You're probably wondering how you're going to stroke like this. Well, you're going to need some lube, that's for sure. If you can't find any, I guess you'll have to use spit! Get your cock lubricated now.
*Laughs*. Look at that glistening cock, just waiting for a stroke, isn't it? HAH!
Don't touch it. Instead, grab that wooden spoon and prepare to attend to your balls. Slap them on my count, and you better not hold back.