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Andy I normally do that. I've been so busy and to be honest started the post then forgot about it.

It was basically about a slave that I've been seeing for a few years. We met during phone sex calls. He would sign up for one of my ongoing programs for a month then I wouldn't hear from him for a few months. It was like this for a few years. We started meeting in person. The more we got to know one another the more he confided in me. He said that he can forget about it for the most part until he starts really thinking about it. Then he says it consumes him to the point that it interrupts his day to day. This is why he would step away and try to ignore it. But when he did engage with me he always felt so guilty afterwards.

Through this past year we worked on finding balance and its working out great. He feels less guilty and able to control his urges better. Before he was out of control and now he enjoys being submissive without all the emotional drama.

My post went into more detail bu that is the gist of it.

Natalie, you are the true definition of divine feminine. And the feminine is like the Earth. She knows when to drop the rain and blow the wind. Because these things are necessary to grow life. But the wind and the rain don’t go on forever. Nature knows when to give it a rest.
And because you are the divine feminine, so do you.

CruelNatalie,

CruelNatalie wrote:It was basically about a slave that I've been seeing for a few years. We met during phone sex calls. He would sign up for one of my ongoing programs for a month then I wouldn't hear from him for a few months. It was like this for a few years. We started meeting in person. The more we got to know one another the more he confided in me. He said that he can forget about it for the most part until he starts really thinking about it. Then he says it consumes him to the point that it interrupts his day to day. This is why he would step away and try to ignore it. But when he did engage with me he always felt so guilty afterwards.
Through this past year we worked on finding balance and its working out great. He feels less guilty and able to control his urges better. Before he was out of control and now he enjoys being submissive without all the emotional drama.

What you said about this slave sounds typical, except for one thing I will go into later.

That "submit deeply, then pull back suddenly" thing is more typically about fear than about guilt, I think. Even in a vanilla romance, there can be fear that things will not work out. But I think this is worse with a sub meeting a new dom/me. The reason is that a sub is much more unwilling to displease a dom/me, than one vanilla person is to disagree with another vanilla person. Also, some dom/mes are into harsh play (pain, serious humiliation, etc.) Even if the sub is 100% confident that the dom/me will respect limits and safewords, there can be that worry: "What if this dom/me really wants something that is very unpleasant for me? Do I go ahead and do it? Do I not do it, and displease the dom/me?"

So, the not-typical thing about the guy you described, was that he pulled back from guilt, not fear. Was it religious guilt, based upon sex? Or was his guilt based upon his macho pride not being compatible with power exchange? For me, the macho pride runs in the opposite direction, along the lines of "to please my Mistress, I can endure anything". Of course, "What I can do", "what I can do, without too much interruption of my day-to-day life", and "what I can do and still be happy" are all three separate things.

I think that managing the pace of emotional submission, is an important skill for both subs and dom/mes.

jackstock wrote:Natalie, you are the true definition of divine feminine. And the feminine is like the Earth. She knows when to drop the rain and blow the wind. Because these things are necessary to grow life. But the wind and the rain don’t go on forever. Nature knows when to give it a rest.
And because you are the divine feminine, so do you.

That is so beautiful. Thank you so very much. I totally agree.

andy wood wrote:CruelNatalie,

CruelNatalie wrote:It was basically about a slave that I've been seeing for a few years. We met during phone sex calls. He would sign up for one of my ongoing programs for a month then I wouldn't hear from him for a few months. It was like this for a few years. We started meeting in person. The more we got to know one another the more he confided in me. He said that he can forget about it for the most part until he starts really thinking about it. Then he says it consumes him to the point that it interrupts his day to day. This is why he would step away and try to ignore it. But when he did engage with me he always felt so guilty afterwards.
Through this past year we worked on finding balance and its working out great. He feels less guilty and able to control his urges better. Before he was out of control and now he enjoys being submissive without all the emotional drama.

What you said about this slave sounds typical, except for one thing I will go into later.

That "submit deeply, then pull back suddenly" thing is more typically about fear than about guilt, I think. Even in a vanilla romance, there can be fear that things will not work out. But I think this is worse with a sub meeting a new dom/me. The reason is that a sub is much more unwilling to displease a dom/me, than one vanilla person is to disagree with another vanilla person. Also, some dom/mes are into harsh play (pain, serious humiliation, etc.) Even if the sub is 100% confident that the dom/me will respect limits and safewords, there can be that worry: "What if this dom/me really wants something that is very unpleasant for me? Do I go ahead and do it? Do I not do it, and displease the dom/me?"

So, the not-typical thing about the guy you described, was that he pulled back from guilt, not fear. Was it religious guilt, based upon sex? Or was his guilt based upon his macho pride not being compatible with power exchange? For me, the macho pride runs in the opposite direction, along the lines of "to please my Mistress, I can endure anything". Of course, "What I can do", "what I can do, without too much interruption of my day-to-day life", and "what I can do and still be happy" are all three separate things.

I think that managing the pace of emotional submission, is an important skill for both subs and dom/mes.

His guilt is based on cultural and religious morals he grew up with. I can safely say that a large part of the population- consciously or not have some kind of taboo around sex. The kinkier the sex the more guilt. Everyone has that "thing" that throws them out of control & into subjugation. A lot of guys get addicted to that rush but once the rush is extinguished they freak out over the addiction. I think its important to learn moderation in anything that brings you great pleasure.

We are all still our child selves. The child part of us stays forever. But most people still have the child controlling their life in fear, guilt, shame.
It sounds like he has to confront that younger part of him and accept/comfort it.
The child part of us is needed for fun, but comfort and control needs to be given to the "adult" when bad feelings come up.

Ask him to open up and help him comfort himself.
Also, What does your young self provide you as a domme?
And do you think there is anything your young self feels that is taking the wheel from you at times?