Thanks for the feedback!! I'll definitely keep your points in mind while writing the next part.

Also, your quote made me notice one thing - The response WASN'T something the protagonist had pre-empted. Have made the correction.

Question: Would you want to see the story continued?

Guys, this is my first attempt at writing, so please be critical. All the feedback is highly appreciated as I develop this series.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I had been dating Nikki for a few months ...

The story is really getting interesting, but the grammar makes it really difficult to read :(

Fellow players in this game! I need your help. Her Worship has imposed a new rule on me for this week. To avail each of my two cum points for the week, I need to find a new way to please Her. The conditions she has imposed are:
1. Gifts don't count - not as the main part of my submission anyway ...

Apologies for posting this report late Miss Jay, I have been travelling in areas with sparse Internet access. I used my 4 points for Week 2 on Saturday (2) and Sunday (2), while serving Her Worship and on Her orders.

Her Worship and I are both travelling this week and in different directions, so I have been slightly better able to keep myself under control. I have also settled my debt for last week, by spending the required 4 nights in CB. My total for the week is still zero though ... Her Worship has ordered ...

Miss Jay, as I already reported, I had used up my 3 points for the week. I have also gone a night in my CB, will do the same tonight and already owe one more night. Additionally, Her Worship thought I was rude to You for not thanking You automatically and in consequence, my back is completely raw. I ...

I like her being so sneaky, dishing out punishments when she is making you cum!
If any other boy came more than he was supposed to I probably wouldn't want him to join in again for at least a week. I just don't see the point in signing up to game and then not following the rules but then it ...

I have instructions from Her Worship to inquire: Have You set any penalty for exceeding the set number, Miss Jay?

Here is my status for the week. On each of the last three nights, including tonight, Her Worship has put me through the most intense T&D I have experienced yet. Then She went down on me ...

I have been granted permission to play. However, Her Worship has imposed some special conditions on me:
I am to swallow my cum every time. She does not like me making a mess, even though I clean up.
I am to spank my balls 25 times each time I cum.
Her Worship must receive 5 orgasms for each ...

I have been granted permission to play. However, Her Worship has imposed some special conditions on me:
I am to swallow my cum every time. She does not like me making a mess, even though I clean up.
I am to spank my balls 25 times each time I cum.
Her Worship must receive 5 orgasms for each one ...

I don't know if this bothers anyone else as much as it bothers me, but I get so turned off when teases are written in poor grammar. It just makes it impossible to follow and I have half a mind to rewrite some of the teases that appear quite interesting, if only it weren't for the trainwreck grammar ...

They were incredibly exciting to read through, but would any of the ladies actually care to take them on? (I'm not asking in the hopes of an opportunity to perv, but rather because I thought they were QUITE unbelievable.)

Also, should any of the ladies try this out, there's a greater than likely ...

@tommyberlin86 ... ooh, this looks fantastic!! I'm developing my CSS skills and I'd love to help out. Would you have space for me onboard?

Great story!