Live-in for Mistress (Not a want ad!)

[SissyNicole]

Hey everyone, it's been awhile since I've really been online, but I'm running into a bit of a dilemma. Everyone here has seen the teases/stories/videos/captioned pictures about Domme/sub relationships, and I think I am justified in saying that 99% of Milovanians find that as a huge turn on, especially a full time situation. But, has anyone here thought about the ramifications of taking on such as drastic lifestyle change?

I have an account on collarme.com, and have talked with quite a few Dommes. In the past two years I have actually turned down two live-in positions, and now I have a third Domme who is considering me. I'm not sure about it though. The thoughts running through my head are very conflicting.

There are the pro's to this. The most obvious being what we see online. The kink, the constant sexual talk/scenarios, ect. Also, with me being twenty and not exactly having the guidance, or drive to do what I have wanted to do by now, I would have that sort of "motherly figure", using the phrase loosely, to kick my rear in gear.

Now for the con's. Moving three hours away where I don't know any of my surroundings or people, not regularly talking with friends and family, all money I make from work going directly to my Mistress, which, in turn, royally screws me if things turn sour in the relationship, and also not being able to move ahead in society, or be independent in any way (which can go for most Domme/sub relationships I suppose).

I'm just not sure here. I want this, but then again, I'm constantly second guessing myself. With the last two Dommes, the same thoughts were pouring into my head, and scared me out of not going through with it, but at the same time, I'm back online within a week, trying to find another. There are other factors here, such as my sexuality (I'm a square piece trying to fit into a circle hole when it comes to any established label, but that's another story in itself), and other things that probably wouldn't apply to the general public, but I'm not very interested in incorporating those variables.

But, after that long post, I was wondering if anyone has any advice on this, or has been in a similar situation that could help in anyway.

Thanks a million :)

[Nezhul]

Well, first of all let me say, that I am personally not into hardcore DS relationship of either kind. I could enjoy both femdom and maledom (i.e. me topping a girl) play as a sexual scenarios.
Now there are a lot of people out there whos limits are different than mine. I'v heard of some people living in quite a hardcore submissive lifestyle, where their life will be controlled in the most aspects, like iven to meet a friend/family or talk to them you need to ask permission. The closest example is a few topics below, actually.
http://www.milovana.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=9880

BUT. I believe you should engage in those hardcore things only if you really want it to happen. There's no measuring pros and cons when we talk about money and your actual freedom as an individual. I would advise against such things.
Also in my personal view, you should go hardcore only with people you know. Relationship goes first, and hardcore arrangements go when you know each other. Just signing up to some stranger (or an internet friend) to give money and so much control to that person is IMO a very stupid thing to do. 99.9(9)% probability are that your arrangement won't last long, and you basically just lose the money and a lot of social opportunities, you waste time.
As I really like to say, you can find a mistress online, but you can't find wife. That mistress will be with you as long as it's amusing (or as long as you pay her), which clearly will lead only to your disappointment in the end.
I can understand that you may want to find a mistress and experience all those hot fetishes you love. BUT. I suggest you either
a) find a softcore mistress that is ready to play on a no-obligation basis. Pretty hard to do, but possible. You don't own her nothing and you don't give up any of your freedoms outside of a game session. That is quite safe.
b) Try to find a kinky girlfriend that's eager to experiment. You start slow and see where it takes you. You have obligations as to any normal girlfriend.

One thing I want to point out that I don't have any faith in the relationship that start with kink. Oh you may try to find a girlfriend in some theme-based groups, but not stressing out the need to be dominated. If you are in this grop that's clearly a kink you both share. But if your first sexual contact turns out to be fetish-based by arrangement - no good will likely come out of it.

I'm rambling quite a lot. But in short my point is: you give your money and your freedom only to the person you love and only if you are OK with it. No pros can outweight it.

[Red_Chelios]

Now for the con's. Moving three hours away where I don't know any of my surroundings or people, not regularly talking with friends and family, all money I make from work going directly to my Mistress, which, in turn, royally screws me if things turn sour in the relationship, and also not being able to move ahead in society, or be independent in any way (which can go for most Domme/sub relationships I suppose).

How well do you know this Domme?

Why is all the money you make from work going to go directly to her?
If she asked for that I would say it's an instant red flag, you should keep your own money, or a shared bank account where you have equal access.
The doubts you're expressing sound as though she's thinking of you as a lesser person, or thinking of herself as your better. You are equals and that needs to be the case for the relationship to work.

This also sounds as though you're expecting something from this that reality likely won't be able offer. There are too many varying aspects of life to account for to be possible to live like a fantasy. It should be more like normal day to day life only twisted to embrace both of your kinks, not the entire center of your life.

Talk to her about the exact details of the arrangement to figure how this is going to work.

Kyle

[Sett]

As much as i like submission and to some degree understand the motives here, i wouldn't, for the world, give up my whole salary to someone i met online.

Think of it as getting married to that woman. Only more serious. I mean it's nice to give and all, but only if you know the person really well. And considering the amount of divorces in the last decade, i think it's safe to say that most people DON'T know each other even when they do get married. Never mind the lifestyle...

I think Nez summed it up quite well, actually.

[Timshel]

Can't you swim in the shallow end, before you throw on the SCUBA gear, grab a huge rock and jump in the ocean?

I mean really. It it is going to be a worthwhile real relationship, and if it's a real Domme and not some scam. I'd think she'd want to take some baby steps.

Meet for drinks first, perhaps at a fetish friendly club, play a session or two, then perhaps you go for a weekend. 3 hours away is close enough to try on the relationship before signing it all over.

If she is not interested in trying first, well that is a HUGE red flag in my book.

[Ohmega]

all money I make from work going directly to my Mistress

Stopped reading here.

You're only twenty, so here's some free advice:

There is more to your lifestyle than sexuality. That's just one fraction of what makes you who you are. There is never a good reason to give up everything else to focus on one part of yourself. Would you give up your job and friends just so you could have sex? It's really not THAT important.

You say you're a square peg in a round hole, and I daresay a lot of us here can relate to that. I think most of us would agree that you shouldn't settle for something harmful just to fill the gap.