Meeting a Domme

[SissyNicole]

Alright I don't usually go into the forums too much, but I have something big coming up in a few days if you haven't guessed by the name of the topic. I met a Domme on collarme.com and I'm rather nervous about meeting up. She is a Pro-Domme, so for money, but I really don't care anymore. I've been trying to meet up with a Domme for over a year now, and it's always the same.

"Your too young (I'm 19), too inexperienced, too far away", or they get cold feet right before meeting. Or even worse yet, the wonderful, "I need you to prove that you are serious. I'm vacationing in Nigeria at the moment so send me $500 by Western Union to Achmed Mohammed. My name is Jane Doe, but that is the name of my friend who lives out here." (Obviously I don't send money over the internet) I am just sick and tired of all of it and decided to "Go Pro" so to speak.

I'm having a couple of thoughts/problems though, that I was hoping the community can help me with.

First off I live in Pennsylvania (USA) and I'm not sure about all of the laws about this sort of thing here, but you can sugar coat it all you want (tribute, financial domination, ect.), this is technically prostitution. What are the odds that this is some fucked up sting operation? (I know highly unlikely, but this woman has moved quite fast, probably for the money, but still) Also, blackmail is something that comes to mind. She has me tied up, wearing woman's clothes, snapping photos and tells me I have to return to her once a week or on the internet they go.

I mean, I'm excited for this. I want to do this. This is actually something that has been impacting my life a lot lately. But I'm also concerned/freaking out at the same time. HELP PLEASE!!!

[Alliteration]

I'm having a couple of thoughts/problems though, that I was hoping the community can help me with.

You're having doubts - that means this is a bad idea. Never, ever let someone you don't trust tie you up. As for the rest...well I honestly don't really have anything against prostitution per se, other than that I don't think it would be a very fulfilling experience. Your time and money is better spent elsewhere.

It might be a sting, a con, or something else, or it might not. It has its risks. Are you willing to take that chance? I wouldn't be.

I've been trying to meet up with a Domme for over a year now, and it's always the same.

Are you doing this only online? If so, perhaps you should start getting into your local BDSM scene; attend a few munches and go from there.

[les]

I work on a simple principle if the words

Money and Nigeria.
Are in the same correspondence from someone.

DO not send money
The next contact will ask for more stating another complication.

They love Western Union as it is cash and unstoppable and the recipient untraceable.

BTW
We had a scam on Students being told to deposit money with Western Union
And to text/sms the receipt number
To prove they could afford the deposit on a flat or room

Unsurprisingly the money was taken
All contact stopped.
There was no accommodation.

So beware or Money transfers at all times.

[ismara]

Are you actually having sexual contact with your domme? If not, you may be worrying over nothing - most professional dominatrices specifically have strict rules against having any kind of sexual contact, and I think in many places their services outside of the definition of prostitution. Laws vary between countries and states, so if you are genuinely concerned, you should consult a lawyer who would know the specifics your state laws to set your mind at ease.

There's nothing wrong with paying for her services, but as for the blackmail, before you panic you should communicate these concerns to your domme in a serious and non-sexual context. As Alliteration mentioned, trust is crucial to healthy BDSM and not something you should be willing to compromise for these experiences. Being able to express and set your limits is an important part of that, and a true professional will know this better than anyone.

[Goddess Josephine]

I have relationships in my personal life and also provide phone domination. I have very good friends that are professional domina's.

If you are young and inexperienced then you should invest your time and money being the type of slave/pet that a dominant woman wants. I know that a lot of people believe that you turn yourself over so she can mold you, however this just isn't true entirely. Yes, she will have her preferences but when it comes to protocol, boundaries, proper communication, you need training for this. Most lifestyle Mistresses will chose someone with more real time experiences because they know what they want and have worked out some of the conflict that comes with submission. In the real world submission is taboo. You need to come to terms with the fact that it takes more strength to relinquish control then not. IMO a real man is one that will do anything for the woman he adores and doesn't get caught up in what other people think. If your long term goal is to have an actual relationship with a dominant woman you need to get this first. This normally comes with experience.

You should not ever send money to anyone unless you have an agreement and or relationship already. If she is expecting tribute to train you then it is an agreement. If she fails to hold up to her end of the agreement then you should consider finding someone who will. The great thing about prodommes is that if you find a really good one you can experience some of your fantasies and get a better idea of what helps you move into sub-space. The things you are "into" are the things that help you achieve this state of mind and or dynamic with another person. You can't really do this in email.

I don't meet with my phone clients in person. I make this clear right from the start. Our relationship is professional even if it becomes intimately personal. Its not just phone sex. 60% or higher I am involve with in an ongoing dynamic of control. We build trust, training, I give advice and its a journey. It does not replace a relationship. It's there when you need it and there are some married men that need D/s in their life but can not present it to their wife or they need help with doing so. I've been very successful in doing this and enjoy it very much. Would I do it for free? No. I enjoy my work and I am fortunate enough to be successful in what I do. I do, however share on my blogs and any place I can to try and help people that can't afford my services. I also work with my callers on a budget so that they dont get out of hand and can still use my services and purchase sexy toys.

