Money dominates Dommes

[Tobias23]

My perspective as a male sub:

I've got the money so I can buy myself a Domme. It's almost like a slave market, with Dommes for sale. I want a small asian Mistress? No problem! A black ebony Godess? No problem! With enough money you can get the Mistress of your dreams, and give her your wishlist, and she will play her role how you want her to be.

The better she is at roleplaying and following your orders (wishlist), the more expensive she will be. Daily/weekly/monthly the money dominates it. Text/Voice/Webcam/Real whatever the sub wants. Money dominates them all.

WHAT THE F' IS WRONG WITH THIS WORLD!

I've been on dating sites for years now, and in the past it led to some real relationships, some lasting longer than others. But this year has been the worst, every Domme i meet is just trying to sell herself. 'Tribute' and 'gifts expected' are the words most commonly used as a substitute for 'payment for a service'.

And I'm not talking about the rising number of scammers, who just want to scam you for your money and vanish. I'm talking about real woman who are joining the dating sites and are selling themselfs as Dommes. This is so f' annoying!

... which led me to a little experiment:

I changed my profile saying (in essence) 'I would tribute 500 bucks a month for a Domme'. Which is about the money I have to spend on fun and hobbies each month. And sure enough I got 17 Messages in my mailbox after 24 hours ...

This is so wrong ...

I never had a problem with spoiling my girlfriends with gifts, I love giving and seeing the Joy in her eyes. But they never asked for gifts and demanded 'tribute'. In my eyes a gift is only a gift if you give it because you want to. If a gift is demanded as a 'tribute' then it becomes payment in my eyes.

Am I wrong to see it this way?

best regards
tobias

[isaccs77]

Am I missing the point to Tobias23's post? Seems to me if you are able to get whatever you want by simply dangling a few extra bucks in the air, then you are not really getting what you want.

While we can disagree over who the driving force really is in a domme/sub relationship (or if it is an equal one), I think it can be agreed that the sub should feel like the domme is, in fact, the domme. If the sub knows s/he can get more (or less, or better, or different) with a simple increase in dollars spent, then who is the dominant one in that relationship.

To me, the point Tobias23 is making: if you are really in a quality domme/sub relationship, then you will want to give the money, or even feel the need to do so. No real domme has to ask for more money, rather, it should be given freely by the sub because s/he knows it makes the domme happy...at least that's my take away.

[les]

Just because you call yourself a Domme and charge others.
Does not make you a Domme.

It seems that many girls are thinking this is an easy way to make money and the "Client" will blindly pay for and take anything that is dished out.
I suspect that the fact many are having trouble finding a good boyfriend who can afford to pamper her.

Sadly this will increase until there are too many girls being turned down because they are just no good at the mechanics of being a Domme.

I believe that the less pretence their is between any couple the longer,happier and more stable that relationship will last/be.

[dix]

I've said it once, and I'll say it again;

Pro-dommes in wanting money shocker!

Though seriously, if you're looking for a partner who's interested in the lifestyle, you're going to have to go out there an mingle with the people. As a male sub you're part of the largest of the 4 main demographics and so it will take time and effort to find a genuine woman who is interested in you and into domination.

Because of the large number of submissive males, there are also an increasing number of pro-dommes in the world. The problem with most of these is that they are mostly just escorts that bought a flogger and bestowed the title of mistress upon themselves. And just as you only want their services, they only want your money - If you're not willing to accept this reality then don't go there, simple as.

In this world most things are available for a price, but remember that no one is forcing you to use these people who charge for their services.

I changed my profile saying (in essence) 'I would tribute 500 bucks a month for a Domme'. Which is about the money I have to spend on fun and hobbies each month. And sure enough I got 17 Messages in my mailbox after 24 hours ...

If you're willing to give out money like that, then of course there will be no end of takers. It's the equivalent of leaving you wallet on a table in a bar - An easy meal ticket for someone.

[someone43]

3 cheers!!! Some phone/pay domme's are good, but it's correct that bulk are just looking for an easy buck and think that having guys slap their balls is enough.

[Kendoll]

There as at least one woman in Milovana who
dommes (your term) for free,
if treated with respect,
Mistress Kendoll.

[Tobias23]

for keeping my hopes alive.

I have the utmost respect and appreciation for woman like you.

[lockedupagain]

well having the money for a pro domme is great, but after you work out the on-line pro domme is male not all on-line pro dommes are male and you even get to im one and add to your friends.

at the end of the day a Domme may hurt you, well it a two street, a pro domme looking at your bank account with no interest in you or your body or safety.

a sub/slave for live not just til bank account empty.

[dix]

There as at least one woman in Milovana who
dommes (your term) for free,
if treated with respect,
Mistress Kendoll.

See, they do exist, those most enchanting of creatures; The dominant woman.

Dix.

[Alliteration]

I agree completely - I don't really have any moral problem with prodommes (or prostitution, for that matter); if that's what someone really wants to do, go for it. But I do think it's a mistake in that it's probably not what someone is really looking for.

I think there's something to be said here about the importance of real lasting relationships; not just in general, but especially so in D/s. These types of relationships, even more so than vanilla ones, have always seemed to me to require a certain intimacy and familiarity in order to be done correctly. If I was to visit a prodomme, it probably wouldn't be very fun for me, as I would know that I'm not really submitting to her. Everything she did would be done because I had asked for it - that's not very fun at all...there's just no power exchange there. There can't be, because I wouldn't know the domme at all, and she wouldn't know me.

I also think, however, that the problem extends far beyond the prodomme scenario. I have roughly 7 years of RL experience with BDSM, but online play is still relatively new to me. I often see people, both dom/sub and male/female, who don't care a jot about developing the intimacy I mentioned earlier. They stroll around asking people if they want to play immediately after meeting them....they play with practically anyone who is willing...I see subs drifting from dom/me to dom/me seemingly almost daily...and I see dom/mes who appear to be "collecting" subs almost as if they were trophies, sometimes with upwards of ten subs at a time. I even see some people outright lying about their gender.

Maybe it's just me, or the area I live in, but I've never seen anything even remotely like this. It's like D/s is just a game to some people. They don't take it seriously at all...it's a bit depressing.

I think these two things are related because in both cases, it seems to me that the people involved aren't taking things seriously. I guess I just don't understand some people

[Human]

There is an unmet demand of men looking for kink.
Service providers popped up.

Nothing wrong with this, PROVIDED service providers identify themselves as such (and from Tobias23's post, it seems they are identifying themselves as such).

Someone mentioned that he was at a high school graduation party, and overheard some girls discussiing prodomming as career "you dont even have to have sex".

I am glad for these service providers, more competition for the "elite" prodommes. There was a thread on this at maxfisch recently.

To Alliteration: I think many guys realise getting a real life domme who knows you and who you really know is really, really difficult. For me, the woman would have to be intelligent, compassionate, capable etc etc. And be into kink. I realise that getting such a woman is pretty much impossible. So, the next option is to interact with a fantasy, ie, someone who you can pretend has these qualities. This entails not knowing them beyond the pro-session.

[Alliteration]

To Alliteration: I think many guys realise getting a real life domme who knows you and who you really know is really, really difficult. For me, the woman would have to be intelligent, compassionate, capable etc etc. And be into kink. I realise that getting such a woman is pretty much impossible. So, the next option is to interact with a fantasy, ie, someone who you can pretend has these qualities. This entails not knowing them beyond the pro-session.

I've always wanted to be an astronaut. But it's really, really difficult. So I'm going to make a helmet out of cardboard, paint stars on my ceiling, and blast "Space Oddity" by David Bowie.

A poor substitution at best.

[Human]

I've always wanted to be an astronaut. But it's really, really difficult. So I'm going to make a helmet out of cardboard, paint stars on my ceiling, and blast "Space Oddity" by David Bowie.

A poor substitution at best.

Its like someone watching a James Bond movie, or watching sports instead of being an athelete himself becuase he knows he would not be a good athelete.

[1885]

I've always wanted to be an astronaut. But it's really, really difficult. So I'm going to make a helmet out of cardboard, paint stars on my ceiling, and blast "Space Oddity" by David Bowie.

A poor substitution at best.

This reminds me of a story. I've always wanted to have sex with a mermaid, but it's really, really difficult because mermaids don't exist. So one day me and my girlfriend at the time spent the entire day transforming a corner of my room into an underwater scene. We had sand (blanket), coral (aquarium decorations), the ocean (blue sheets) and the sun streaming through the water (foil on the ceiling and a blue light bulb).

We spent hours in the bathroom drawing intricate scales on her legs, but by the time it was all said and done, she and the room looked magnificent.

And then I couldn't get it up.

No matter how hard I tried, I just could not get an erection going to save my life. All that work all day long, and nothing. I'm not actually sure what the point of this story is anymore, all I know is that the next time I want to have sex with a mermaid, I'll just jerk off to a Luis Royo calendar.

[Alliteration]

I don't know anyone who watches sports because they desire to become an athlete, but aren't good enough. Do you?

It doesn't matter, though. If someone did watch sports for this reason, that person wouldn't be meeting any goals. All time spent watching sports would be far better spent actually practicing and trying to accomplish something.

It's still a poor substitution. And its also a bit disanalogous, as finding the right domme is like finding the right girlfriend, it's a matter of going out and meeting people until someone "clicks". It might take time, but it's not that hard (barring extenuating circumstances like social phobias).