need some feedback

[wrestlingjoker]

ok if a guy uses this program and programs like it to explore his fetishes that his mate are not into and not willing to try is it cheating? look forward to you thoughts and thanx in advance

[The Edge 2.0]

This is a moral question, and morality will always be relative to the user. Short of being being a moral absolutist, no one could possibly expect any one moral blanket will fit uniformly over the entire human perspective.

Just where is your moral line and how many places are you willing to draw that line to uniformly declare what is "right" or "justifiable" or not "cheating"? Is it cheating to look at porn? That means you're pretty much cheating the moment you land on the front page. Is it cheating to read erotica? That's essentially what webteases are, just with an interactive element. I'm sorry, but I would have to argue that if looking at porn and erotica is cheating, then there are so few "faithful" people that this should fall off the spectrum of morality all together.

And furthermore, I understand that two people can love each other dearly and just not mesh sexually, especially the longer a relationship has gone on. I, for one, would encourage vicarious outlets for your sexuality such as Milovana. It gives you a way to experience your own fetish without making yourself unavailable to your partner, or exerting emotional energy on another actual person behind your partner's back.

Do you feel like you've cheated when you see nudity in an R-Rated movie? If not, I see no difference here.

Do you feel like you've cheated when you've masturbated in the shower thinking about your favorite actress dominating you? If not, then I see no difference here.

Morality is a system we each have internally that stops us from hurting others, correct? So, who gets hurt because you browse Milovana?

Like jp said, you're the only one who can define what is morally acceptable for yourself, all that we can do is offer an opinion. My honest opinion is that vicarious exploration of your fetishes isn't only not cheating, it's actually healthy.

Just my 2 cents.

[wrestlingjoker]

thanxs all new it was a little of to each there own q but just thought i would put it out there and see what i got lol anyway thanx all

[str0be]

Just to echo the earlier sentiment, if you are hiding it, you should either tell her about it or give it up, since the act of hiding it will cause you a lot of stress.

[toolman2810]

I think you need to step back for a moment & look at it from her point of view. Traditionally women are attracted to masculine testosterone charged males. Of course no woman will own up to this. Will swear black & blue that they are looking for someone they can connect to. But secretly they all have fantasies about a knight in shining armour turning up & fooking them senseless. For you to fall on your knees so to speak grinds against Darwin & their common fantasy of having a maid, two children & yacht.
I honestly believe most people have a sexual button that you have to find, find the button, even write her a personal tease on here to exploit that button. But find it & ... well doms & subs have a fine line

[Miss Tira]

Of course no woman will own up to this. Will swear black & blue that they are looking for someone they can connect to. But secretly they all have fantasies about a knight in shining armour turning up & fooking them senseless.

Must... not... kill....

[Miss Tira]

I had several prepared. That was the least sweary.

Suffice to say, toolman, I respectfully, massively disagree with your opinion on this.

[slavechylde]

Interesting question, one which I addressed a tad in Retribution Alley.

I don't think doing the teases is cheating per se...unless it is isolating and alienating your affections from your partner...even if you're hiding it. But, I think that anything that isolates and/or alienates your affections is a form of cheating.

For me, doing the teases w/o telling my wife would not be cheating, except as outlined. Playing with an online Mistress without telling her would be.

This is not intended as a confessional, but as an example.

I am married to a wonderful woman who is way too submissive (only in bed, let me assure you) to truly be effective in dealing with my t&d fantasies. I am usually the dominant in bed. I am working away from my wife for a long stretch, and I have told her I am exploring some t&d and some submissive aspects. That is the truth (figured it was a good opportunity). But, I haven't been specific in any way. She wouldn't freak out about it, but I think some of the more extreme stuff would bother her. Mostly she'd be pissed that I was spending more time writing teases than working on my other writing. So, I am comfortable being here and participating.

And, while she would have no problem with me being friends with any woman on the site (we both have friends of the opposite gender), if it veered into an actual dom/sub relationship - that would be a problem. We are monogamous - by active choice (meaning we actually discussed the options) - and we trust each other implicitly. If she and I discussed it, and she agreed that I could be subby (or dom) to someone online, it would not be a problem. But, if I ever did it and hid it from her...well, it would NOT be pretty. I would not do that to her.

For me, the former, as well as the being friends part, do not isolate or alienate my affections. The latter does, which is why I wouldn't do it.

As I said, not intended as a confessional, but as a personal example.

[drawn]

The originally wording of the question is I think a little misleading, so I'll just chime in with my two cents and say that whether or not something is technically "cheating" (and we're seeing that this can be a little hard to pin down) is a lot less important than whether the two people in question would consider it cheating. A carefully constructed logical argument that shows someone they can't, technically, be hurt is less convincing than you might think ;) As many of the other replies have suggested it's really less about the webteases, and more about how the people in question feel about them.

[Dan]

Agreed with drawn. Cheating is largely associated with guilt, and if you feel guilty for it, then that's a sure sign. It also, as almost everyone has said, depends on your relationship. I've been in some more casual relationships where I would do things that I wouldn't do in my more serious relationships, it's a very personal choice that you'd have to look at yourself. But from personal experience, if you're even questioning it, it most likely is.

[Miss Tira]

Here's my opinion, to make up for me joking around earlier.

It's not cheating. But guilt is there for a reason - it's your mind's way of teling you something is wrong. So I think it's something that you should discuss with your partner. It may cause an argument, but it may strengthen the relationship.