Milovana.com

Hi!

Maybe this isnt the right forum to write this post, and if so im sorry, but i am just
curious if anyone else are in the same situation as me.

My wife is boring when it comes to sex.
We have sex about every second month, and thats to little for me. Im going crazy.

And when we have sex she only wants the missionary position or from behind on
some occasion. But NEVER any oralsex. Damn, i love oralsex, both to give and
to receive. Im so frustrated. Because in my opinion a blowjob is one of the
most intimate ways to show love, and it feels so damn good to :)
And i want to give her so much more pleasure but i am not allowed.

I want more from our sexlife.... and simply being here on this website and
seeing all these nice webteases is pure torture...but a nice torture :)

So anyone else, or am i alone?

Simple solution: Talk to her! About your frustration and needs.

It's simple, but I know it's NOT easy. It should be easy, but it never is, because you care about her and her feelings. But you love each other and she cares about your feelings too! And if you remain silent and never talk about it, how will she ever know that you're unhappy?

Yes, i love her. That i can say.

And we have talked many times. It seems that she think that the way she have sex is enough for her.
And she knows i want more. She knows that i love giving oralsex and recieving head.

Maybe its my fault, sometimes i wish that i didnt love oralsex. Just to get rid of that frustrating
feeling. And sometimes i think that 10 minutes of here time for a blowjob wouldnt be to much when she
knows that she lifts me above the skies if she does that.

But sometimes, even though i love her much, i get these bad thoughts, about how it would
be to have a wife that love all these things i am longing so for. And i hate myself for that.

Gosh, my mind is a blur of things and I don't want to write some long, long post. So will try to keep it short, but say as much as I can.

First, you didn't say how long you had been married. When a couple is in the dating stages, the engagement stages, sex is one thing that should be discussed. You should have found out then that her sexual interests and yours are different. But you didn't. It's obvious you love her. So what now?

You have a couple of choices.
The first is to walk away from her and the life the two of you have and the dreams you have talked about. Personally I wouldn't advice this...for me, love and marriage is a life time commitment.

Second, you need to spend more time talking, but not just talking about your needs and her determination to keep things the way they are.
You need to explore why you feel that oral sex "is one of the most intimate ways to show love." I know that you said it was "your opinion". Others may feel differently, such as having him deep inside of me and him raising up enough for the both of us to see there is no gap between bodies and his saying, "the two have been made one.". Or touching each other's hands, for an hour, without words being spoken, exploring....hands making love.
So, you need to explore why you feel that way, or is it that you have adopted that way of thinking because "it feels so damn good to." And trust me when I say that BJ's are one of my favorite, possibly my favorite sexual act, so I am not knocking them, at all.

You also need to explore why she feels the way she does. There are 1000's of reasons she might be only desirous of the missionary position. There may be sexual abuse in her childhood and sex itself it the hardest thing that she does, which makes it her most intimate way to show her love for you. If there was abuse, to see your face, during love making, perhaps could be the only way she can have sex at all.
There could be deeply embedded religious teaching that tells her anything beyond the missionary style is wrong or not looked fondly upon, by God.

She could also have so many wrong and misconceptions about both oral sex on herself and BJ's on you.
She might think that she has to swallow the cum, and that disgusts her, but doesn't know how to say that. She needs to know that she doesn't have to do that and you have to be prepared to pull away, no matter how good it feels, before you cum, so that none goes in her mouth.
She might have "choking" issues. She might have "cleanliness" issues for both you and herself.

You didn't mention if she has tried it on you....if she has.....there might be something so deeply personal that she doesn't know how to put it to words. Here's a for instance.....if you are a smoker, your cum will taste.....different. Certain vitamins and medications and things ingested can make your cum and precum taste unpleasant.

As for her not wanting oral sex...it could be deeply personal things for her. Afraid that she might not be clean enough, fear of farting, fear of hemorrhoids showing.....the list could go on and on.....and could be things not you or even I would ever think of.

