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Long post, sorry. Read it, or don't, whatever, no skin off my back either way. Just a "journal entry" about some thoughts I'm having. Hope it's not a waste of bandwidth since, these days, bandwidth and storage space are not really at a premium the way they were in the late 90s with the early internet, so I don't really feel like I'm over-burdening the technical capacities of Milovana by posting this. If I am, Mr. Moderator, please let me know and I'll move, edit, reduce, delete, or eat this post. :)

Anyway ... here we go ...

I'm finding that I'm just not very impressed with the females that I'm meeting in real life. This is starting, in some ways, to be a problem in my human relationships. But in other ways it's setting me free. I wonder, do other people have these emotions? Am I out of the norm? Is the brilliance of the CH movement ruining my real-life sexual experiences?

I guess the first symptom is, that I just see a LOT of fat people out there in my daily life. The women in the CH videos (or, heck, on any porn shoot) aren't as fat as the people in my city in North America. Second, I see a lot of unkempt people, who just don't know that their clothes don't fit, their monobrow really needs waxing, etc..

Now please, don't get me wrong. I personally am not god's gift to any type of visual idealness, nor do I claim to be. I just want my sexual partners to be someone whom I desire as a sexual partner. I find it very difficult to desire to have sex with someone whom I do not desire to have sex with. It almost seems like a stupid thing to say -- if I don't want to have sex with her, then, it's unlikely that I'm going to want to have sex with her, right? But somehow this contrary attitude seems to have worked its way into North American culture, that I'm "supposed" to want to have sex with her if we're in a mutually caring committed long-term supportive relationship. I just don't get that concept. My horniness has to do with what she looks smells tastes and feels like, not whether or not I've been to her grandmother's for Thanksgiving.

So, first off, all I'm saying is, I want to want to be there. I do get excited about sex, the first several times, with a new girlfriend, sure. And I do still get excited about sex with her if we haven't seen each other for a while, or if there's been some other kind of "good reason" to get started, anything from a nice long dinner in which we feel bonded and the candle-light makes her seem especially alluring, right down to nothing more than seeing that several guys at a party tried to pick her up because they didn't know she was devoted to me at the time and yet they thought she was smokin' hot. I guess that counts as, "committed relationship" somehow "causing" me to want sex with her, maybe that's what chicks are talking about.

And I'm not saying I need a perfectly appearing girl, someone who is so stunning that she makes the cover of every magazine (though I wouldn't complain, probably!). I haven't EVER really banged a girl as hot as one of the really excellent Joy Mii porn girls, I'm sorry to say, but some of the even-less-than-excellent ones are hot enough to turn me on. But the real world girls with whom I have an option? They would be rejected by Joy Mii, I'm pretty sure. They would probably not be rejected by Ralph's Engine Repair, Fill Dirt, And Old Slut Ass Banging Videos, but I'm not so sure. Anyway, the "perfect" girls of Joy Mii would probably be considered by me as "good enough" and I haven't EVER had a "good enough" girlfriend. Nevertheless, I've had some girlfriends that other men have tried to pick up at a party.

So I'm wondering ... are any women really hot enough for me? What is it about Joy Mii (or any other site, pick your favorite). Is it just the fact that the girls are primped and primed and looking their best for the camera? Is it that the girls are going out of their way to "serve me" (in my fantasies) because the camera keeps them focused on the act of pleasing me for the entire duration of a forty-five minute experience (despite the fact that there's another guy in the room with them, I kind of feel like the girl is on display and on display for me for the duration). Maybe her being "set up" to do the porn, is all I'm looking for? Whenever I had a girlfriend and tried to do a filming of a porn with her, or even just tried to primp her up so that she looked good for the night, she really tended to resent it. It was like, "What, my normalcy isn't good enough for you? You won't fuck me if I belch on you while we're kissing? Well LAH DEE DAH to you." She resented the implication that she "had to" go out of her way to serve me. I wanted her to pay attention to my needs; she wanted me to squirt semen merely because she walked in the room.

