On relationships, society and self-pleasure with CH / RLGL

[Demonika]

Some intense 'shit' going on here .People are talking about relationship, Edging -bliss signing off from his milovana account, pseudonym reveling some names, major CH creator(s) striking arguments on each other, Book guy Deleting all his comment cause people have been 'human' to him and Edging-bliss (poor Man) I hope you return.
let me go back to webtease I have been playing...

[edger477]

Though, the main point I wanted to express through that story was cautioning against ideologies (of any kind really)

You probably wanted to state against extreme/fundamentalist ideologies?

Because, any set of beliefs/philosophies is a ideology... even if you express the belief that man should be a protector and provider for his family, and then deduce that in order to be successful with that you first have to "take care of yourself, in order to be able to take care of others" - you get a basic conservative ideology.
And under "take care of yourself", I should probable quote what Sapphire wrote as he put it rather nicely:

eating well, exercising, getting enough sleep, having a balanced life without addictions, working on hobbies and goals

I know that many people live happily following that "ideology", so why would you caution against it? Of course it is not for everyone, and we should all be free to decide how to live our lives, but whatever you decide you will follow some set of beliefs (ideology), and those that aren't very good ideologies, their followers will be less successful so they will become part of history, and more successful ones will thrive.

[Nodoro]

The first step to me being more attractive to women I desire was taking care of and being content with myself. Things like eating well, exercising, getting enough sleep, having a balanced life without addictions, working on hobbies and goals, maintaining and developing healthy relationships with my family and close friends, etc. all make me feel better and more confident. Nothing to do with women...that's just a side benefit.

^This
For a very long time I lived with the belief that my state of mind was something I could control if I wanted it hard enough. Well, it turned out my fast-food diet, addictions, crappy sleep pattern, awful work/life balance and complete lack of physical activities had a huge impact on how I felt on a day-to-day basis. If you eat a boatload of sugar you are going to feel down roughly two hours latter (hypoglycemia). You may try to compensate by drinking a barrel of coffee but only to find yourself eyes wide open in the middle of the night. Well, since you are awake why not light that cigarette while browsing social media and screw up your circadian rhythm real good with that blue light from your smartphone ? Obviously with the lack of sleep you need a lot more fuel in the morning to get the day started, like a ton of sugar... Off course individual response to any of those thinks may vary and I can only talk about my own experience here. If you are just over 20 your body is probably able to sustain way more abuse than mine. But over the years I felt that making small, step by step, changes to those aspects helped me a lot in having a more positive state of mind which in turns helped me want to do more stuff : more curiosity, more hobbies, more projects, more time with friends, more things to care about…. And ultimately more things to talk about when I meet someone new.

I reflected about my past failures with women recently and I can see two root causes :

• Not knowing more about my mental health. From 15 to 25 dating was not working because I was simply way to anxious and depressed to be attractive. Even with a rather progressive upbringing I had the feeling that I just « man up » and « needed to get out of my comfort zone » to get laid. Well, several diagnosis latter I know it was mostly severe anxiety and acknowledging it at the time would have tremendously helped. This part is really difficult, I think especially as a male, because of the stigma associated with mental issues. Nobody wants that kind of difference. Maybe you have undiagnosed anxiety and/or depression, a form of attention deficit disorder, a 30 IQ points difference with the general population, a certain type of autism or any other form of neurodivergence... If that is the case you will probably spend way more energy fitting in than the average joe/jane. They will bathe in the dating pool (more or less gracefully) while you try to swim with your clothe on and a backpack. Granted, not everyone has mental issues and life can be difficult even without. But if you feel that you might be concerned don’t brush it off and start talking to a professional. I know I wasted 10 years...

• Not listening to how I felt at the moment. Countless time I acted on my (poor) understanding of social expectations instead of my gut feelings. It rarely went well. I would act confident while feeling distressed. Or I would keep it to myself instead of ask questions I really wanted to ask. Or try to act tough instead of admitting a form of vulnerability. Everybody play a role or pretend at some point but it shows if ones try to hard. I now think it’s necessary to say things like « Hey, I really like you but I haven’t dated in a while so I hope it’s OK if I’m a little anxious » or, « Look, I feel yesterday didn’t went well between us. Can we talk about it ? ». Being rejected after one of this two sentences is probably for the better : the other person is not ready to meet you halfway and you should move on.

I really hope my post doesn’t read a something condescending or another boilerplate of unwanted advice. What I write applies to me and after reading your stories I wouldn't want you to think that I have it all figured out. I haven't. But over the last decade I tried to unfuck my life and I am in a much better place now, even if I still have so so much to do. Take care.