Question for the Subs-- how did you get this way?

[kats_toy]

I first found out that i was a little "different" at school.
The girls then had just found out how squishy balls were... and would proceed to kick them for fun at any given oppertunity, one would even hit you with her umbrella if it was a wet day..
I found myself getting very hard and aroused after being kicked. Part of me thought it must be normal and other parts of me thought i was some strange deviant!

I was so happy to find out years later that they were both right

My initial kink was CBT and when in college i found all sorts of wonderful websites, NTCweb being the main one. While on some of these sites i began chatting with a submissive woman from the US. After chatting for a long while we decided to try switching for each other since we hit it off so well.
After a while she became more and more Dominant pushing me further and further, upto the very evil hot waxing of certain very sensitive areas. She'd always let me cum at the end of our play time. And all of a sudden she didnt... She told me she wanted me to wait, to enjoy the full ache and because she really wanted to abuse me while i was already needy...
From there my love and NEED for T&D blossomed! From there i went to the new and improved Orgasmdenial.com and shortly after that i found my way here, and oh my god the aches that have been induced by some of the webteases here

[zadig]

As with many others posting here, it seems I was born this way. Submissive fantasies predated sexual fantasies by years. I fantasized of the girls in school holding me, binding me, and controlling me. But then, I never knew what I wanted them to do with me once abducted!

As for transmformative experiences, I would say there were several. The first being the odd undercurrent of FemDom material running through suppposedly vanilla television shows of the 1960's. Catwoman, Ginger on Gilligan's Island, Samantha Stevens' cousin Serena, and Genie's dark haired cousin all showed that femine sexuality could all be used to confuse, disarm and subdue the male will. I soaked up those lessons.

Next was the discovery of a particular issue of Playboy in father's room that contained several articles on domination and submission. It was literally the first time I ever knew others beside myself had these thoughts. Many of you may know the joy and relief felt that day! And how many times did I pleasure myself to those short stories, and those few cramped images? This was followed by years of searching through the Penthouse letters section, ignoring every item until I found the few (so very few!) containing stories of the Dominant Female. Penthouse also introduced me to the notion of tease-and-denial.

But from there, things never progressed. Never came together. The faltering attempts to get girlfriends to understand fell flat -- perhaps mostly because I still had no understanding of domination or submission myself. How do you describe what you do not know? I olny knew that the ritualistc fetish figures in magazines were so exciting. The poorly written stories of power and enslavement so compelling. But translating that to real life...? So, vanilla relationships and a mostly vanilla marriage resulted.

Perhaps the last significant single event came years later from reading Akasha's stories and non-fiction pieces online. She went past the whips, chains, and leather of the pulp magazine and wrote of emotion, motivation, and introspection. This may sound so foolish, but I finally realized it wasn't the toys of BDSM that were important, but the effect of the toys on the heart and mind. They were simply tools to the end.

There was a kind of freedom in that realization, in that I grew less focused on the specific form of domination and submission, and more on the effect. I grew less focused on sessions and more focused on relationships. Less focused on what a Domme might do that aroused me, and more focused on the process of giving in to her will.

Naturally, I have likes and dislikes and some things make me go wild with desire right off the bat, but the bottom line is that it's all about loss of control (or is it giving of control?). So anything that makes me pause and say "Hmm, I wouldn't normally have done that." can be fair game to bring those delicously submissive feelings up and out. SophiaStafford's comments along those lines -- the incremental shaping and molding of behaviors -- are therefore quite exciting to read.

This thread is very interesting and thoughtful. Thank you, everyone, for sharing your insights and experiences. And thank you for reading this long-winded reply! zadig

[rettetsar]

This is something I've recently been wondering a lot about. The human brain is ridiculously fascinating.

Let me start by saying, I have not actually done any submissive play besides my own fantasies and 'self-domination'. The opportunity to meet such a woman that fulfilled my desires just never came along.

I am currently under the impression that a big part of the reason I am submissive is that I have Attention Deficit disorder (Inattentive type). Summed up, I lack stimulation... and I impulsively/addictively seek higher forms stimulation. It manifests itself in several ways, and that's not exactly the basis of the disorder, but its what I think relates to my submissiveness, and kinky tastes.

Naturally one of the things this constant seeking for higher forms of stimulation led me to was BDSM. Afterall, what is more stimulating than BDSM? (granted its all about personal preference... but given the circumstances, regular porn just never interested me)

Now when I first considered having ADD, BDSM/pornography didnt even cross my mind. But one day I randomly got the urge to search the ADD forums for 'fetishes' and to my surprise I found a bunch of stories that were oh so familiar.

Now my submissiveness specifically took a while for me to realize. Simply put, often I find i need to be forced to get things done...and its that drive that I crave. Just as procrastination leads to fear of failure which leads to that boost in stimulation/attention. (Fantasizing about) Being at the knees of an attractive dominatrix wielding a whip gives me a similar (but more powerful) boost (and the growth in my pants is a big plus). So it seems like its more of an addictive fantasy that gets me off... But I realize this somewhat unrealistic. And as a result I've had lots of misconceptions about the BDSM culture. I'm currently planning on learning more about submission and cutting back on the fetish's that just get me off.

I came across this article that talks about a submissive guy with ADD who sees a Professional Dominatrix
http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/the-vi ... ity/all/1/
It brings up an interesting perspective, the person in the story seems to have similar fantasies to me... but I think its explanation for the behavior is close minded, and I actually find it pretty offensive.

So my history of submissive behavior.
Early in elementary school, around 2nd grade, I already was fantasizing about being tied up, being under the control of woman. I have a vivid recollection of one of my fantasies... and I got the fantasy from probably a mixture of cartoons depicting people getting tied up, and specifically a "Magic School Bus" episode where they shrink and enter the human body (My fantasy involved the rectum )

Anyway 3rd grade I started exploring some more. I remember handcuffing myself to the bed
6th grade I discovered the internet and my fetish exploration exploded for a few years, but now I've settled down on a few. I started watching more Femdom and submission videos. Listening to erotic hypnosis (Nikki Fatale / Isabella valentine, etc). That got more interested in actual real life submission, and also led me to this site and the tease and denial thing.

Now that I'm in college I'm pretty damn motivated to bring my fantasies into reality. I'm tired/bored of my current routine (and boy am I glad I found this site!)

Sorry if this is long... just didn't come across any similar posts so I felt my perspective would be an interesting thing to throw into the mix :)

[devandi]

i think i`ve been a natural born sub. but the older i got the more aware i`ve got to my td and chastity needs i got!

[Ihmemursumarko]

I think that me being fascinated with being a sub gradually increased. Younger I wanted to give my partner a sexually great feeling, putting her needs before mine. I actually fantasized about licking and massaging a girl, giving her a great pleasure.

Only later I learned about subs, dominants and such. And started to find it VERY interesting. I'd be thrilled to find a girl that would be interested in such things..

Oh, and first post. :)

[Human]

Dont know, but for as long as I can remember, my interests have been a bit kinky. It started off with a mild interest in F/F domination, exhibitionism, then handjobs, then Tease&Denial, and then finally femdom/CBT/castration fantasies.
But seeing through my progression, the common theme seems to be "women in control". I dont particularly enjoy "you are a worthless piece of shit" kind of stuff. Women in control, and enjoying themselves, thats my fetish.

PS: Sophia -- you are a scary woman, and any sane guy should run far far away; and yet strangely I feel captivated. I cannot explain it.