Fantasy or Reality?

This is the place for general discussions on fetishes, sexuality and anything else. What's on your mind right now?
User avatar
Jenna
Explorer At Heart
Explorer At Heart
Posts: 103
Joined: Fri Oct 20, 2006 4:13 am
Location: USA

Fantasy or Reality?

Post by Jenna »

I’m curious as to how many people enjoy just the fantasy of some things and how many would rather be in real situations where they weren’t allowed to cum and abused verbally and physically etc. I bring this up in part because of Dark’s comment in the punishment center about this not being a lifestyle for him. I didn’t want to step out of my dominant role there or put a tangent on that already too active thread. :-P

I’ve had relationships where I was the dominant person in the bedroom. I’ve always really enjoyed it a first but those relationships always seemed to dry up for me. I have a relationship now where we don’t take out the strap-on dildos and handcuffs and such and I think things are working out a lot better for it.

Don’t get me wrong if that works out for you more power to you. I’m just curious as to how peoples fantasies fit into their real world lives.

For me finding ways to explore my dominant side online works out better then in real life.

What are other peoples situations like?

There is already a good thread on real life stories and one on fantasies so this isn’t about that. I’m more curious as to how much of a difference there is in the two in peoples lives.
jp
Community Manager
Community Manager
Posts: 995
Joined: Sat Sep 30, 2006 3:57 am
Gender: Male
Sexual Orientation: Straight
I am a: None of the above
Location: Midwest USA

Post by jp »

Mistress Jenna,

This world is entirely a fantasy world for me... but it's one that I would like to at least experience in reality. Just as you said that being in the relationships where you are Dominant dries up, I believe that after a while being submissive would also dry up.

I enjoy the fantasy here very much. Being controlled, told what to do, etc. just really heightens the experience for me. I could masturbate anytime I wanted, but as quickly as that is over so are the sensations. With teasing and denial, the sensations last much longer. They last not only for the duration of the tease, but for as long as the denial period is. Everything I do here I treat as if it were reality, even though it is not.

Basically, I have two different lives. My normal life that everyone sees at work and with friends, and my private life here online. The two do not crossover at all.

-jp
elvikingo
Explorer
Explorer
Posts: 16
Joined: Tue Aug 15, 2006 1:42 am

Post by elvikingo »

I think what Dark was reacting to was the notion that "women are superior to men."

It is a given though.

They are.

At some things.

Men are superior at others. And there is a huge overlap, of course, so you will find more variance between individuals of either one sex than between the sexes.

Frankly, if the sexes did not differ the world would be a more pale place.

This is the reality part.

Within a fantasy I suppose the idea that one sex is somehow absolutely superior to the other can increase the asymmetry which is what D/s is all about, right?

I am not offended by this fantasy, because it is so obviously just that.

A fantasy.

Anybody taking seriously the notion that "all women are superior to all men," or the reverse, should do a reality check.
User avatar
leavemehanging
Explorer
Explorer
Posts: 22
Joined: Tue Nov 28, 2006 8:00 am

Post by leavemehanging »

For me, many of the things presented on this site reflect real life experiences that I have had to one degree or another. I don't actively pursue the life style in my real life these days (and there are a variety of reasons for that). But if I happen to be with someone romantically for a reasonable period of time, I will share my preferences with them and if they are into it as well then I truly enjoy indulging the fantasy.

So far, the longest I have been denied orgasm is 54 days. Generally speaking periods of denial have been much shorter and it always depends on what my partner at the time is into as well.

Having said all that, there are definitely some BDSM practises that I may enjoy fantasizing about but would probably not enjoy actually participating in; like true cuckolding or anything that involves long lasting or permanent physical injury. To give perhaps an extreme example, I'd probably enjoy a story where a man gives himself up to castration by his Mistress as an ultimate act of servitude, but I'm pretty positive I would not enjoy being castrated myself.

