Here is a problem!
You are so soft...We need you like a rock.
Let's get some toys for you:
Aftershave....we need you to smell nice!
1 Metre of cling film
A ping pong ball or similar.
Black tape.
Lube.
A glass.
And most important...two clothes pegs which you will get first and immediately put one peg on each nipple and leave these on while you find the other items.
Hurry back.
I know you will!