This is the longest turd I have ever produced!
I was so proud I lifted it out of the toilet and put on display on the tank. Now I can use it as inspiration every time I go for a shit.
This very special turd requires very special worship-strokes.
First get in position, nose poised as close as possible to the shit without touching it.
Now grab your cock in one hand and your balls in the other. When you stroke upwards I want you to squeeze your balls hard and when you stroke downwards I want you to release your balls from the grip. Just stroke like that- up and down, squeeze and release.
Give my record-breaking turd 200 strokes just like that.
Once you are done we can have a look in the sink!