I first suggest that you stop thinking of your wife as boring. But instead look at her as a puzzle that if you figure out, even if it takes the rest of your life....the reward of what will be shared with you, being allowed in to that secret place of her deep thoughts could quite possibly be that most intimate way of showing and feeling love for someone. And perhaps, getting to the root of things, might just produce results that make you sexual happy as well.

You need to face the fact that she may never want either and you need to come to terms with that and accept it...only then are you going to find total happiness in your relationship with her.

Just call me Dear Abby or Dr. Ruth. *giggling*

Good luck. *Smile*

Thanks for you long answer...damn...very well written. :) Many things to think about.

Well we have been together for 15 years and married for 5 years. We have two kids 6 and 4 years old. Sorry i didnt say that before. I do many household things in our home, just for info. Needed to clarify that, because that is the usual thing women think that men that dont get sex dont do. Sorry for my bad english. And i try to be romantic, lighting candles, hot baths, massage, flowers. Cooking nice dinners for her.

When it comes to blowjobs...
Let me say like this, she have never been very keen on giving blowjobs. But before we married she at least would "lick" the head of my cock, the frenelum. That was enough for me. I enjoyed it very much.
I never came in her mouth because she didnt want to, and i have never ever forced her to that.

But after marriage... *poof* sudenly all oral are gone. Before marriage i could at least give her head sometimes too.

I dont smoke. And eat a lot of fruits, because i have heared that it gives the cum and precum better taste.
Well maybe you think i sound crazy. But i have even tasted my own cum because i wanted to know what it is like for a girl. And it didnt taste bad like most girls say. Maybe im sick :) sorry...

how long after having children did this change?

Has their been a spiritual/religous factor, like she started listening to a TV preacher
or going to a new synogog, or reading the works of a guru?


How Busy is she with work, kids, job?

Now for husband tests to see how well you are doing paying attention to her.
Name five of her best friends without asking her

what is her favorite hobby?

Favorite color clothing?Favorite food?


In other words
learn about her

Also missionary position sex CAn be very exciting if you HAVE to do it
and maybe are not allowed to cum at all.. not even once..

How about a vibrating couples ring around the base of your cock while giving HER pleasure.


I honestly wonder if it isnt also possibly a weight problem, or enegergy problem

Hun I am just so tired from work and kids
I just want yo to lie on top of me


(you don't have to answer this here) but how many orgasms does she have a week or month?

also have you gone to a gynecologist appointment with her to know if there is something Medical going on?
Like my hips hurt hun, or my blood pressure drops when I orgasm...
Some people have a hard time explaining to their spouse what is going on medically because they don't want their partner to worry.

Wow...well many nice tips here, thanks for them...

Before our first kid we had sex every week. at least once a week. She wanted to have sex
more often when we decided to have kids. And of natural reasons she didnt want to have sex
a time after the pregnancy. Then when it was time for the second kid we had sex often, more than
once a week. When she was born, then all sex seemed to cease. Suddenly it felt like sex wasnt that
important anymore. For me it feels like i was used. Well i love my kids very much and it was a common decision to make kids.

She works from 06.00 to 15.00 every day. I work from 08.00 to 17.00 every day. I leave the kids at kindergarten and school and she picks them up. She makes dinner, i clean the kitchen up afterwards. At the weekend i do the vaccum cleaning, clean the toilets, take care of the washing of clothes. Our kids go to bed early, so we have the whole evening for our selves.

One thing i have been thinking of in all these advices, all is up to me? I need to take care of the problem. I thought that in a relationship we are two people that should solve problems mutual. Why is it always the one that wants more sex that have to solve the problem. If we turn things around, if she loves me, she should care about my needs to, right?

saltgodis wrote: One thing i have been thinking of in all these advices, all is up to me? I need to take care of the problem. I thought that in a relationship we are two people that should solve problems mutual. Why is it always the one that wants more sex that have to solve the problem. If we turn things around, if she loves me, she should care about my needs to, right?

