to you. I'm not much on “punishment”, because it's so adversarial; but if this page indicates your desire to hurt me in a good way, the by all means please go ahead! Please?
Anticipating that you will permit this, I put on a small ball stretcher to hold the boys in place and gave them 8 whacks with a bamboo spatula. Rather hard whacks, building the pace so the final 3 were quite fast and the sensation built up between whacks. I did remember to say thank you, and I am slobberingly grateful to you for this, and for all that you will choose to do to me.
- Physical feelings: Balls only mildly sore, for which I am grateful, but I can feel it in my abdominal muscles which clenched at each blow. Now I am in my masochistic frame of mind. Please accept the offering of my body for your joy.
- Emotions: Ah, masochistic joy. Ah, endorphins. Happy place.
- Page: 3
- Start time: 1:06 PM
- Finish time: 1:08 PM
- Elapsed: 2 min
- Comments: I used this timer. I took the liberty of anticipating your needs by opening a metronome as well. I like that one, because it goes down to really slow beats, which I personally like both for stroking and spanking. I really hope we get to use it for that!
- Physical feelings: Anticipating, eager to move along.
- Emotions: Happy, slightly impatient, impatient with myself for being impatient. I want you to hurt me so badly! Ok, I'll try to calm down now. A little. Maybe.
- Page: 4
- Start time: 1:08 PM
- Finish time: 1:13 PM
- Elapsed: 5 min
- Comments: I've never done much with sounds, which is where I thought this was going to go. I admit to being intrigued by sounds (large, vibrating, electrified...) but no experience. I'll have to go back and watch this video with renewed interest, now that you've explained this to me. I do have a PES sound electrode, but haven't used it much – a situation which I now realize needs remedy!
This was interesting: I managed to spit into it 3 times. Did you know you can open the hole sideways so the spit slides down, and then milk it back out? Intriguing! But I'm glad I brushed, flossed, and gargled, to limit the bacterial population going into my urethra.
- Physical feelings: Cockhead now quite sensitive, surprisingly so. I didn't think that would work; yet more evidence that trusting you is a good idea.
- Emotions: Surprised, thinking this wasn't going to be that interesting. It's physically slightly interesting, but I'm much more fascinated by your invitation to imagine you inside my body. It's invasive and intimate, simultaneously. I'm slightly surprised that the gender-bending thing didn't come up; that's ok since that's not really a kink of mine.
The idea of you being in my body doing wonderful, slow, painful things is a new obsession. And I couldn't help but entertain the fantasy of you penetrating (somehow?!) all 3 of my holes -- tongue or fingers deep in my mouth, sound in my cock, and dildo/plug/fist in my butt. Eek! Now I'm really hard!
- Page: 5
- Start time: 1:20 PM
- Finish time: 1:45 PM
- Elapsed: 25 min
- Comments: Ah, stroking. Who doesn't love that? (He said, in full knowledge of post-orgasm sensitivity torture.)
Hmm. 1 sec up and 1 sec down = 1 stroke every 2 sec = 30Hz. Now I'm glad I attempted to think ahead and open the slow-speed metronome. 30bps it is. Slightly later on the page, 60hz. How did you know I enjoy slow, hard stroking like this?!
The vacuum cleaner didn't do anything for me in spite of my love of toys & machines. But fortunately you also thought ahead and gave permission for a 2-3min blowjob video. Wow, I really appreciate this kind consideration... really. So I chose this one, based on the eye contact, headplay, tonguing as suggested in your text, the apparent affection, and the really big cock. Now, it's 8 min long, so I stopped after 2min 35sec to accommodate your original choice of video.
- Physical feelings: Looove the slow, hard stroking at 30bpm. 60bpm is about as fast as I usually like to go. I didn't edge –- just –- but there was some question of it. I hope you don't mind that I loosened my grip to deal with that, since it seems clear here you wanted warmup and yearning, not edging.
- Emotions: This is a absolutely gorgeous fantasy, to be tied down, sucked really hard and forced to cum, but punished when I do! I love the feelings of helplessness, the invasive control, and how wonderful it feels to be under the control of a benevolent, powerful female presence pushing me physically and sexually.
