Alone Again...
Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2014 1:19 pm
Alone Again...
I had a feeling that it was coming, but hoped that I was wrong. Friday reality came home to roost, and on Saturday morning I typed one of the hardest messages I've ever written.
For the last month or so, I had a feeling that the relationship I was in was no longer working, Mistress had become too busy. Her already infrequent messages had gotten fewer. She no longer answered my questions, and her fortune cookie like replies had gotten even shorter. It came to a head on Friday, when a question went unanswered. In one of the most pathetic examples of addiction ever, I must have checked my email every 10 minutes, looking for a message that never came.
I laid awake most of the night trying to decide what to do, and how to write a farewell and thank you letter to someone that had embraced me when I was at my lowest point ever. Through weeks of encouragement and motivation She slowly helped to make me almost whole again. I realized that it would be selfish of me to continue to ask for something that She no longer had the time to give.
Saturday morning I sat at the computer for over an hour. Tears streamed from my eyes as I wrote to Her, about how it had become clear to me that She was now too busy, and that what little free time She had would be better spent on Herself, or someone more deserving of Her time. I sobbed openly as I hit the send button.
Going out for lunch and to the grocery store after that was misery. It was all I could do to keep from breaking down. I made it through, and suffered all night and most of the next day. Sunday in the early evening I received a message from her. It said “Thank you”.
I shuddered with emotion as tears streamed down my face. Four months of orgasm control, erection denial. Four months of drinking 8 oz of water every hour and having to wait for 3 hours and 7 minutes between bathroom uses. Four months of twice a day reports in which I bared my soul, sharing my thoughts, fantasies, and fears ends with the simple phrase “Thank you”.
This is the second time I've been through this in 6 months. I swore after the first time, that I would not allow myself to become attached. I was wrong. She touched me deep inside. She established routine and rituals in my life. In exchange for this I gave a small piece of my heart and soul to Her. There is now a hole in my heart big enough to drive a truck through, and an empty spot where someone has carved their name in my soul, taking the shavings with them when they left.
I'm sure in time I'll feel better, but right now I'm not sure I want to. At times like this I wish they made orange juice flavored margarita mix because “Tequila... It's not just for breakfast anymore.”
Madden
I had a feeling that it was coming, but hoped that I was wrong. Friday reality came home to roost, and on Saturday morning I typed one of the hardest messages I've ever written.
For the last month or so, I had a feeling that the relationship I was in was no longer working, Mistress had become too busy. Her already infrequent messages had gotten fewer. She no longer answered my questions, and her fortune cookie like replies had gotten even shorter. It came to a head on Friday, when a question went unanswered. In one of the most pathetic examples of addiction ever, I must have checked my email every 10 minutes, looking for a message that never came.
I laid awake most of the night trying to decide what to do, and how to write a farewell and thank you letter to someone that had embraced me when I was at my lowest point ever. Through weeks of encouragement and motivation She slowly helped to make me almost whole again. I realized that it would be selfish of me to continue to ask for something that She no longer had the time to give.
Saturday morning I sat at the computer for over an hour. Tears streamed from my eyes as I wrote to Her, about how it had become clear to me that She was now too busy, and that what little free time She had would be better spent on Herself, or someone more deserving of Her time. I sobbed openly as I hit the send button.
Going out for lunch and to the grocery store after that was misery. It was all I could do to keep from breaking down. I made it through, and suffered all night and most of the next day. Sunday in the early evening I received a message from her. It said “Thank you”.
I shuddered with emotion as tears streamed down my face. Four months of orgasm control, erection denial. Four months of drinking 8 oz of water every hour and having to wait for 3 hours and 7 minutes between bathroom uses. Four months of twice a day reports in which I bared my soul, sharing my thoughts, fantasies, and fears ends with the simple phrase “Thank you”.
This is the second time I've been through this in 6 months. I swore after the first time, that I would not allow myself to become attached. I was wrong. She touched me deep inside. She established routine and rituals in my life. In exchange for this I gave a small piece of my heart and soul to Her. There is now a hole in my heart big enough to drive a truck through, and an empty spot where someone has carved their name in my soul, taking the shavings with them when they left.
I'm sure in time I'll feel better, but right now I'm not sure I want to. At times like this I wish they made orange juice flavored margarita mix because “Tequila... It's not just for breakfast anymore.”
Madden