Obviously, all of this is just personal preference and will be different for each individual. I think what we have in common here is that we all enjoy the fantasy to a certain extent whether or not we let it get real in our own lives.
User avatar
dark
Co-Admin
Co-Admin
Posts: 1355
Joined: Mon Aug 14, 2006 3:53 pm
Location: Germany

Post by dark »

For me personal, i have a lot of fantasies (sexual and nonsexual) which i will never live out.

I had my first submissive fantasies in the elementary school! I knew what the passion of submission is before i knew what normal vanilla sex is. I don't know why but i am what i am and so i would really like to have a relationship where i can live out my submissive side. But only in a sexual way. Until now i always was too shy and was too worried about my girlfriend will misunderstand it and leave me for beeing a "pervert".

It's more important for me to have a romantic relationship based on true love and respect by both sides... to make it short love is more important than live out sexual fantasies. So i would foregone my fantasies when i see my girlfriend is not into it or it damgages the relationship. Although i am a man i have to say: Sex is not all (strange isn't? :lol: )

I really respect and accept couples who live out a 24/7 BDSM relationship. If both are lucky with their choice, i think it can be a wonderful kind of love and trust. But this is nothing for me... Maybe i will think different about in 20 years. Who knows ;-)
elvikingo
Explorer
Explorer
Posts: 16
Joined: Tue Aug 15, 2006 1:42 am

Post by elvikingo »

dark wrote:I really respect and accept couples who live out a 24/7 BDSM relationship. If both are lucky with their choice, i think it can be a wonderful kind of love and trust. But this is nothing for me... Maybe i will think different about in 20 years. Who knows ;-)
As a libertarian I recognize people's right to live their sexual lives as they please as long as all is adult and consenting.

As a thinking person I question the sanity of people living 24/7 BDSM relationships.
Mz_Teneale
Resident Mistress
Resident Mistress
Posts: 352
Joined: Sat Oct 21, 2006 5:49 am
Location: Australia
Contact:

Post by Mz_Teneale »

John and My lifestyle i guess is kinda complicated and is pretty hard to explain. I guess you could say John and i are both switches. Except i am more on the dominant side and John is more on the submissive side. I had never heard of teasing and denial before john introduced me to it but now i find i have a few fantasies relating to the subject.

Even though we have fun with teasing and denial, me being dominant and everything, there are some times when i give in to my womanly desires and we have a break. On a break we basically hide the belt in a drawer and completely forget we hve ever used it. On a break we are like a normal young couple. Which is really fun, and it keeps us refreshed. Its good for me because there are some days where i just want to picked up and thrown on the bed. And also i know john gets frustrated and angry that he cannot cum when he wants.

Although we practice bdsm, chastity etc. There are some things we have fantasies about but we will never do. I know for instance we both have had cuckolding fantasies. I would be interested to see what it would be like to fuck another man while having John tied up watching, and staying in his prison. But its weird, i have dreamt about this, but i wouldnt ever want to do it full stop. I do love John and wouldnt want to disrespect him like that. I think the closest thing to this i would ever do is to experiement with a woman and have john watch while being frustrated, or even letting him join in so we could tease him. But i dont think it would ever happen.

So i guess, like Jenna, i find that being dominant all the time becomes stale, so we just have breaks regulary so counter that. It works and we are both very happy :-D
The Mistress From Oz
User avatar
dark
Co-Admin
Co-Admin
Posts: 1355
Joined: Mon Aug 14, 2006 3:53 pm
Location: Germany

Post by dark »

Yeah Mz_Teneale that is the right kind of having such a special relationship. It's important to make a break sometimes and remember that there are other things which are more important.
jason
Explorer
Explorer
Posts: 46
Joined: Wed Nov 15, 2006 5:07 pm

Post by jason »

I've been a submissive (a "lifestyle" service-oriented submissive, but not a live-in), I've played with others for a short time. And when I'm not doing those, I'm just a rather normal guy (OK, a huge dork/nerd/geek).

I've found that the lifestyle is far more fulfilling, but the play is far more fun. But it is a inseparable part of me, whether playing or living.

