Wish my wife wasnt so boring

[Alliteration]

A very smart seductress understands that if you study a man, find the top sexual things that make his cock the hardest and then do that better than any one EVER, you will own the man.

Right, because men are completely controllable via their sex drives. Personality and compatibility don't matter.

False. A woman could be the perfect sexual goddess, who knows how to push my buttons in exactly the right way, and I'm not going to like her at all if she's a bitch outside of the bedroom.

sex is still consider an act of procreation

It is? Then explain why so, so many people nowadays have sex recreationally ALL THE TIME. Explain the booming contraception industry.

Men use sex as comfort and to escape stressful realities while women tend to shut down.

Nice generalization there.

As she moves and become more healthy you encourage her all the time- "Omg baby you look amazing!" , "I am the luckiest man in the world."

What if she starts to think that he only likes her for her looks? Sounds like a bad idea. How well such advice works is going to depend on the individual. Why are you telling him to do this without knowing what his wife is like? It could end very, very badly.

Take her out to dinner dressed up- "Honey you should see this guy checking out your ass!"

Guy: Honey you should see this guy checking out your ass!
Girl: *looks around, embarrassed, as she's shy* Where?
Guy: *Has nothing to say, as no one was actually checking out her ass, because they were sitting down at dinner and it wasn't really visible*
Girl: Ugh...let's just go home.

^what if something like that happens?

The more sexy she feels the more seductive and the two of you will have the most amazing relationship.

I wasn't aware that relationships were based on sexiness. I've always tried to base them on personality and compatibility. Guess I was wrong.

Trust me. I don't just do wank off phone sex. I specialize in very artful complex sexual fantasies and a great deal of my work is working with men like you or couples.

This qualifies you to be a marriage counselor? Are you licensed?

-------------------------------------------------------------

@Saltgodis:

The only people who can solve this problem are you and your wife (and if things get really bad, possibly a qualified marriage counselor). Shell said it best - it's a personal issue, and you need to talk to her about it to identify the problem. None of us know you or your wife at all, so any advice other than that...probably won't work.

[saltgodis]

Thanks for all your advices. Its hard to know whats right.
Well even though i have a cock, it doesnt mean that i dont have feelings. I can feel thoose feelings everyday i am afraid. Am i not enough for her, whats wrong.....and well yes we have talked about it, i have explained to her that i feel sad because of being rejected all the time. I AM. I EXIST. I HAVE FEELINGS. I WANT TO FEEL SPECIAL TOO. I dont feel special when i only take care of the house, kids, like crawling for my wife, no...i have feelings to. I mean of course i feel special to have theese wonderful kids and i love them over my life. BUT, what makes me special is when my wife makes me feel special. I want to feel sexy too.

I can say and i am ashame of it, i shouldnt feel like that, BUT when a girl, complete stranger, looks right into my eyes and smile, then there is a feeling that my wife dont give me anymore.... i really think that she also needs to think about what i need to.

And well, a man kan be simple, sex is wonderful, and nothing makes me feel more special than when a woman desire me, and wants to share that hot sexy intimate moment with me... i think my wife has lost that, or should i say, forgotten it. But i cant turn on the fire again without her help. Because the way she acts she actually puts it out instead.

Sorry, i got a bit emotional there, ive been thinking a bit....and i am so tired of hearing about the traditional solutions, that the man needs to crawl before the girls feet and kiss her toes to turn her on again.
I can do all that, yes i can, but if i shall adore her then she needs to show that she is worthy that to. Its about respect for eachs other i think. Dont you?

Sorry if i sounds stupid here, but i had to let some thoughts of my mind.

[nearkos]

saltgodis wrote:
So anyone else, or am i alone?

No, you're not alone for sure.

When I read your posts, I found a lot of similarities to our relation.

We didn't have any kind of sex for about 7 years, now.
After years of begging and talking about, some kind of pride kicked in and I resigned some years ago.
From time to time I get the blues and try again talking about my problem. These situations mostly escalates and aren't very productive at all...

[shell]

Spoiler: show

Thanks for all your advices. Its hard to know whats right.
Well even though i have a cock, it doesnt mean that i dont have feelings. I can feel thoose feelings everyday i am afraid. Am i not enough for her, whats wrong.....and well yes we have talked about it, i have explained to her that i feel sad because of being rejected all the time. I AM. I EXIST. I HAVE FEELINGS. I WANT TO FEEL SPECIAL TOO. I dont feel special when i only take care of the house, kids, like crawling for my wife, no...i have feelings to. I mean of course i feel special to have theese wonderful kids and i love them over my life. BUT, what makes me special is when my wife makes me feel special. I want to feel sexy too.

I can say and i am ashame of it, i shouldnt feel like that, BUT when a girl, complete stranger, looks right into my eyes and smile, then there is a feeling that my wife dont give me anymore.... i really think that she also needs to think about what i need to.

And well, a man kan be simple, sex is wonderful, and nothing makes me feel more special than when a woman desire me, and wants to share that hot sexy intimate moment with me... i think my wife has lost that, or should i say, forgotten it. But i cant turn on the fire again without her help. Because the way she acts she actually puts it out instead.

Sorry, i got a bit emotional there, ive been thinking a bit....and i am so tired of hearing about the traditional solutions, that the man needs to crawl before the girls feet and kiss her toes to turn her on again.
I can do all that, yes i can, but if i shall adore her then she needs to show that she is worthy that to. Its about respect for eachs other i think. Dont you?

Sorry if i sounds stupid here, but i had to let some thoughts of my mind.

*gives you a warm, gentle hug....doesn't speak....just hugs you*

[saltgodis]

*gives you a warm, gentle hug....doesn't speak....just hugs you*

Thank you...wish that was IRL......

[Human]

Thanks for all your advices. Its hard to know whats right.
Well even though i have a cock, it doesnt mean that i dont have feelings. I can feel thoose feelings everyday i am afraid. Am i not enough for her, whats wrong.....and well yes we have talked about it, i have explained to her that i feel sad because of being rejected all the time. I AM. I EXIST. I HAVE FEELINGS. I WANT TO FEEL SPECIAL TOO. I dont feel special when i only take care of the house, kids, like crawling for my wife, no...i have feelings to. I mean of course i feel special to have theese wonderful kids and i love them over my life. BUT, what makes me special is when my wife makes me feel special. I want to feel sexy too.

I can say and i am ashame of it, i shouldnt feel like that, BUT when a girl, complete stranger, looks right into my eyes and smile, then there is a feeling that my wife dont give me anymore.... i really think that she also needs to think about what i need to.

And well, a man kan be simple, sex is wonderful, and nothing makes me feel more special than when a woman desire me, and wants to share that hot sexy intimate moment with me... i think my wife has lost that, or should i say, forgotten it. But i cant turn on the fire again without her help. Because the way she acts she actually puts it out instead.

Sorry, i got a bit emotional there, ive been thinking a bit....and i am so tired of hearing about the traditional solutions, that the man needs to crawl before the girls feet and kiss her toes to turn her on again.
I can do all that, yes i can, but if i shall adore her then she needs to show that she is worthy that to. Its about respect for eachs other i think. Dont you?

Sorry if i sounds stupid here, but i had to let some thoughts of my mind.

Relating this to Josephine's post. I apprciate the tactics presented by Josephine, and I've read similar things posted by other people, but they seem like ...tactics. Useful tactics, but tactics nonetheless. To manipulate the woman into sex.

As saltgodis put it so well above, men also have a an emotional need of feeling wanted. He can use the tactics to get sex (perhaps), but this doesnt address the underlying issue of being unwanted.

I dont know if there is a solution.
Is there one? What do counsellors suggest for this?

[Goddess Josephine]

I'd love to hear from a therapist on how to do this. I know at least 5 guys who tried the communication approach and their wives stopped having any kind of sex with them and thought they were slap ass crazy. Tactics? lol yes, perhaps but they work if given time. I don't view it as manipulation but setting the stage for sexual consciousness. The biggest problem that I see with a man introducing kinky or taboo sex to his woman is his approach. It always seems to be about him. She wonders what's really in it for her. My "tactic" makes it about her first and then she is more receptive to his needs.

[Human]

I'd love to hear from a therapist on how to do this. I know at least 5 guys who tried the communication approach and their wives stopped having any kind of sex with them and thought they were slap ass crazy. Tactics? lol yes, perhaps but they work if given time. I don't view it as manipulation but setting the stage for sexual consciousness. The biggest problem that I see with a man introducing kinky or taboo sex to his woman is his approach. It always seems to be about him. She wonders what's really in it for her. My "tactic" makes it about her first and then she is more receptive to his needs.

What is the communication approach?

I was actually not talking about kinky sex, and IMHO saltgodis' problem is not absence of kink, but rather absence of sex altogether. And as he mentions, before marriage, there was some oral sex activity. So, its not as if his wife has not done these activities.

And to be honest, the cessation of oral sex after marriage is "bait and switch". I cannot see it any other way. If it was a gradual decline, I could have understood. But a sudden cessation...

At this point, she is having sex once in 2 months with him. With this low frequency, it appears that sex is a chore for her.

saltgodis, have you talked to her about your need for sex (including oral)? What did she say?

[Goddess Josephine]

You're right, my bad. It's my one track mind and thinking everyone has kinky sex.

Bait and switch? lol You could be right. I personally hate giving oral sex which is why I solicit others to do it for me. But I'm sure there are women who really love it just like guys who love eating pussy.

She knows about his need for sex. She probably feels pressure over it but doesn't say anything. Instead she shuts down, backs off, ignores. So aside from kinky sex I believe my "tactic" will in fact work.

[saltgodis]

I have indeed talked to her about the sex problem many times. But lately i have begun to express my feelings more. I simply tell her what i feel like. And i feel really really sorry for not being wanted sexually. I have asked if my look dont appeal to her anymore. If i doesnt turn her on anymore. She sais i do. So i dont understand.

I have been working out in the gym 3 times a week for half a year to get a nice slim and sexy body. For her....i want to be sexy in her eyes...

And when it comes to oralsex...well i almost have that feeling of bait and switch or how you expressed it.
Well i know that she is not very fond of it...but come on. I only request a few minutes that bring me heavenly pleasure and in return i would gladly give her oral pleasure for an hour.. :) That is how much i like when a women suck me of. Well there is many thing that i am not very fond of but i do them anyway...and i dont mean sexual things.....

And i dont request any kinky sex....i request only to get sex....normal sex....if oral is classified as kinky sex well..i dont know....i dont think so personally....

[janmb]

Sounds to me like she is simply a fairly asexual individual and/or has sexual inhibitions she is maybe not even being open with you about. Hard to tell what to do about that if anything can indeed be done at all.

Since it sounds like you both are talking about this, at least about the aspects you dare to talk about, and it is obviously not moving things along in the right direction, have you considered counseling? She may obviously react badly to such a suggestion as well, but this is essentially boiling down to a problem with your relationship that you might wanna seek a third party's help to solve...

[Human]

I have indeed talked to her about the sex problem many times. But lately i have begun to express my feelings more. I simply tell her what i feel like. And i feel really really sorry for not being wanted sexually. I have asked if my look dont appeal to her anymore. If i doesnt turn her on anymore. She sais i do. So i dont understand.

What does she say when you say you want sex more often?

What country are you from?

Josephine, its not just about getting oral sex, I think saltgodis said that now he cannot even *give* oral sex to her.

[saltgodis]

She sais that she knows i want sex...and she understand that i feel sad...but well nothing more i am afraid.
Sometime i simply ask if she could be so kind to give me a simple jerkoff... but that seems to be hard for here to sacrifice herself for that cause.... :(

Im from sweden....

Yes i am not even allowed to give oralsex....i wish i could...im longing for pussy....sorry for my language....

[Human]

She sais that she knows i want sex...and she understand that i feel sad...but well nothing more i am afraid.
Sometime i simply ask if she could be so kind to give me a simple jerkoff... but that seems to be hard for here to sacrifice herself for that cause.... :(

Im from sweden....

Yes i am not even allowed to give oralsex....i wish i could...im longing for pussy....sorry for my language....

What does she say when you ask for a jerkoff?
"No, I dont want to do it" ?????

[saltgodis]

Exactly....she sais "I dont feel like doing that" or "Im too tired"...

Guess she thinks my cock is disgusting or something.....i dont know....
or maybe she doesnt like that i leak alot of precum...but damn i cant help it