You offered ball spanking as a “punishment”; if you were here, I'd offer to take the ball spanking anyway even if I didn't cum. I'd dearly like to do that now, except that I already pushed the limits once. So no ball spanking gift, although you could always tell me you'd like that gift afterwards. You also mentioned post-orgasm sensitivity torture as a penalty; may I offer my promise to torture myself if you tell me to cum, just as a gesture of good will? Please, please, pretty please? I'll only do it for you if you tell me, but I'd love to do some POST even though I'm no good at doing it myself.
BTW, if you like the fantasy of bound men forced to cum against their will, this video of 99 femdom handjob cumshots from bound men will interest you. It certainly does me!
- Page: 6
- Start time: 1:45 PM
- Finish time: 1:48 PM
- Elapsed: 2 min
- Comments: I've never done ice before (ok, a little bit of anal insertion of a few cubes), so I'm quite curious.
- Physical feelings: Quivering anticipation of what you're going to do with the ice!
- Emotions: Quiver, shiver. Getting kind of nonverbal, here.
- Page: 7
- Start time: 1:48 PM
- Finish time: 2:17 PM
- Elapsed: 29 min
- Comments: Ball freezing, eh? I'm learning things from you every time.
Kneeling with legs spread wide, so when I sit on my heels my balls dip into the dish of ice & water (water for better thermal contact than just pure ice). Ok, the mechanics of this just doesn't work: my balls retract up out of the ice, and it's awkward to hold the dish. So I put on the 1 inch ball stretcher again to force them to hang down. Please don't interpret this as an unwelcome addition of a toy; I really am trying to be creative in how I perform your tasks.
I only got about 80% erect during the 3min stroking after the 1st ice bath, so I'm adding 30sec to the 2nd ice bath. May I make it an extra minute? Please?
2nd ice bath without the ball stretcher, awkwardly holding the dish. Very slightly more intense, after 2min.
3rd ice bath I augmented with freezer packs (the kind used for coolers on picnics), since the ice melts too fast and becomes less intense. That seems to be working best.
Only about 80% erect after pat/stroke, probably because my cock was in the ice too and got rather numb. By way of compensation for you, I went a bit beyond "patting" to hitting somewhat harder, enough to ache and make my abdominal muscles contract a bit.
No porn used on stroking where you didn't provide words; that only seemed fair, so I just whispered “Thank you.” A lot.
- Physical feelings: Rock-hard, dripping, and kind of edgy going into this. Predictably lost the erection pretty quickly. Balls kind of sting, after 30 sec or so in the ice. Kind of want to experiment with longer ice time. Really quite interesting, thank you.
- Emotions: I'm worried: my cock falls down into the ice too, once I lose my erection. Is this ok? I really hope so – as you can see, my anxiety isn't about what you're going to do to me, but about whether or not I'm doing it well enough, or hard enough.
After adding the freezer packs, it's a bit more intense, and seems to be working better.
I'm kneeling, leaning forward, enjoying the slow, building ache and surprising tingly sting in my balls. I almost want to cry with gratitude for this play. You've introduced me to a wonderful new kind of play. There's not much I can do to show gratitude, other than to keep whispering “Thank you, Ms. Shell!”
The stroking after the 3rd ice bath didn't do anything for me, so I “patted” a bit harder than was strictly necessary; my masochistic greed is a bit out of hand here.
- Page: 8
- Start time: 2:17 PM
- Finish time: 2:17 PM
- Elapsed: 0 min
- Comments: Coin, eh? Physical coins are too easy. Boring, and they always have nationalistic war symbols on them. So I used this, which flipped a Susan B. Anthony dollar. Sort of femdom-appropriate, I hope?
- Physical feelings: Kind of wanted the ice to go on a bit more. That was really nice.
- Emotions: Happy, excited. Not near the edge any more with a cold, limp cock; but my inner masochist is purring.
- Page: 9
- Start time: 2:17 PM
- Finish time: 2:19 PM
- Elapsed: 2 min
- Comments: Well, maybe this makes it harder to "punish" me, given that most of what you want to do is so enjoyable. Fortunately, I don't really want to think of this as punishment or myself as bad; it's masochistic pleasure that we can share for your enjoyment.
- Physical feelings: Tails! I win! More ice! God bless Susan B. Anthony!
- Emotions: Seriously: this really makes me happy. Can you believe I'm crying a bit with happiness about going back to the ice? I'm surprised and grateful at finding this new kind of play. It's new and interesting, without being too intense to get my thoughts straight. Though, if you do it long enough, my thoughts might not be so straightenable.
