We’ve been using a lot of toys recently, so I want you to spend some time personally obliterating those nuts. You shouldn’t need any tools to destroy yourself.
I suggest you lie down. Grab the base of the scrotum tightly with your weak hand.
Do the following, as quickly as you can
50 slaps at [1]
40 slaps at [2]
30 slaps at [3]
10 slaps at [4]
Are you crying yet?