Check out fetlife.com and network with people real time. Collar me has a lot of scammers and men posing as women. As already suggested here find local munches and groups. just go and meet friends. You'll learn a lot just being around others.

The very best of luck to you and your exciting journey.

Josephine

[SissyTashi]

It's a shame you have PMs turned off, Josephine, because I just wanted to send a note saying that I am very happy you decided to stay, and you've been giving very solid advice here. :)

[Goddess Josephine]

It's a shame you have PMs turned off, Josephine, because I just wanted to send a note saying that I am very happy you decided to stay, and you've been giving very solid advice here. :)

awwww thanks sweetie but its too much for me to keep up with msg here. You can always email me [email protected] and of course from my blogs. I wish you would post on my blogs in comments. We have a great time

[les]

Goddess Josephine thank you for showing the other side of the coin to SissyNicole .

I agree the steps need to be slow and metered
It is a shame that if you go too fast and furious you can be ruined for a very long time.

There is far more than "Just Money" in a Dom/me sub relationship.

[Goddess Josephine]

Goddess Josephine thank you for showing the other side of the coin to SissyNicole .

I agree the steps need to be slow and metered
It is a shame that if you go too fast and furious you can be ruined for a very long time.

There is far more than "Just Money" in a Dom/me sub relationship.

I am very happy to help Les.

tribute and money is a touchy subject. Let's face it there are some serious scams going on and many people fall victim to it. There is nothing wrong with sexual services if they are professional and the exchange of value is there. I get some guys that call me and tell me the craziest shit about female domination and what their last phone mistress made them do. Its like the blind leading the blind.

[les]

More like the Godless leading the gullible.

Then reasoning leaves home and destitution rears its head.

[Shaddar86]

You need to come to terms with the fact that it takes more strength to relinquish control then not. IMO a real man is one that will do anything for the woman he adores and doesn't get caught up in what other people think.

Maybe this is not the place to discuss about this, but I liked take the argument as a starting point to ask you a question. You're saying that someone needs more strength to not have control and give it instead on someone else. But how does this connects with the concept of a real man that adores his woman and doesn't have shame in showing it?

I mean, I've been engaged with a couple of women and, besides they where absolutly not dominant, this did never stopped me from adoring them.

I apologize from now if I'm saying something stupid, but I'm not too much into this concept, I'm trying to understand.

[Goddess Josephine]

You need to come to terms with the fact that it takes more strength to relinquish control then not. IMO a real man is one that will do anything for the woman he adores and doesn't get caught up in what other people think.

Maybe this is not the place to discuss about this, but I liked take the argument as a starting point to ask you a question. You're saying that someone needs more strength to not have control and give it instead on someone else. But how does this connects with the concept of a real man that adores his woman and doesn't have shame in showing it?

I mean, I've been engaged with a couple of women and, besides they where absolutly not dominant, this did never stopped me from adoring them.

I apologize from now if I'm saying something stupid, but I'm not too much into this concept, I'm trying to understand.

what I'm saying is that I don't view submission as a sign of weakness. I don't view a groveling, emasculated male or sissy as weak. Let's face it, a lot of men struggle with their sexual fantasies because they think that by giving up power they are worthless or less of a man. I think that it takes a strong person to commitment to the scary journey of understanding themselves even if it's not considered the norm.

Adoration is such a wonderful attribute in a man. It goes a long way.

[shell]

Nicole, Alliteration said it best. If you don't have trust, if you are questioning whether you should do this, then.....this is not right for you.

You need to find something local to attend...to find someone that you can get to know, establish a relationship with and then enjoy all they bring to the table.

I did a Google search on "Pennsylvania BDSM"

I found this. This might be a good place to start.
http://www.domsubfriends.com/cgi-local/ ... ords&ww=on

Try doing a search yourself.....see what all comes up. *Smile*
Good luck.

[Shaddar86]

what I'm saying is that I don't view submission as a sign of weakness. I don't view a groveling, emasculated male or sissy as weak. Let's face it, a lot of men struggle with their sexual fantasies because they think that by giving up power they are worthless or less of a man. I think that it takes a strong person to commitment to the scary journey of understanding themselves even if it's not considered the norm.

Adoration is such a wonderful attribute in a man. It goes a long way.

I understand, at least I understand your point of view. Anyway I did not mean to say that subs in general are less of a man, just to be clear.

Anyway, thanks for the answer Josephine :)

[Goddess Josephine]

what I'm saying is that I don't view submission as a sign of weakness. I don't view a groveling, emasculated male or sissy as weak. Let's face it, a lot of men struggle with their sexual fantasies because they think that by giving up power they are worthless or less of a man. I think that it takes a strong person to commitment to the scary journey of understanding themselves even if it's not considered the norm.

Adoration is such a wonderful attribute in a man. It goes a long way.

I understand, at least I understand your point of view. Anyway I did not mean to say that subs in general are less of a man, just to be clear.

Anyway, thanks for the answer Josephine :)

yes, I know! I think asking questions is a very good thing.