Do the other guys here find that porn girls are "too good for real life"? And the converse, that real-life girls aren't good enough for porn? And what do you do about it? I don't want to be so stupid as to claim that the porn girls are as attainable as real-life girls. I know they aren't. Porn girls have a lot of disadvantages that don't show up in the porn vids. They aren't fucking me, they probably wouldn't, they have drug problems or addiction problems or just aren't making much money because they had no career prospects and that's why they do porn, they likely don't have the level of education or articulateness that I would prefer in a partner, and meanwhile they're fucking a whole LOT of other guys, so I am fairly sure that I wouldn't want to date any of them. I know, the porn girls are fantasies. They look their best, and act their most sexually desirable, FOR THE PURPOSE of the porn. That's why we like the porn. Nevertheless, there's at least SOMETHING real about them. I don't have the same morose desperate craving for a 3d-hentai girl, that I do for an actually existing factual human who does porn. That fact tells me, that the "real" characteristic of the actually existing factual human female porn star (a "real" characteristic which any 3d-hentai creation lacks) is at least one thing that I pine for. I know I don't want to date a real porn star, probably. But I do want to date someone who is HOT ENOUGH for porn.

Hot enough for me, at least. Maybe not porn. I don't know, sometimes I think my standards are higher than porn's, sometimes I think the women in porn are woefully unattainably up to very very high standards much higher than my own. Either way, in my real life I just don't seem to be able to locate the women who are hot enough. Do they not exist? Or is it just that I can't find them? In which case, what can I do differently. Why can't I find them? What's the trick?

I have friends who are old enough to be married with kids now. I look at the wife they go home to, and I think to myself, well, golly, I wouldn't have a hard-on. She'd be pretty pissed off. I would just lie there limp, be unable to fuck her, and the next day she'd go off to gossip at her hen-meeting with her former college roommates and they'd snicker about the fact that "he couldn't perform." It's not that I can't perform for a lady like that. It's that I don't WANT to have to perform. I want to fuck someone who is HOT ENOUGH, duh. Why would it be my fault if she didn't go to the gym? So, thank goodness, I never got married.

I wonder, will I ever get over this idea? Is it biological? Is it intrinsic to my make-up? When I was 34 or so years old, I should have been fucking the 28 year old girlies who were super hot in my life, but noooo, I made the mistake of thinking I "should" engage in long-term committed relationships with people whom I respected, people that "should" get invited into my life on the basis of something "deep" like love and compatibility, and "should not" be attractive to me merely because of something as "shallow" as physical appeal.

Boy was I a politically correct little prick. Man, I deserve all the unhappiness I get now, for that attitude I had then! I did what girls approve of, when the girls are talking to the milquetoasts whom they'll never fuck. (While the women are generally busy saying that men should not want a woman only for her body, they only ever fuck the men who want them for their bodies. That's part of the trick. It's a double-reversal that leaves them in charge. But that's a different topic.)

I had some pretty faces in my life. Evidently approval of the female body is much worse, in a man's mind, than approval of the female face. If you're talking to a fat ugly politically correct old hag who is telling you whom you are allowed to fuck and whom you are allowed to desire and how sexist and low and non-deep and shallow you are for finding a certain woman attractive or not, she'll really berate you negatively if you talk about a girl being hot because she's thin, lithe, young in body. But if you like the girl's face, and probably even because it's thin lithe and young in face, the politically correct cunt probably won't berate you half as much. She'll sympathize, and maybe excuse your shallowness with the idea that you've "fallen" for the girl because of her "feminine charm." Interesting, isn't it, how the PC cunt can get over her disapproval of facial beauty faster than she can get over her disapproval of bodily beauty. Weird that ...

Another weird thing. The politically correct cunt will probably tell you that you "only" want a pretty or hot or sexy woman, if you say you "do" want a pretty or hot or sexy woman. You say, "Well, she's not attractive enough for me, too bad because she's kinda cool. She needs to lose six hundred pounds but otherwise I think she's fun to hang with." The PC cunt responds, "If the only thing you want is physical appeal, you should get a hooker." Notice, that you didn't say that was the ONLY thing you wanted. But somehow, saying that you want it AT ALL, makes the PC cunt think that you want that and that you want nothing else. She doesn't do that with, say, math skills, or red hair. "Next time I start dating, I really want to date a red head" doesn't engender the response, "If you only care whether she has red hair or not, just get her hair dye." Rather, it engenders the response, "Well, if you find the right kind of girl and she's not a redhead, you could consider hair dye." See, with hair color, the PC cunt is willing to consider OTHER characteristics aside from hair color. With physical beauty, especially with skinniness or slimness as a factor in physical beauty, the PC cunt to the contrary tends to assume that the beauty is the sole desired factor. It's like a male's expressed desire for beauty blinds the PC cunt to everything else. Weird that ...

Not that I agree with the PC cunt, no no. I think men should fuck, and try to fuck, the women they like fucking. Fucking fat girls sucks, the girls are fat. I didn't ever approve of the PC cunt's ridiculous opinions. I just adhered to them for a while. Why? Well, I guess, it's just, that for a while in my life, I guess I lost some good time by thinking that those people had my best interests in mind. If only, I kept telling myself, if only I really really concentrated on ignoring my girlfriends' appearance, then I too would finally find happiness in that thing which everyone SAYS is the "right" way to find happiness, the mutually committed long-term relationship. But I never was able to get to the long-term relationship because I didn't want to fuck my girlfriends. Because they weren't sexy to me. Because I didn't pick them on the basis of their appearance. Because I was told that you "should" pick them for something other than that.

Also, recently, I've swapped my medications some. It's mostly a good change, so I'm going to stick with the Prozac. :) Great! but it also has reduced my sex drive somewhat. I used to be "desperate" for sex, now I just don't give a damn. I also find it hard to finish, and it kind of burns differently than it used to. I don't mind, the changes aren't entirely to the detriment of my life. But instead of being sad about not getting sex from hot chicks and therefore thinking of myself as a "loser who HAS TO use porn and/or strip clubs in order to get with hot-enough-looking girls," now I think of myself as someone who needs to go to the dry-cleaner to drop off his suit. Really, the "I can't get laid" frustration just doesn't bubble up any more. So, in the past, before I had Prozac, I would date date date like hell in desperation for getting enough sex, never get enough, and always complain about the fact that the reason I wasn't enjoying my girlfriends was that my girlfriends weren't intrinsically enjoyable enough. Now, after Prozac, I don't bother to date date date since, well, the potential girlfriends simply aren't enjoyable enough. It's a simpler existence, but it doesn't solve the problem of lack of hotness. Before, they lacked hotness and I tried to fuck them and I got frustrated that they weren't hot. Now, they lack hotness and I just don't bother to try to fuck them. They still lack hotness, though. :P

So, anyway, I don't know where all this came from. I just got started on this little journal entry about my life and I'm a fast typist so I thought I'd share. Does anyone else want to fuck the Joy Mii girls? Well, duh, yes. But, does anyone else NOT want to fuck their girlfriends? Is that BECAUSE of the Joy Mii girls? I don't think so. I think it's simply, because the girlfriends aren't good enough. If I met chicks who bothered to go to the fucking gym as often as I do, I think I'd probably approve of the chicks I meet more often. Where the hell are the hot girls in North America? I went to Holland last year, they were all over the place, these hot girls. 'Course, they didn't fuck me, they're all six feet tall and think Americans are Dumb Yanks with Imperialism stamped on their foreheads. But at least they could ride a bike without bending the damn frame from their weight. And in Holland, also, they didn't have huge-ass facial oozing infected pustulous pimples. :P

Hmm. Just some food for thought.

Interesting post. I have just a little thought on girls in porn vs. real life.

I think men should fuck, and try to fuck, the women they like fucking.

Absolutely right but if you expect to fuck girls that look like those in Joy mii... its just imposible. As you said girls in those videos are prepared by stylists, often there is glow and other retouching video effects and camera hides things you dont want to see. This type of videos are focused on appealing and pleasant look. It looks nearly perfect and this is what is this type of porn all about. Worship ideal of woman body. Its just fantasy. Real world is not perfect. Even girls that perform in those videos are not. So if you create your ideal of beauty based on those videos its no surprise that you will be disapointed. It is like to want to experience love from romantic movie. Its imposible. It is not real and It is never like this. We all naturally want sex with hot girls but compare real girls with real girls. I dont think I help or said something that you dont know already.

book_guy wrote:I'm finding that I'm just not very impressed with the females that I'm meeting in real life. This is starting, in some ways, to be a problem in my human relationships. But in other ways it's setting me free. I wonder, do other people have these emotions? Am I out of the norm? Is the brilliance of the CH movement ruining my real-life sexual experiences?

I do share your thoughts in at least one way: I have more or less started to pity and even look down on those who lead vanilla sex lives. Even thought I fully support freedom of choice, including the choice to be boring, I can't help but feel a great many people are cheating themselves for a lot of fun

But no, I don't really have problems with the girls I meet in that way. I tend to be very open and direct in my communication related to sex and porn, and fortunately that hasn't scared anyone off yet.... maybe because I talk about my preferences early, before they get a chance to be surprised by it in a bad way at a later time.

Perhaps you should focus on finding someone whose company you enjoy rather than someone whose body you lust after.

bad advice. The partner should satisfy you both mentally and physically for the relationship to really work out. Or else there will be cheating and constant depression. It's all good sweet-talking about the soul and bersonality which is more than looks, but that alone can't keep you together for YEARS.
I'v actually heard a lot that americans are fat (most of them) and that their women are often not very beautiful... That's a kind of social view of USA in Russia. I can't say if it's true. If there's really REALLY no cute girls around you - find someone somwhere else - even from another country. For example I know a few people (women) who are born in Russia but got married in USA. Same for other countries.

I'm somewhere in the middle of those last two views.... Personality is more important than looks and physics, but like nez says, there has to be both, at least to a certain minimum.

Call me shallow or whatever, but although I definitely could not share my life with a gorgeous, super hot, super bitchy, stupid as a brick girl, I equally couldn't share my life with my soulmate with the perfect mind if she was ugly enough to challenge my desire to look at her at all. Looks DO matter, anyone saying otherwise IS a liar to some degree.

Mind you, I didn't say Personality doesn't matter. It's just the view "Personality is MORE important" that I don't like. The balance between the two may shift here and there to a certain extent (Like maybe you will forgive some twists to a super hot girl, or you'll enjoy a rather plain girl if she's really makes you comfortable mentally). But BOTH are equally important.

I read only first few paragraphs of it, but i can't help but think: In my 26 years of life i have found maybe six or seven girls to whose (whom??) mind i have been attracted to, so if physical appearance is you demotivator, i say you should be happy, because, it's much easier to lose some weight or get a haircut, than it is to become smart...

If appearance bothers you to the point of complaining, then you should get your expectations in line with reality (guess that's what you ask for here...). Either cut on tv and fashion (and porn), or get yourself acquainted with people who work in this business.

Also i think it's perfectly normal to lose some of the fire after a while. That's why you have to work on your relationship and keep it going.

Nezhul wrote:Mind you, I didn't say Personality doesn't matter. It's just the view "Personality is MORE important" that I don't like. The balance between the two may shift here and there to a certain extent (Like maybe you will forgive some twists to a super hot girl, or you'll enjoy a rather plain girl if she's really makes you comfortable mentally). But BOTH are equally important.

True enough - and more people should admit that, rather than playing up the impression of 99% vs 1% importance.

The responses are nice. But I think some of you are missing the point. If you encourage me to try to spend more effort on selecting a woman whose mind, character, or intelligence is something I value, then, (a) I agree with you, that's a great thing to try to do, but (b) you probably misunderstood me, because I don't need to be encouraged to do that. It's not something I avoid, or resist. It's simply something that THE SYSTEM PREVENTS ME FROM DOING. In effect, because I need a certain level of lust for her body, I'm simply NOT ALLOWED to also select on the basis of other criteria. There aren't enough candidates who fulfill either criterion at all!

So, to re-explain my position, I WANT to do that but I CAN'T. I'd really LOVE to be ABLE to select among those women with whom I have a connection, and to select those whose minds and characters are appealing to me. I just don't GET that option. Wouldn't it be great, to hang out with a lot of people, realize there's a way to build a relationship with some of them, then decide that some of them aren't appealing to me, on the basis of (among other things) the fact that their mind, character, attitudes, level of intelligence, etc., aren't what I need or want? Wouldn't that be great? But nooooo, I never get the chance to make those decisions. I have to say, all day every day, "Hey, there's a woman who seems to provide an opportunity for interaction. Too bad, she's hideous. Hey, there's another one. Too bad, she's hideous." And IF ONLY I could find ONE or a few who weren't so unappealing that I literally COULD NOT fuck them, because boner just FAILS ... if there WERE AVAILABLE women who were desirable. But, hey, I'm a guy, and you know, guys will fuck just about anything if it's available, and if I'm saying, "Yuck, I really don't want to have to fuck that girl who is acting available" then, frankly, you just KNOW she's not very appealing to fuck. Cuz I'd damn-well fuck just about anything, and yet I'm saying no to it? That means she's actually in that slim segment of characteristics that manage to make her not-fuck-worthy! It's a very narrow range of characteristics, but EVERYONE I MEET has it. Wow, they worked HARD at being obese, didn't they? :O

So, that's point number one. I'm not RESISTING or AVOIDING the idea of judging on the basis of character. I'm FORCED OUT OF judging on the basis of character, by virtue of the fact that physical appeal is so lacking that I'm not free to judge on the basis of anything else. It's like walking through a poisonous grove of fruits. Every single one of them is poison to the human species. Some are red, some are green, all are poison. I find one red fruit that is NOT poison, once in a while, so I MUST eat it. That doesn't mean that, ideally, I would not care whether the fruit were red or green. I DO prefer the red over the green, but if I find ANY non-poisonous one, I eat it whether or not it's red or green. That's because I'm STARVING. If I could DO WITHOUT, then, when I found a non-poisonous green one, I'd resist eating it, and wait until I found a non-poisonous red one. But I can't wait. I need it now. :P

The other point I'd raise, is, that I know the videos on (for example) Joy Mii are "faked," in that there are video effects, air-brushing, and extra make-up and camera angles all making the girls hot enough. I didn't really mean that I wanted my sex to look like that kind of sex. What I meant was, that the REAL women who DO act for Joy Mii, who DO get paid for porn, are certainly hotter than the REAL women that I meet in REAL life. Even WITHOUT the effects, the air-brushing, the crazy camera angles that hide the pimples on their butts, I find that the general set of porn women are highly likely to be more attractive than the set of non-porn women. Skinny small women, who go to the gym, move like ballerinas, and don't have giant bellies or noses? They aren't in my life.

So, I'm learning, that I'm surrounded by butt-ugly people. Maybe I need to move to California just to be among the elite? :P

Anyway, I wanted to make sure we weren't miscommunicating. A few of the responses seem to wish to urge me to do, that exactly which I am already claiming that I would wish to do. I say, "Hey, I can't find the right color fruit! I have to eat whatever non-poisonous one I encounter! That disappoints me," so the response shouldn't be, "Hey hey, you need to stop worrying about the color and care about whether or not it's non-poisonous or poisonous only." I KNOW that fact. That's what I'd LIKE to be free to do. But I can't get into a context where I AM free to do that. Try not to instruct me to do exactly the thing which I'm complaining about trying to do but not being free to do! :)

I'm not going to lie, there was a lot of tl;dr going on there so I mostly skimmed. However, as to the question purposed in the title, I think to much porn does has psychological and physiological effects on the brain and could be creating a hurdle in your love life. Check out http://www.yourbrainonporn.com for more info.

As I said, find girls elsewhere. Change your surroundings, like, go to the gym where you'll find gym girls. Or swimming pool. Or use the internet dating services.

Nez is right. You simply need to expand your search area. There are probably hundreds, if not thousands, of lonely women within a few miles of you if you live in an urban or suburban area in the U.S. You simply cannot be completely surrounded by butt-ugly women.

Of course you are like most men. We need to be visually attracted to a person to get the ball rolling. Your friends should let you know if you have your standards raised up to high. Are you shunning “Plain Jane” even if she has the body type you prefer? It seems there is a bit of a stigma attached to the online dating scene still but you can meet a lot of women that way. I'm sure you probably know at least one couple who met online. It's worth a shot if you haven't tried it yet.

Porn can be negative for some people. Most of us know a person who cannot drink alcohol socially because they can’t help but get wasted and act like an idiot every single time they go out because they cannot control themselves. Most of us know of someone who would blow their whole paycheck at a casino even though they were supposed to pay the house payment. The same can be true for certain people with porn. It can adversely affect some people and cause them problems.

If you look at a “normal girl” and automatically compare her to one of these unrealistically attractive model types then you need to shut off the computer and T.V for a month and see if things change. I bet with a few weeks of not getting any sexual gratification whatsoever that Miss Plain Jane will start looking a whole lot better to you. Good luck! The woman of your dreams may be just around the next turn.

Free yourself right away. Don't ever box yourself in like that in your real life. Fantasies are part of a healthy sexual life but reality is feeling the warmth of an actual person. The negative thoughts alone could be the root of your issue.

Confucius say:
It is easy to hate and it is difficult to love. This is how the whole scheme of things works. All good things are difficult to achieve; and bad things are very easy to get.

I think the other reppliers pretty much said some of what crossed my own mind.

I just wanted to add. Bookguy, the heck man, you really write well! You have a gift! I really enjoyed reading the whole piece. Far out!

As a huge consumer of joymii/xart stuff, I still find tons of women, everyday, that I find hot. But they are usually young though.

Unfortunately women have an aversion to going to the gym and building some muscle. This is fine and dandy uptil 24-25, but after that they start to degrade very fast.

How old are you book_guy?

Just like everyone else I agree with both sides of the argument. I have always been very shy around girls, I freeze up around them. But I have dated both someone that is pretty close to model quality and someone that is....less so. Mainly because I had convinced myself that I was just a horrible shallow bastard. But the problem with both was really about the same. While one was incredibly attractive she did not do anything I am into (im an adrenaline junkie) so I was not attracted to her personality and interests. The other was the same basic thing she didnt do what I did and on top of that she was out of shape. So I personally think that you do need both.

Now let me clarify, while I may not be body builder quality. I am above average body wise (I can not be the judge of how my face looks) I workout probably 4-5 days a week, rock climb 3-6 hours a week, parkour, gymnastics all that stuff. So while I did go through a period where I felt I was being shallow for wanting a "hot chick" I now i guess justify it with that, I put a lot of work into getting where I am now, torn muscles, tendons all that stuff. So dont I "deserve" a girl that does the same? Shouldn't I date a girl who puts just as much effort into her body as I do mine?

TL;DR- Think you need both same interests/personality and roughly same level of attractiveness

But what do I know I am still a kid with a lot of growing up to do still haha. Sorry if I got off topic, long post and my mind dosnt hold one path very well.