- Page: 7
- Start time: 2:24 PM
- Finish time: 2:46 PM
- Elapsed: 22 min
- Comments: 2 freezer packs in the bowl, making sure my balls are pressed between them, so they get intense cold all around. That seems to be closer to what you intended, I hope.
I didn't get erect in stroke session after 1st ice bath, so adding 1min to 2nd ice bath (adding penalties from last round to this one, cumulatively; I hope that's ok).
3rd ice bath: took freezer packs out of the ice water and just squeezed my balls between them – fairly hard, to show my gratitude to you for showing me this wonderful stuff! For 2 min, of course, remembering to add the penalties cumulatively. I wanted to squeeze harder & go longer, but was afraid numbness might make me injure myself. So I had to be a bit conservative here until I'm more experienced. Thus the virtue of working with an experienced domme as teacher.
- Physical feelings: Couldn't get fully, or later even partially erect after the ice baths. No worries; I'm happy to take more ice time for you, Ms. Shell! I took the pats fairly hard, trying to stick to 1 pat/sec so I took 120 slaps to my balls. My cock was too cold to enjoy the sexual stimulation, but masochistic stimulation to my balls was lovely, gorgeous, and transporting.
- Emotions: I feel so taken care of! This is completely wonderful, and happy to write this at the very moment my balls are being frozen and hurt. Kind of amazed I can still spell, really. Of course, my keyboard is kind of a mess... too many liquids sloshing around. Suggestion for next time: just tell me to get a couple of gel freezer packs and we can forgo the melty stuff while getting more effective cold application?
- Page: 8
- Start time: 2:46 PM
- Finish time: 2:46 PM
- Elapsed: 0 min
- Comments: Still got the Susan B. Anthony coin flipper goin'.
- Physical feelings: Hoping for more ice, but worried that you'll think I'm too greedy. Sigh. Show some self-control, froodly.
- Emotions: Happy. Excited to have learned something new. This has been a wonderful day! However, I'm slightly worried that you'll think I'm faking, or that I'm a "bottomless bottom" who is too greedy. Yeah, I know, I'm anxiety prone. Still, I want to convey appreciation for intense play, not unsatisfiable need. There are things that fill me with absolute fear and near-suicidal depression, as you know; but being played with intensely and affectionately has the opposite effect on me.
- Page: 9
- Start time: 2:47 PM
- Finish time: 2:47 PM
- Elapsed: 0 min
- Comments: Heads. Sigh. Can't ask Susan B. Anthony to do everything.
- Physical feelings: Ok, well, I shouldn't be too greedy. I can always go back and do it again on a freelance basis, outside a tease, right?
- Emotions: Oddly sad at not having a 3rd round of ice. I'm really greedy for attention, obviously, and I guess I parse the ice baths as attention. Still, even though we can't do it a 3rd time, thank you for the first 2 times. In person, of course, I'd be begging for you to do it to me again; I'd have to be cautious about not being tedious that way.
- Page: 10
- Start time: 2:51 PM
- Finish time: 3:05 PM
- Elapsed: 14 min
- Comments: Took a break to return the ice packs to the freezer after this page. Might be needing those again later, I'm thinking.
- Physical feelings: Obviously my pants are already off, as I tried to explain at the beginning.
Oy, do I feel stupid – I picked the bowl of ice water with the still hard freezer packs in it! Well, ok, maybe I feel lucky, too -- I really liked being frozen! So my pushups were dipping my cock (and balls; I do want to be thorough for you) into ice water. Still, in 10min I only managed 35 pushups, though that is way more than I thought I could do.
Triceps are a bit sore right now; cock very cold & shriveled. Stroking didn't do much good with my cock that cold. Heartbeat is quite rapid.
- Emotions: I really am kind of embarassed at choosing the bowl of ice/water/freezer packs. On the other hand, I'm also happy at my good fortune to be able to prolong the iced cock & balls experience. Ordinarily, I'd resent or be depressed about being sexually suppressed as with the ice; but you've created an aura of trust where I know you'll take good care of me later, so it's ok.
- Page: 11
- Start time: 3:08 PM
- Finish time: 3:11 PM
- Elapsed: 3 min
- Comments: The reward for pushups: I did 35, so I get to try to edge in 1min 10sec. Not gonna happen, but I gamely tried for you, Ms. Shell. Now, if I'd had time to warm up, that would be a different story!
