FB: Taking Control

[sub3604]

only saw the first few pages before giving up The writing is too small and the time is not long enough to read it I can't comment on the rest though because as I say those too (easily fixed) faults made me give up.

[cactusman]

My first flash-tease attempt. Be kind ...

I think the writing is quite good (I saw the revised version). The only faults I found were that you spelled "honey" as "hunni" and that in the middle, after you have supposed picked up her panties, she still has them around her feet and then is holding them again.

Gorgeous model! (Who is it?)

[cactusman]

The misspelling was by intent ... I have a friend that calls me that, I find it rather endearing. The issues in the pic, however ... I missed that part.

Dammit

Thanks, Cactusman

I agree the Use of "hunni" is endearing, so no problem! Thanks for writing the tease.

[notredmirsh7]

no offense , cause I know i'm not the best tease writer . I think your got to much text on some of your pages it kind of makes you lose intrest in the tease. Thats just my 2 cents

[tfg]

The timers are (way) too long. I got bored 3 slides in (and I still had time to check getscript to see it was 45 seconds throughout). Everyone reads at different speeds. There are times when timers are obviously required, but nothing in the first three slides required both my hands (or any hands, for that matter) - so what's wrong with a "continue" button?

I understand this is your first flash tease, and I appreciate the effort to create a tease for the rest of us, so I mean it only constructively.

But as a general note for everyone - stop using timers when they aren't required. Nothing makes me close a flash tease faster than being made to sit and wait after reading the text. I have like a 3 second attention span and I'm a speed reader. I've seen it quite a lot and often on potentially good teases, but even the absolute best written tease with the best looking model will still get closed after a few slides if I have to sit and stare at the same slide for more than 5 seconds without anything to do.

I appreciate some may like the "hands-off" approach, to each their own, but you can have both a timer and a continue button on the same slide if you want to have hands-free reading - especially on story slides where it doesn't matter whether you complete that slide in 3 seconds or 30 seconds.

But thanks for contributing :) Other than the timers, it seems well written (from the few slides I've seen and a brief glance at the script) and I do like the model. Hopefully see more from yourself :)

(Sorry - rant's been a long time building!)

[Xenophobe]

I like the timers a lot and I thought the tease was great. I only wish it was longer (or, has a part 2).