Hey where have you been?
You were gone so long I got bored and decided to entertain myself *winks*
(sniff sniff) Hey whats that smell? Ewwwwwww!!! Is that you? Did you actually use your hands? *laughs* You IDIOT! The flush worked all along, didn't you think to try it first? Thats disgusting I can't believe you actually did that!
Look at yourself, you even still have a hard-on! Did that turn you on? It did didn't it? You dirty boy! What the hell is wrong with you?
Let me show you something...