- Physical feelings: My cock is too cold to be very sensitive, so I couldn't edge in 1min 10sec. Sigh. I really want to edge a lot for you, since you're doing such a lot of good work on me today.
- Emotions: Disappointed at not being able to edge. I realize you're manipulating me that way, but I just really like edging. However, the fantasy of being tied down spread-eagle and you doing slow, hard stroking – very slow, very hard – like in the picture is absolutely captivating. That's a fantasy that's going to last a while.
- Page: 12
- Start time: 3:12 PM
- Finish time: 3:13 PM
- Elapsed: 1 min
- Comments: Got the bamboo spatula for cock & balls, and the ping-pong paddle for butt cheeks (the balance and length is better for self-spanking, reaching around behind). There are other implements, but perhaps another time.
- Physical feelings: Cock is still cold. Should I have paused to warm up, Ms. Shell? I really wish I knew what to do.
- Emotions: Paddles! Yes! Happy anticpation of being spanked hard, all over: butt, balls, butt, thighs, butt, cock, butt, ... Can we do it hard?
- Page: 13
- Start time: 3:13 PM
- Finish time: 3:33 PM
- Elapsed: 20 min
- Comments: Hmm... 120 swats in 600 seconds is 5sec/swat. I'd like to set the metronome a bit faster than that, if you don't mind, maybe 2sec/swat? I'm sure we can figure out something to do with the extra time.
Balls first: 10 on the balls at the beginning and 10 at the end, extra hard, with profuse verbal thanks. Ball stretcher to keep them in place.
On cock: 10 dorsal, 10 ventral; being sure to hit frenulum pretty hard on the last 5.
I tried to do the butt cheeks alternating, but quite fast to build up the sting. I like thud a lot better, but I can work with sting.
Last 10 ball swats were pretty hard; stopped to photograph them. I apologize for the crappy picture quality; crappy camera combined with a quivering bottom who can't hold still much right now.
- Physical feelings: My balls are not as sore as I thought they would be; I can of course correct that later. Butt needs some more work, too. There's a lovely little bruise at the bottom of my scrotum, where the ball strap positioned my balls to be struck by the bamboo. Alas, it was gone 3 hr later.
- Emotions: Happy to have a spanking. Kind of sad it was so brief. I also really wanted to swat my inner thighs, and work on my butt & balls a lot harder. Still, it's your tease, so we'll do it your way. Feeling kind of wistful for how it could have come out if I'd been allowed to hit harder, longer, more places... maybe next time.
- Page: 14
- Start time: 3:34 PM
- Finish time: 3:49 PM
- Elapsed: 15 min
- Comments: Ooooh... femdom handjobs! I love to watch those, and yearn to be the test subject.
Damn... the video has gone missing. I used this video instead. Its too long for your purposes, so we'll just start it 9 min from the end. That works out nicely, since the last several minutes are some of the most excellent, persistent, merciless post-orgasm sensitivity torture I've seen, and I like that. (Feel free to correct me if you know of a better example.)
I waited until he came to begin stroking, though I was hard as a rock before that. That means I was only stroking during the torture part, which is of course the very best part. I hope it's ok to have massaged my balls and pinched my nipples – kind of hard – before I was allowed to start stroking?
- Physical feelings: Finally warmed up a bit, after all that ice. It's lovely stuff, but it makes me numb to anything else for a while. So that's perhaps a bug to be worked out in the future: follow ice by something that gives a chance to warm up, so I can feel what's going on at full intensity. I wouldn't want to be unable to appreciate your work properly, Ms. Shell.
- Emotions: Happy about femdom handjobs, which are my favorite! Being tied down & stroked hard is a frequent fantasy (alas, not a reality). Very like the fantasy you provoked on page 5. Sad the video wasn't there; I really wanted to understand what you wanted to show me.
The video I used always fills me with a deep sense of longing for that sort of intense female attention. The dialog aside (which is kind of icky), I long to be the focus of that much power, and to be used for benevolent abuse. So I'm happy I got to see something beautiful, sad it isn't happening to me.
- Page: 15
- Start time: 3:49 PM
- Finish time: 3:49 PM
- Elapsed: 0 min
- Comments: Ha! We both picked the same web site for throwing dice! Are you sure you're not looking over my shoulder? Though that would be an interesting thought, kneeling here doing your tease with your arms around me from behind... Ahh...
