Kind of normal, really...

[Crocko]

You've caught me at a weird time.

I've been a member of the forums for a good while, and I've looked at milovana and other such sites for maybe two or so years. So I guess I'm pretty new to the kink.

I was thinking the other day about tease and denial. I was thinking... Is this a normal kink?

Well, it isn't. I mean, I think if it were; I wouldn't be on this less busy strech of the information super highway.

But you know what? I kind of like it like that. This is my own thing. My dirty secret. I'm kind of embarrased because it isn't mainstream, but then I'm not really a mainstream kinda guy.

I think everyone has a sexual kink, be it teasing, bondage, asian chicks. We're all unique (which is a obtuse way of saying that nobody is) and we all have these tendencies. You go on youporn, or tnaflix, or whatever porn search engine, and 50% of the content is vanilla sex, and the other 50% is some kink, with maybe 25% being extreme, definately more extreme than a bit of teasing.

It kinda begs the question, whats so wrong with admitting I like this stuff? What is it... That makes me clear my search history away, that makes me joke around with my friends about "weirdos" who arn't content with watching Jenna Jameson screw some dude for 10 mins. (I am, but there is a time and a place!)

I think I'm probably the most vanilla guy on milovana, but still... The mind games, the psychological playing that goes on between the teaser and the teased. It seems like I'm using a different part of my brain when I go on a webtease. (Heh, yeah, thinking with the other head.)

This post has no point. And I'm a rambling lunatic.

I guess maybe I'm trying to say that its a shame people arn't open enough to talk about what they like, in regards to sex and sexuality.

And this is a pretty decent comunity and I should be chipping in my 2 cents more! Or two pence, I'm a Brit!

[jp]

Nice post, Crocko.

It really is a shame that we all feel the need to hide these kinks. They're labeled "deviant" by society just because they're different from the established "norm". But really, there's nothing wrong with them.

I've always had to wonder if these kinks would still feel the same if they were mainstream. If they weren't "deviant", would we like them so much? Would it be such a thrill to do some of these things if you -knew- your neighbor was also doing it?

There is nothing to be ashamed of. Western societies just typically dictate that we keep our sexual kinks to ourself. Some cultures are more open to them, though.

[MeaCulpaUK]

Interesting subject

I beg to differ a little though, especially with some of jp's comments, I for one don't give a monkeys uncle what my neighbours get up to and if they're into T&D then that's fine by me and certainly wouldn't diminish my own enjoyment of it.

I don't even really regard T&D - or CBT for that matter as being at all deviant, and don't get me started on labels for sexual preferences, it's no different from taste buds really, you like what you like and some flavours are more universally enjoyed than others! Some people like the idea of a woman being the sexual dominant (though whether or not Milovana really caters for sub is debatable having seen some of the outrageous topping from the bottom that goes on on the forum!), some people (the freaky, deviant perverts that they are) like shellfish!

And truth be told - I've never met a single man or woman who doesn't enjoy a bit of T&D.. Crocko, I see what you mean about your friends - but ask anyone of them whether or not they'd enjoy being tied up by Tera Patrick and teased to the edge of cumming and being made to beg for it.. fairly sure none of them would turn the offer down

Personally I'm pretty open about being a little kinky with my friends! In fact the only time it's ever backfired was in a long term long distance relationship when I suggested to my paranoid g/f of the time that I could buy a CB6000 and she could keep the key... but that was apparently too pervy for her... and this, from a woman who had a sexual fantasy(which I didn't oblige!) of dressing me up in her undies while she butt fucked me with a strap on at the same time as giving head to a stranger...

In fact, the more I think about it, I come to realise that T&D is pretty tame compared to what most people actually fantasise about in the privacy of their own minds. Maybe we're the main streamers.. maybe some people don't like us being open about it with them in case it forces their sordid lil kinks into the open?

As the saying goes, it's the quiet ones you've got to watch out for

[jp]

Well, I didn't say it would be less enjoyable if everyone did it... I pondered the question of whether or not it would be if it wasn't considered deviant. (In other words, is part of the turn on the fact that it is deviant.)

[MeaCulpaUK]

That's a fair point jp.. just had a flash back to the good days of being a student when taking naughty substances was made more fun simply because they were 'naughty'

[Dan]

ask anyone of them whether or not they'd enjoy being tied up by Tera Patrick and teased to the edge of cumming and being made to beg for it.. fairly sure none of them would turn the offer down

I think what Crocko was getting at was that because of society's perception of what is normal and what is not, you wouldn't even ask your friends that question in the first place. This runs beyond simply t&d, and even encompasses things outside of the sexual field completely. Why do some people eat the orange peel and enjoy it? And why are they then seen as being 'weird' for doing it?
At the end of the day society's 'norm' is depicted by the masses, and therefore most things which are not popular with the majority of people are considered abnormalities. And after all, a kink by definition is surely not normal, otherwise it wouldn't be a kink in the first place.

