I guess we will just have to improvise and use whatever we can find here at your place.
Why don't go grab a shoelace or some rope, some lube or lotion. If you don't have lube or lotion, I guess we can use some spit, but ouch, that might be a little painfull during certain parts of this phsical examination.
Well, go on ........... hurry up and get the tools we need so we can ........