- Physical feelings: Too hard to stay fully erect; the ice really took it out of me more than I expected. Not really sore anywhere either, though. That's a surprise. Maybe I'll be sore later. That would be nice.
- Emotions: Weird that I'm a little disappointed at not being sore, or not that weird at all now that I think it over. Maybe I just need to calm down & get excited again.
- Page: 16
- Start time: 3:51 PM
- Finish time: 4:15 PM
- Elapsed: 24 min
- Comments: Really, truly, honestly, I rolled a 6: 6 minutes in ice and then an orgasm. Today is really my lucky day!
Reading over the options, the only better roll is 1, where I get to do all this over again. I'm really curious: why did you describe that as evil? It's a kind, generous, and fun alternative... ok if you want to play with the word “evil”, but really I think you need to parse it as kind.
- Physical feelings: Rolled a 6 – more ice! Dunno if I can cum this way, once my cock and balls are so cold, but 6 min in ice sounds great!
6 min is much harder than the 2min I'd done before. There were some tingly, pinprick sensations, then some aching, then numbness. I guess there might be an upper limit to the use of ice, sadly. The best might be what you did: 2-3 min in ice, a 30sec warming to restore sensation, then back into the ice to feel the cold some more. That's a pleasant thought.
I couldn't cum in the ice because my cock was too cold & numb; did the whole 6 minutes and then came afterwards. Took me a few minutes to warm up, and then all was well.
- Emotions: Ms. Shell, I got really scared when I read ruined orgasm for rolling a 2. I mean, really scared: after all this work, to be abandoned and not get anything would really frighten and depress me in an ugly way. I'm glad I didn't get that, but scared of what it would do to me psychologically if I had. So, ummm... please don't do that to me, ok? Please? (Trying to hold back tears here, because really you've been great in the rest of the tease. Really. I'm just unreasonably scared of this abandonment thing.)
The 9 ruined orgasms in a row in the 10 cum challenge was fine, since I knew that at the end I'd get taken care of (whether I wanted it or not). But abandonment raises real fear, for personal reasons.
I'm also kind of sad I couldn't cum in the ice; I hope it's ok that I did so afterwards. It took me a really long time to get the nerves going again.
Total elapsed time: 4hr 22 minutes. (Some 45min tease ya got there, Ms. Shell! But really, it's ok; I was looking for a way to spend the afternoon, and you very generously provided that. I appreciate this, very much. That's not masochist-speak, though it might be endorphin-speak.)
Some closing thoughts
- I really liked the ice! IWBNI there had been longer ice-baths at the beginning, because that's kind of special.
- It's hard to mix stroking with ice, due to numbness. Some way of warming up might be useful.
- At the beginning, I was clean and presentable. At the end, I was not. I had to go take another shower, and generally process a bit. ("Process": psychologist-speak for "what the hell just happened to me?") So that's why you're getting this writeup a bit late in the day.
- The possibility of ending on a ruin really scared me. I mean, really, really scared me and would have driven me off because I just can't take that emotionally. I'm glad it didn't come up, but in the future, if I do a tease for you, could we work around that? With a partner it's probably different, but alone it's quite emotionally brutal. At least if you're me.
- Since I'm -- to say the least -- not a fan of denial (delay, yes absolutely; but not denial) it would be nice if there were a proviso for people like me. E.g., you must ruin an ejaculation, but after you clean up you can cum 30min later if you still want. That would provide a feeling of safety; and who knows, I might or might not need to use the chance.
So thank you again. You've not just made my day, but my month, possibly my year. This has been a peak experience for me. I hope that it has also been gratifying for you; I particular I hope it cheers you up when you're not feeling well. Get well soon, please.
I regret that I have to return to mundane life tomorrow, with limited privacy. Would it be all right with you if I dreamt about this, and looked forward to the next lacuna in the mundanity when I'm again alone for a few days to do it again?
I was using a web-based timer, and when I clicked on the start button, I had somehow not triggered it, so I had inadvertently added another 30-40 seconds to my torment! I could almost hear your wicked laughter, Mistress Shell! I made it to the end though, and then had to stand for a minute wanting to massage and warm my poor aching balls, but forbidden to do so. :'-(
) I felt my pleasure starting to build too. The ache in my balls seemed to combine with it, add to it, until it was as though the torment of my balls was pushing me towards orgasm! It was amazing - feeling how the pain and pleasure combined, the one feeding the other!