I do like the concept of playing with female supremacy, but I reject the concept as a real lifestyle. I know a few female supremacists, some I like very much, some...have lied to me. But to me, they are all human.
elvikingo
Explorer
Explorer
Posts: 16
Joined: Tue Aug 15, 2006 1:42 am

Post by elvikingo »

jason wrote:I do like the concept of playing with female supremacy, but I reject the concept as a real lifestyle. I know a few female supremacists, some I like very much, some...have lied to me. But to me, they are all human.
I am curious.

Female Supremacy is:

a) the idea that women should ruler over men?

b) the idea that women are superior to men?

The difference is very big. The first is a normative idea which cannot be tested. It is a statement about how the world ought to be.

The second one is descriptive, it is about how the world is, and as such open to refutation.
User avatar
dark
Co-Admin
Co-Admin
Posts: 1355
Joined: Mon Aug 14, 2006 3:53 pm
Location: Germany

Post by dark »

evilkingo: I think it is both. Some women think they should rule the world because they are suprior to men. I recognized this opinion often from Pro Dommes. I think the reason is that they live in their own world and see every day a lot of men who accept every kind of abusing. I spoke from these men in my topic we talked together ;-) If you see every day these weak men it's just a question of time to loose your respect and think that your gender is suprior.

I also heard from a Pro Domme in Germany that she is not able to have a vanilla relationship anymore, although she gave up her "profession". The reason is, she lost all the respect to men. That is also a reason why i critisize prostitution in general.

Oh you try to give a refutation? :lol: Try to discuss with such a woman. Try it... You will see arrogance, despise and insultings.
Joe1
Explorer
Explorer
Posts: 8
Joined: Fri Oct 20, 2006 1:27 am
Location: Pennsylvania, USA
Contact:

Post by Joe1 »

I think the whole female superiority thing is all fantasy play. IT is a good way to make a man feel inferior and get him into a submissive frame of mind.

Female domination can be done without proclaiming superiority. Having respect for each other makes the domination experience so much more fun because it forms a strong trusting bond between the two people.

For me many of my fantasies have turned to reality. I never imagined that my wife would dominate me. One day I got up the courage to talk to her about my desires to be teased & denied and dominated. She gave it a try and we both loved it.

We started out playing once a month but some things started to spill over into our everyday life. She immediately required me to stop masturbating and to always ask permission to cum. Two years later those rules are still in effect. Also she started requiring me to give her foot massages almost daily and baths weekly. Whenever we had sex she started taking the lead and I naturally went into a submissive role.

I am now 100% submissive to my wife and I love it. Our marriage is stronger than ever and we are having so much fun with it.
JelloBoy
Explorer At Heart
Explorer At Heart
Posts: 203
Joined: Thu Jan 04, 2007 4:44 am
Location: East Coast USA

Post by JelloBoy »

Joe1 wrote:
For me many of my fantasies have turned to reality.
Joe1, I completly understand. I'm not married (anymore, thank goodness!!), and I haven't openly approached any of my girlfriends about T&D, but I've hinted pretty hard.

My last two girlfriends have taken to the dome role pretty well. Currently she loves to stroke me to the edge several times before letting me cum. It's not really prolonged domination, but I like to keep myself denied during the week (work schedules, distance and life just get in the way of seeing each other during the week), so our weekends are explosive! ;-)

So I guess I'd have to say that my fantasy is played out in real life, from time to time.
pleezz
Explorer
Explorer
Posts: 47
Joined: Mon Jan 01, 2007 7:38 am

Post by pleezz »

i've been into being submissive to ladies in fantasy since teenage time. mostly becoz the idea make things seem to be more interactive rather than just watching porns. it is definitely a huge step to be submissive in real for me , i guess.
Ad-gb
Curious Newbie
Curious Newbie
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Jan 19, 2007 10:51 pm

Post by Ad-gb »

In 'real life' I play in both roles over a period of time. Variety is the spice of life, though I have to say that orgasm denial or prolonging the event feature strongly in both scenarios.
Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests