Milovana.com

Hi everyone!
First, I need to warn you - this is not a sexual topic (at least not something that might turn somebody on). I just need some advice. So if you seek something sexual, I'm sorry - it isn't here.
I'm not sure how to express my feelings properly, so excuse me if anything here is not perfectly clear. I must say that Milovana forum is like no other on the Internet. I found so many friendly and helpful people here that I don't think I could do THIS confession anywhere else. I really trust you guys and consider you as my friends, even though I haven't ever spoke with most of you.
So I'm 21 (almost 22) and single. For a long time I thought that it's my bad appearance and tough personality that prevented me from finding any girlfriend for the last few years. So I changed my look, got a bit more fit, tried to be a friendly and open person, but as the time went by nothing changed - I was still single, unable to find any girl that I would fancy. Even when I did I was usually too nervous to talk to them freely. Now I think it's all because I was very upset about several things in my my last relationship, and since I realized that, my attempts with girls are slowly (very slowly) going towards good - at least from my point of view.
I think that's enough, I don't want to bore you with those funny teenage problems - it was just a background for my actual question, which is of course connected to OD. So as you probably know most people in my age have someone, and those who are not denied by religious reasons usually explore the world of sex with their partners. Well, I broke with my last girlfriend when I was 16 or 17, and believe or not - we didn't get to have sex at that age. To sum up - being 21 I'm still a "virgin".
I really fancy the feeling of being denied, this sweet horniness when I wake up and how my body reacts to growing sexual tension. I like it how every little stimulus is amplified thousandfolds - like seeing a sexy girl in a short skirt on the street during a hot summer day. I love it so much that I really prefer to be denied rather than ever cum. Being denied makes pleasure grow endlessly, while cumming makes it all fade away in 20 seconds. So why do I ever cum, you'll probably ask?
Well, actually as long as constant tingling and tenderness down there is a wonderful feeling, I literally HATE it when I meet any other people. Especially people I know, like my friends, my family. I feel like an effin pervert who masturbates all night long and plays fetish games while not being able to find a girlfriend for 6 long years. And that feeling is what actually prevents me from staying denied for any longer than a day or two. This is one of the reasons why I play T&D only in holiday time - because then I don't have to meet people everyday. I have a feeling that I'm kinda deviant (even though I know that I'm not) and that I should find a girlfriend to make love with instead of doing "such things" in my room. So I usually cum so that I don't feel like that the next day at the university. Not because I want or need to.
That was the confession part, and now comes the question part: have you ever felt like that? I don't mean exactly like that, but maybe the other day similar thoughts crossed someone's mind. Do you sometimes feel strange while being denied and meet other people? Maybe there's something connected to this that you can share here?
One little request: please don't hate. It wasn't easy to post this here.
I will be truly thankful for e-v-e-r-y reply. I'm actually thankful to anyone who made it through that big chunk of text. Or maybe someone has had some similar thoughts in their live and finds this topic useful for them. And even if no one replies, I'm truly thankful that such place exists where I could express my feelings.
Have a good day!
s.m.

S.M. wrote:To sum up - being 21 I'm still a "virgin".

I'm 29 and still single. Mostly "virgin," although I did have a few flings at fraternity parties when I was 26. Being the oldest guy in a building filled with drunk girls does have its advantages . Sadly, I don't remember those times well... I was more drunk than they were.

S.M. wrote:I feel like an effin pervert who masturbates all night long and plays fetish games while not being able to find a girlfriend for 6 long years. And that feeling is what actually prevents me from staying denied for any longer than a day or two. This is one of the reasons why I play T&D only in holiday time - because then I don't have to meet people everyday.

You came to the right place. We're all fucking perverts here Actually, I usually do the exact opposite with T&D, I notice after T&D for a solid two weeks or even a few months that girls start to think I'm "genuinely" much more interested in them, and I also become extremely much more flirty. Only drawback to T&D for a solid month or two is that you'll get complaints from people for hitting on their 8 year old daughter and her dog...

S.M. wrote:I have a feeling that I'm kinda deviant (even though I know that I'm not) and that I should find a girlfriend to make love with instead of doing "such things" in my room.

You'll probably feel deviant until you realize that there is no such thing as normal. Read any book written by Nancy Friday and you'll know exactly what I mean...

I'm not really into denial myself, but here's what I think.
1) Try some meeting websites if you have problems with talking to a girl. Starting your relationship in a chat or via emails is much more easy. Don't know how about europe, but here in Russia half an hour of surfing can find you VERY beautiful women.
That's up to you though
2) feeling horny towards your friends or family is absolutely natural. I can't say that I ever found attraction to my mother though, but my aunt I find very attractive. It's natural. When you see a good looking women your instincts do the trick not your mind. Your mind is there to control your behaviour. I don't see a reason of being ashamed or depressed.
3) What you do in your room while you don't have a girlfriend is your own business. Someone may call you a pervert, but heck - someone may call you a pervert for wearing yelloy shirt. Jr even the very fact that you are trying to get a girls phone in public places. I think that you should do what you like to do as long as it doesnt actively involve other people. You should never be ashamed of what you like or dislike. It's your own business while it stays private and doesnt involve anyone.

I disagree to the post above. There is such thing as normal and it's broadly just the most common attribute in the control group. BUT there's no such things as "good" and "bad" on the whole. Those terms are just the words to express weather a certain individual likes and dislikes some things. If you'd take me, there's just a lot of stuff in my head that people tend to disagree with. Even on that forum i have a reputation. BUT it doesn't make me bad or wrong.
One thing that everyone has to understand at some point is that there arent right or wrong people. There are just colliding points of view that lead to disagreement. But as a living being you just cant force someone else's views on yourself. THAT'S not natural. What IS natural is following your path as good as you can and making YOUR life better. With logic. You can't go about offending people just because you think so, because the crowd will lynch you, and you obviously don't want it. But if there's something like OD that you like and what other people don't know about - why feeling ashamed? You can't be ashamed before yourself when you do the thing that's PLEASURABLE. And as long as noone else is there to judge you - it's totally fine and you should just enjoy it. And when you look at your sister's boobs next time and feel a hard on because you haven't had release for a months - that's great. As long as you keep it to yourself and not involve her.

Well, I don't know what people could hate about your post. But well, yeah, haters gonna hate, whatever it is.

I also don't know what exactly I want to say and my post may become a bit ununderstandable. Just wanted to warn you beforehand. =) And one more warning> I tend to write very long sentences.

I understand pretty well how you feel because I lost my so called virginity when I was 21 and without any girlfriends before, even with 16, so sometimes I have the feeling that all the years that most people consider the best and most fun simply never happened to me. The possible reason is that when I was 15 (11 years ago) my family moved to another country with completely different language. And I had and still have difficulties speaking with girls who are born here because I hate my accent and can't imagine that other people could ignore it, especially in our relationship-case. And since I discovered the internets when I was pretty young and also had that perverted thoughts I also thought what you do, until I kinda grew up and started to accept myself the way I am, which doesn't mean that I must always stay the same, that would be stupid and deadly, because progress is life. And since no one lives forever and we've got only one life, unlike Mario, I think that my it's best for me to do whatever I want, as far it doesn't bother anyone else and/or doesn't bring me more trouble than profit. So I wouldn't kill my previous boss because he was an asshole, not because that's against the law, but because there are people who will miss him. And so I left this relationships-topic be until I met a girl that I was comfortabe with, who spoke the language I was best at and had similiar tastes and hobbies. And then I lost my virginity, and so will you.

The End. Almost.

Now to the other posts, I agree with Nezhul mostly, although for me dating-sites are a no go. May be just me, but I can't simply speak to girls who think of me as if I was a piece of meat, I also can't simply talk to someone who I think is hot and I like how she looks because most of them think that all I want is sex. So pickuping was never something I was good at because I want to respect her and want her to respect me. And yes, I only had sex with two girls, both of them were my girlfriends and we used to be good friends before we got together, so I could trust them more or less, and even trusted them with some of my kinks, although one of them was deadly for the first relationship. And both of them I met online, although not on dating sites, but mostly accidentally because I have a couple of websites with forums where people talk to each other and meet each other, but not because they want to find a date. I hope you people understand my point. Because I probably wouldn't.

Wish you luck, man!
Cheers.

Well, about dating sites that's what I can say:
Surely, there are people that want only sex. But not all of them. In my country there are not much places where you could actually meet a girl. There are clubs, but frankly all of them boil down to lots of alcohol, smokes and loud dancefloor "music". That's fine for some, but not for better brought up people, and non of my friends or pals ever go there. The parks are derty and not too interesting, there are no public libriarys worth mentioning. Drinking beer in the street is not good too. So where do you meet a girl? Only in univercity, and slim chances on work. So quite a lot of good people (men and women) have an account on some dating site with an aim to find a husbend/wife, not just sex.

Bandit224 wrote:You came to the right place. We're all fucking perverts here Actually, I usually do the exact opposite with T&D, I notice after T&D for a solid two weeks or even a few months that girls start to think I'm "genuinely" much more interested in them, and I also become extremely much more flirty. Only drawback to T&D for a solid month or two is that you'll get complaints from people for hitting on their 8 year old daughter and her dog...

I found out the same thing - when I managed to do T&D for 4 days (which was the longest in my life..) I found out that speaking to girls I felt attracted to was much easier. I felt more open and not stressed at all (even though I usually am). Who knows, maybe if I ever manage to do it for two weeks or a month I'll succeed

Nezhul wrote:1) Try some meeting websites if you have problems with talking to a girl. Starting your relationship in a chat or via emails is much more easy. Don't know how about europe, but here in Russia half an hour of surfing can find you VERY beautiful women.

Russian girls are indeed beautiful. All Slovian girls are beautiful - I know because as you can read from my profile I'm from Slovian country too :) Unfortunately where I live dating sites are used mostly by people in their 40's which is out of my interest.
Thank you for the advice, but I think I need to deal with it in the real life :) (it's the high time)

Nezhul wrote:2) feeling horny towards your friends or family is absolutely natural. I can't say that I ever found attraction to my mother though, but my aunt I find very attractive. It's natural. When you see a good looking women your instincts do the trick not your mind. Your mind is there to control your behaviour. I don't see a reason of being ashamed or depressed.

No no, you got me wrong ;) I don't feel horny towards them. I feel horny because when you're in denial you're horny most of the time, and that feeling reminds you that you were doing something "strange" at night.

3) What you do in your room while you don't have a girlfriend is your own business. Someone may call you a pervert, but heck - someone may call you a pervert for wearing yelloy shirt. Jr even the very fact that you are trying to get a girls phone in public places. I think that you should do what you like to do as long as it doesnt actively involve other people. You should never be ashamed of what you like or dislike. It's your own business while it stays private and doesnt involve anyone.

I disagree to the post above. There is such thing as normal and it's broadly just the most common attribute in the control group. BUT there's no such things as "good" and "bad" on the whole. Those terms are just the words to express weather a certain individual likes and dislikes some things. If you'd take me, there's just a lot of stuff in my head that people tend to disagree with. Even on that forum i have a reputation. BUT it doesn't make me bad or wrong.

One thing that everyone has to understand at some point is that there arent right or wrong people. There are just colliding points of view that lead to disagreement. But as a living being you just cant force someone else's views on yourself. THAT'S not natural. What IS natural is following your path as good as you can and making YOUR life better. With logic. You can't go about offending people just because you think so, because the crowd will lynch you, and you obviously don't want it. But if there's something like OD that you like and what other people don't know about - why feeling ashamed? You can't be ashamed before yourself when you do the thing that's PLEASURABLE. And as long as noone else is there to judge you - it's totally fine and you should just enjoy it.

Thank you for those words, they mean a lot!

jlx666 wrote:Well, I don't know what people could hate about your post. But well, yeah, haters gonna hate, whatever it is.

I also don't know what exactly I want to say and my post may become a bit ununderstandable. Just wanted to warn you beforehand. =) And one more warning> I tend to write very long sentences.

I understand pretty well how you feel because I lost my so called virginity when I was 21 and without any girlfriends before, even with 16, so sometimes I have the feeling that all the years that most people consider the best and most fun simply never happened to me. The possible reason is that when I was 15 (11 years ago) my family moved to another country with completely different language. And I had and still have difficulties speaking with girls who are born here because I hate my accent and can't imagine that other people could ignore it, especially in our relationship-case. And since I discovered the internets when I was pretty young and also had that perverted thoughts I also thought what you do, until I kinda grew up and started to accept myself the way I am, which doesn't mean that I must always stay the same, that would be stupid and deadly, because progress is life. And since no one lives forever and we've got only one life, unlike Mario, I think that my it's best for me to do whatever I want, as far it doesn't bother anyone else and/or doesn't bring me more trouble than profit. So I wouldn't kill my previous boss because he was an asshole, not because that's against the law, but because there are people who will miss him. And so I left this relationships-topic be until I met a girl that I was comfortabe with, who spoke the language I was best at and had similiar tastes and hobbies. And then I lost my virginity, and so will you.

You must have had tough time after moving to another country being 15. Thank you for sharing this amazing story!! So the conclusion is to never lose the hope 8)

Now to the other posts, I agree with Nezhul mostly, although for me dating-sites are a no go. May be just me, but I can't simply speak to girls who think of me as if I was a piece of meat, I also can't simply talk to someone who I think is hot and I like how she looks because most of them think that all I want is sex. So pickuping was never something I was good at because I want to respect her and want her to respect me. And yes, I only had sex with two girls, both of them were my girlfriends and we used to be good friends before we got together, so I could trust them more or less, and even trusted them with some of my kinks, although one of them was deadly for the first relationship. And both of them I met online, although not on dating sites, but mostly accidentally because I have a couple of websites with forums where people talk to each other and meet each other, but not because they want to find a date. I hope you people understand my point. Because I probably wouldn't.

No problems with understanding, you put it very clearly. So I have similar feelings - some people I know have told me "man, go to the club, there are dozens of easy drunken girls who will give you a blowjob in the toilet" but this is just not my thing. For me sex does connect with the trust, love and emotion.

Wish you luck, man!
Cheers.

Thank you so much for your post, it is great to read so many words of understanding from you and others :)
It might sound stupid, but it needs some internal courage (or maturity) to do things that do not meet social standards (such as T&D) without feeling bad about it (of course as long as you don't harm anybody). This is what I learned from today's lesson. Now it's time to turn these words into action :)
s.m.

S.M.
Your English is very good. If you hadn't said anything I would not have realized it is not your first language. I know that some of the people on here have been against meeting women on dating sites, but I recently have been in contact with a woman I met on CollarMe.com and Fetlife.com might lead to some results too. The thing I like about both of these sites is 1) they are free and 2) these sites are devoted to helping people with "different" kinks find each other. The woman I've been talking to is interested in orgasm denial/control just like I am.
Just a thought. Whatever you decide on, best of luck.

I agree with Bandit224, there is no such thing as normal neither things as wrong or weird. Everybody have their own definition of these things and what may seem normal for one may seem weird for others.

There are some rules made by society what is supposed to define what "normal" is, in what age you should loose virginity, how you are supposed to do sex, etc. but they are nothing more than just stereotypes. And you will probably feel like you are weird till you will understand this.

And besides, you can not know what "weird" fetishes your friends have what they don't tell you about hehe.

The last post made me think this (forgive me if it's too mych phylosofy):
Every person is kinky. Just not everyone have the guts to fulfill their kinks, so you should consider yourself lucky.
I actually can't imagine a person who desires to have ONLY the most vanilla sex with the variety of 5 common poses =)
So don't be ashamed before your friends. You, indeed, do not know what they are doing in the privacy of THEIR own rooms while you tease the hell out of yourself =)

A wrote:And besides, you can not know what "weird" fetishes your friends have what they don't tell you about hehe.

This thoughts is what actually keeps me from giving up on denial. Being a guy I don't think very often about what other guys do in their private time. (I definetely prefer girls ) But we're all human, watch porn and wank to it, and even if 95% prefer "straight" stuff, there's still 5% left that are into something different. Everyone has their dirty secrets, no matter how perfect they look from the outside.

Nezhul, what a great summary, I especially liked "tease the hell out of yourself" part ;)

This topic gave me very much to think about. I think I'm slowly returning to enjoy O.D. (started today ;) ) I hope that all these great words that were said in this discussion will someday help someone too :)