FB: Mission Impossible
FB: Mission Impossible
I liked the idea of this tease:
"Mission: Impossible": http://www.milovana.com/webteases/showtease.php?id=8212
since the premise is quite different/unusual.
However one suggestion is that the remarks from the author to the viewer in double parentheses ((...)) often seem to take the reader (me at least) out of the moment and thus seemed like an interruption in the story's flow. So I suggest that it would be better if these remarks could be either omitted (can't the reader decide when to stroke for themselves) or incorporated into the story more. At least that's my 2 cents.
"Mission: Impossible": http://www.milovana.com/webteases/showtease.php?id=8212
since the premise is quite different/unusual.
However one suggestion is that the remarks from the author to the viewer in double parentheses ((...)) often seem to take the reader (me at least) out of the moment and thus seemed like an interruption in the story's flow. So I suggest that it would be better if these remarks could be either omitted (can't the reader decide when to stroke for themselves) or incorporated into the story more. At least that's my 2 cents.
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Re: FB: Mission Impossible
Cactusman, thanks for your input. I appreciate feedback from anyone but any praise from you is especially welcome since I love your teases so much.
I tend to talk too much in real life, too. I will try to tone it down.
I recognize it's difficult to be objective about one's own work, but I have to admit it is a little disconcerting to see my first rating was around 2.8 when other peoples' work which I thought bordered on terrible scored much higher. I suspected it was because the reader was given too many words and not enough pictures, so I'll try to cut down on the verbage in general.
I would really appreciate hearing from others as well. Do you also find the "out of character" comments to the reader distracting? I really thought it would be of some benefit and maybe the problem is just that I'm too long-winded in general.
Again, Cactusman, love your work and appreciate your comments.
I tend to talk too much in real life, too. I will try to tone it down.
I recognize it's difficult to be objective about one's own work, but I have to admit it is a little disconcerting to see my first rating was around 2.8 when other peoples' work which I thought bordered on terrible scored much higher. I suspected it was because the reader was given too many words and not enough pictures, so I'll try to cut down on the verbage in general.
I would really appreciate hearing from others as well. Do you also find the "out of character" comments to the reader distracting? I really thought it would be of some benefit and maybe the problem is just that I'm too long-winded in general.
Again, Cactusman, love your work and appreciate your comments.
Re: FB: Mission Impossible
Thanks for your comments on my work, but I wasn't fishing for compliments.storydejour wrote:Cactusman, thanks for your input. I appreciate feedback from anyone but any praise from you is especially welcome since I love your teases so much.
I tend to talk too much in real life, too. I will try to tone it down.
I recognize it's difficult to be objective about one's own work, but I have to admit it is a little disconcerting to see my first rating was around 2.8 when other peoples' work which I thought bordered on terrible scored much higher. I suspected it was because the reader was given too many words and not enough pictures, so I'll try to cut down on the verbage in general.
I would really appreciate hearing from others as well. Do you also find the "out of character" comments to the reader distracting? I really thought it would be of some benefit and maybe the problem is just that I'm too long-winded in general.
Again, Cactusman, love your work and appreciate your comments.
I didn't think overall there were too many words in the tease. Just the interjections within the parentheses ((...)) seemed to break the flow, as I said.
I also wanted to encourage you, as the idea is original, and I appreciate that. Overall I like the plot and personally rated it a 4, and I'm sure the rating will improve (it's already 3.0). Only 32 people have rated it so far, so the ratings tend to be volatile at first (see the RSS feed for milovana, available from the top right of the home page for this kind of information on how many ratings you've gotten).
I would also advise you not to compare with other works. I think some people rate teases highly due to their particular fetishes or even models used in them, even if the writing has lots of spelling mistakes, etc.
Just do what you like and make it as good as you can.
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Re: FB: Mission Impossible
Cactusman, I know you weren't fishing for compliments, but I've been meaning to send a message anyway, so inserting it here was actually my way of being lazy.
I understand people have varying tastes, fetishes, etc, and I guess you can say I'm trying to appeal to a particular segment of the audience without getting into specifics that people might take exception to. Still, I appreciate the encouraging words. Thank you.
I understand people have varying tastes, fetishes, etc, and I guess you can say I'm trying to appeal to a particular segment of the audience without getting into specifics that people might take exception to. Still, I appreciate the encouraging words. Thank you.
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Re: FB: Mission Impossible
I thought this was an original and stimulating tease. It makes a refreshing change from all the metronome/stop watch/stroke a 100 times teases (not that I don't like one of those now and then.)
I think you should develop the secret agent theme and have our hero captured and 'tortured' by well endowed and scantily clad females.
I think you should develop the secret agent theme and have our hero captured and 'tortured' by well endowed and scantily clad females.
Re: FB: Mission Impossible
I liked it! It could have been really interesting as a falshtease, with multiple choices, but I understand the complexity of lust writing a basic tease (something I have yet to do!).
Nice tease, I hope this is the beginning of a series!
Nice tease, I hope this is the beginning of a series!
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Re: FB: Mission Impossible
Thanks for your encouragment, everyone. I'll admit that as much work as I feel like I was doing (finding pictures, trying to think of an interesting story to match) the truth is I get a little impatient and rush to get it published.
I haven't even thought of doing a flash tease yet, since I'm still new at this, but I certainly intend to get it figured out soon.
Indigo: I just found the picture and said "good enough" but for you, I'll make a special provision. Though the .357 Sig should be close enough for your purposes (it was developed for law enforcement, after all) if you want to pretend to use a .40 S&W I'll allow it. Hopefully, that extra .043 will make the difference between another frustrated night and a wonderfully satisfying orgasm for you.
I haven't even thought of doing a flash tease yet, since I'm still new at this, but I certainly intend to get it figured out soon.
Indigo: I just found the picture and said "good enough" but for you, I'll make a special provision. Though the .357 Sig should be close enough for your purposes (it was developed for law enforcement, after all) if you want to pretend to use a .40 S&W I'll allow it. Hopefully, that extra .043 will make the difference between another frustrated night and a wonderfully satisfying orgasm for you.
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Re: FB: Mission Impossible
I found that quite entertaining. My only complaint in the first story is that the plot didn't unfold with as much fluidity as I would have imagined. Towards the end things flew by rather quickly, and I expected my character to put up more of a fight.
Beyond that, it was excellent. It was more of a story than a tease really, but as a story it was very, very good.
Beyond that, it was excellent. It was more of a story than a tease really, but as a story it was very, very good.
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Re: FB: Mission Impossible
Keep up the good work. I liked the story. The tease factor was borderline, but enough to hold my interest. I agree that the ending was pretty abrupt.
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Re: FB: Mission Impossible
The more I think about it, the more disappointed I am in myself as I realize I was just getting tired and frustrated with my uncooperative computer. The "ending" of Part 1 was really intended as just a little break before doing part 2, so as a stand-alone tease it sucks, in spite of what a brilliant idea I thought it was in the beginning.
As for Part 2, I think you should enjoy it a lot more. I realize the ending is still a little abrupt, but I couldn't think of anything else to do. After all, I'm kinda limited to using the pictures I can find and I doubt I could contact Masuimi Max with a list of poses for her to do for me.
On the other hand, it doesn't hurt to try, does it?
So anyway, I acknowledge part 1 sucked at the end, but do you have any suggestions for how part 2's ending could have been done better?
As for Part 2, I think you should enjoy it a lot more. I realize the ending is still a little abrupt, but I couldn't think of anything else to do. After all, I'm kinda limited to using the pictures I can find and I doubt I could contact Masuimi Max with a list of poses for her to do for me.
On the other hand, it doesn't hurt to try, does it?
So anyway, I acknowledge part 1 sucked at the end, but do you have any suggestions for how part 2's ending could have been done better?
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Re: FB: Mission Impossible
storydejour wrote:The more I think about it, the more disappointed I am in myself as I realize I was just getting tired and frustrated with my uncooperative computer. The "ending" of Part 1 was really intended as just a little break before doing part 2, so as a stand-alone tease it sucks, in spite of what a brilliant idea I thought it was in the beginning.
As for Part 2, I think you should enjoy it a lot more. I realize the ending is still a little abrupt, but I couldn't think of anything else to do. After all, I'm kinda limited to using the pictures I can find and I doubt I could contact Masuimi Max with a list of poses for her to do for me.
On the other hand, it doesn't hurt to try, does it?
So anyway, I acknowledge part 1 sucked at the end, but do you have any suggestions for how part 2's ending could have been done better?
An author being critical of his own work? Gee....now that never happens.
Seriously, I haven't read part two just yet, but my first suggestion based on your own comments is to slow down. If you're not happy with what you've written, then change it. Rewrite it, edit it, whatever you want. It's your work. However, since none of us are being paid for this, there's no dead line for publishing. You can take as much time as you want. So just slow down and make sure you've written what you wanted to.
As for the pictures part....yeah, that's frustrating sometimes. It'd certainly make things much easier if we could call these ladies up and have them pose where and how we need them to. However, since that's not going to happen we only have two choices.
1. Find pictures we like THEN write a story to match them or....
2. Write a story and spend a LOT of time searching for picture that "fit."
Both have their advantages and disavantages. I know, in my own case, The Bermuda series is using the second approach and it's significantly slowed things down because I have trouble finding the "right" pictures to fit the story. At some point, maybe you just need to change the story because you can't find the right stuff. It's happened more than once for me and I'm sure it'll happen again, but that's part of the fun.
As for "endings"....If you can't think of something...again....slow down. Take a break and come back to it later. Let your brain "chew on it" for a day or two, whatever. You might be suprised what you come up with if you give it time to simmer.
Just some advice, based on the way I do things. It may work for you, it may not. Ultimately, you sort of have to find your own way of writing and what works best for you, but try out different approaches in the mean time. Keep doing what works and change what doesn't. Most of all....keep writing, keep reading, keep listening to feedback. It'll all help you refine your approach and your style.
Re: FB: Mission Impossible
There is a third thing you could do if you use photoshop or some other tool to alter pictures.Incubo wrote:As for the pictures part....yeah, that's frustrating sometimes. It'd certainly make things much easier if we could call these ladies up and have them pose where and how we need them to. However, since that's not going to happen we only have two choices.
1. Find pictures we like THEN write a story to match them or....
2. Write a story and spend a LOT of time searching for picture that "fit."
Actually, I've found it's often helpful (and easy) to crop pictures in a way that makes them fit better, for example taking out various bits that don't fit the scene or to "move in for a kiss" or closeup by cropping to just the woman's head. Many tools will allow you to crop pictures.
However, you should be careful when you crop to leave the logo or watermark that indicates the copyright or studio where the picture originates, as that's only fair to the copyright holder.
I often find it helpful to only start a tease if I can find a long series of photos for a particular woman that fits the story. Indeed for "My Professor" (http://www.milovana.com/webteases/showtease.php?id=7472) I was working from a story someone else wrote, and did the whole thing with one woman and found in the end that the pictures just didn't "work" for me, so I went and found another. I even altered the very first picture in the tease to take out some annoying background (a copy machine!).
Also, sometimes it's useful to mix up steps 1 and 2 that Incubo describes, and let the pictures change how the story goes; I've done that with my Erica and Kara stories a lot, although I have a general plan that I'm following.
See also the tips in: http://www.milovana.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=44, where I've written more at length about tips for writing webteases.