Milovana.com

This was my first attempt at writing a tease so any feedback would be greatly appreciated, thank you.

spoilers in the spoiler.

Spoiler: show

FIrst edge is too soon. Basically 25 slow strokes and then you are asked to edge, which for me basically means stroke at least 1-2 minutes, if i'm in a good mood, and more if I'm not, while staring at 1 single picture. And that's boring. For the future, try to have the player stroking at lease 3-4 minutes before asking to edge.

Also, as far as the tease goes, some interaction is appreciated. Some kind of intro with some sweet-talk that gets you going and make you want do things for her.

As for the sounds I would recommend using something less high-pitched. For me this tinkling sound is just a bit too distractive, and I did have to turn the sound down on my PC, which is not good. I actually think that sounds are better be quiet than loud. not that anyone will ahve a hearing problem, because it's the only thing you ehar anyway.

There is a task where you have stroking RIGHT after edging, and fast stroking at that. Not a good descision, because it will fail a lot of players due to natural reasons. Most men can't hold the edge while stroking fast. I count that as a flaw. (edge before the last one)

Ruined orgasm thing made a bit bad. How shall I put it? If I was playing it, I would either enjoyed my orgasm or did put my hands off before slipping OVER. I can ruin it if I want, but the instruction wasn't clear. Either way would be disappointment when I read the whole thing. I would say you should change the last page to "Ruin it" or something.

oh yea! Make a thumbnail for it! It's done in the media section of a tease editor. You select 1 image and press the button "set as thumbnail". Nothing ruins the sucess rate of a good tease as the lack of thumbnail.

Other than that seems like a really good work.

Great selection of pictures. I was writing this WHILE the tease plays at the background, but I didn't notice a transaction between picture sets. It's always better to somehow EXPLAIN how you ended up in a different enviroment and her being in a different clothes.

The text is well thought and good written. Nothing fancy, but good.

Well done, and hope your next one will be even better. I will give it a 5, even though there are flaws, because it is really among the good ones.

by the way, what's the name of the model?

Thank you very much for the detailed feedback Nezhul, it's greatly appreciated.
To answer your question, the model is Sandy. The following is a link to her profile page on her own site.
http://clubsandy.com/model/Sandy/1/

I loved the images used for the first set, i love this kind of wear. for me, i agree with the first edge being too soon. Additionally, although i'm glad the metronome isn't the same as many of the other flash teases use, I personally didn't like the sound of it - This is a really minor issue, but something that bugged me a little..

Overall i think it was a fantastic tease, and a great first attempt... please keep up the good work!