Bake yourself a savory snack!
Ok. Now here is the tricky part. You can stroke your dick while you read. Answer the following question then proceed to the appropriate answer:
Is there a woman in your life?
Yes I'm married, have a girlfriend, or a female roomate, or female friends.
Ok, here is what you have to do, when your woman won't notice you have to do something to sabotage the toilet. Make sure it won't flush. Also hid a couple gallon freezer bags in the bathroom somewhere she won't find them. You might also want to break or hide the plunger. Hopefully, she will take a big shit in there and then ask you to fix the toilet. (unless she knows you are too pathetic to be useful in which case she will fix it herself or call someone and you are out of luck, if this happens you have to follow the "No, I'm too..." answer) when she does get in there and lock the door, then scoop out her shit and put it all into the plastic bag with your bear hands. Fix the toilet, unless there wasn't any shit in which case you have to tell her to ask you to flush it every time she uses it so you can be sure to get some, or if you want to do this tease again. Then take the plastic bag full of shit and put it in the freezer.
No, I'm too much of a pathetic pig to have any women in my life exept relatives.
Oh you are really pathetic aren't you! Ok, so you are unlucky and lucky at the same time! You can finish the rest of this tease next time you have to shit, but it might not be quite as yummy as if you had a woman in your life. You have to hold your shit for as long as you can and then take a dump into one of the gallon freezer bags and then continue the instructions
[ If you are too much of a pathetic little bitch to figure out how to prevent the toilet from flushing you can just open up the tank and disconnect the chain which is on the arm that comes out of the flush handle ]
Pg 4.