This situation is slowly changing however - yes the boundaries have been set of what is and is not normal, but awareness is slowly shifting that balance. In the UK at least, over the past couple of decades sexual expression has become a much more mainstream subject. Stores like Ann Summer began to pop up, programmes like Sex and City were broadcast, and suddenly it's not only considered completely normal for a lady to buy a sex toy on her lunch hour, but it's even quite trendy to do so. Compare that situation with 20 years ago. The same is happening for kinks now - kinks are becoming more and more of a mainstream trend.

[Dan]

Well, I didn't say it would be less enjoyable if everyone did it... I pondered the question of whether or not it would be if it wasn't considered deviant. (In other words, is part of the turn on the fact that it is deviant.)

I guess this runs back to MeaCulpaUK's taste bud analogy - different people like different flavours! For some people I can imagine the 'deviant' nature of this to be attracting, whereas some may like it just for what it is. I don't think it's possible to have a single definitive answer for that.
Some people like doing it outdoors for the thrill of being caught, while some people just like the feel of the wind on their bits
Both groups are enjoying the same thing, but for entirely different reasons.

[stormeagle]

Why do some people eat the orange peel and enjoy it?

Deviant freaks. Should be locked up.

[billlr]

My personal "kink" (if you can call it that) is forced orgasm.
That also happens to be my favortie kind of tease on milovana.

If you'll notice the teases that I made, it usually involves that kind of theme to it.

Bill

[camipco]

I think a lot of this is a matter of degrees. It's really common for people to think a little light bondage (i.e. handcuffs) is hot. It's less common to spend hours every day in elaborate Japanese rope bondage. Similarly, little tease games are a really common part of relationships, multiple week denial with hundreds of edges less so.

[MeaCulpaUK]

And after all, a kink by definition is surely not normal, otherwise it wouldn't be a kink in the first place.

I think my argument is that there's no such thing as 'normal' in terms of people's inner most sexual fantasies, so by definition there's no such thing as kinky and I absolutley hate the word 'deviant'.

Was trying to say that instead of there being a vanilla/kinky divide, I'd bet that everyone you know has some hidden 'kink' so I'd like to think it's an open and honest/closet fantasist divide and that either as pure T&D or full on BDSM enthusiasts, we're quite fortunate to have turns ons that are legal, pretty easy to discuss and to implement. I'm not sure but I doubt the forums on horseshaggers.com flows quite as freely!

[Dan]

I think my argument is that there's no such thing as 'normal' in terms of people's inner most sexual fantasies, so by definition there's no such thing as kinky and I absolutley hate the word 'deviant'.

Was trying to say that instead of there being a vanilla/kinky divide, I'd bet that everyone you know has some hidden 'kink' so I'd like to think it's an open and honest/closet fantasist divide and that either as pure T&D or full on BDSM enthusiasts, we're quite fortunate to have turns ons that are legal, pretty easy to discuss and to implement. I'm not sure but I doubt the forums on horseshaggers.com flows quite as freely!

I agree with what you're saying for the individual, but in terms of society's referencing, kinks and deviant practices do exist. What people have as 'inner most sexual fantasies' are just that - they're inside the individual, and they're not always openly expressed because historically the definition of kinky and deviant have already been defined, and carry with them negative connotations. Attitudes are changing though, but it always takes time for society to adjust to new 'norms'.

[belongstomistress]

In the US at least, sometimes I think it is as simple as gender roles and how embedded and seemingly unchangeable they are. For comedians in this country there is no better guaranteed laugh than joking that such and such famous person wears women's underwear. And these same gender roles are probably responsible for every single kinky girl I have ever met wanting to be tied up and spanked and used like a slut. There is nothing wrong with that kink, of course, but it seems weird to me that every "freaky" girl I know is a bottom. Anything that goes against men dominating women is going to be considered taboo. I think it's lame.

I don't think I have added anything new to the conversation. I just got mad thinking about it and decided to post. lol.

[mu]

I have 2 "kinks" if you like to call it that: T&D and ... feet. I'm more ashamed of the latter than of the former, but I don't think I could admit either to a woman (IRL). I'm painfully shy when it comes to that.

Otherwise I'd like to think I'm pretty vanilla, some of the more extreme people on these boards do freak me out a bit.

[kinkydomina]

Mu, are you into giantess fetish? It sure seems so from your avatar.
What is normality and mainstream? Just a convention.