Technically, it are YOUR needs that are not being met, so by the natural order of things, you have more incentive to fix things.


This is actually a known problem --- aparently the sex drive of many many women vanishes when they settle down into a comfortable relationship. I'm not blaming them, but this IS a problem. A (woman) psychologist(?) has a book on this I think, she got input from many men, and deep down many of the men have this pain you mention, the feeling of "being used". They love their wives, but have this pain nonetheless. Anyone know the book I'm talking about?

saltgodis wrote:One thing i have been thinking of in all these advices, all is up to me? I need to take care of the problem. I thought that in a relationship we are two people that should solve problems mutual. Why is it always the one that wants more sex that have to solve the problem. If we turn things around, if she loves me, she should care about my needs to, right?

Yes, she should care about your needs, and you certainly shouldn't feel guilty about feeling sexually unfulfilled - especially if only getting sex once every two months! You talk about this with her, frequently, but have you really expressed exactly how unhappy you are about the situation and the magnitude of which this a problem? How things are may be enough for her sex drive personally, but it's clearly not enough for you as a couple. You sound like a very caring partner, and if she loves you the way you seem to love her, it seems strange that she's unwilling to have some form of sex more frequently to help you with your needs even if she doesn't feel the urge as often as you.

saltgodis wrote:Thanks for you long answer...damn...very well written. :) Many things to think about.

Well we have been together for 15 years and married for 5 years. We have two kids 6 and 4 years old. Sorry i didnt say that before. I do many household things in our home, just for info. Needed to clarify that, because that is the usual thing women think that men that dont get sex dont do. Sorry for my bad english. And i try to be romantic, lighting candles, hot baths, massage, flowers. Cooking nice dinners for her.

When it comes to blowjobs...
Let me say like this, she have never been very keen on giving blowjobs. But before we married she at least would "lick" the head of my cock, the frenelum. That was enough for me. I enjoyed it very much.
I never came in her mouth because she didnt want to, and i have never ever forced her to that.

But after marriage... *poof* sudenly all oral are gone. Before marriage i could at least give her head sometimes too.

I dont smoke. And eat a lot of fruits, because i have heared that it gives the cum and precum better taste.
Well maybe you think i sound crazy. But i have even tasted my own cum because i wanted to know what it is like for a girl. And it didnt taste bad like most girls say. Maybe im sick :) sorry...

I don't allow my "pets" to cum unless they properly dispose of their cum. I don't think its sick, at all. Its kinds of sexy if you ask me. (grin) I also am not a fan of blow jobs. Its too much of a submissive act for me. I enjoy fucking and getting oral but being bent over and shoving a dick in my mouth isn't my favorite. Its why I have sissies and cucks! lol

But seriously, men and women think differently about sex. You can't "try" to be romantic in one day. It needs to be work in progress to help her ignite her sexual desire. Sometimes the more you push the more you push her away. Sex becomes more of a job then pleasure for her. When this happens its even harder to bring thing back around again. IMO the first step is backing off and not making it a big deal. Focus on the things you do love about her. Completely place sex on the back burner. Help her around the house, with the kids, give her massage without expecting sex. etc etc, you get the drift. Do not under any circumstances initiate sex. Allow this to go for 3-4 months or as long as needed. Encourage her to work out. Not by making her feel fat but allowing her to be active. Let her get dressed up and take her out more dinner, dancing etc but NO SEXUAL pressure.

During this time masturbate, listen to audios, look at magazines, whatever you do to get off. As she feel less pressured, more secure, better about herself she will ignite her sexy and probably jump your bones.

Goddess Josephine wrote:

saltgodis wrote:Thanks for you long answer...damn...very well written. :) Many things to think about.

Well we have been together for 15 years and married for 5 years. We have two kids 6 and 4 years old. Sorry i didnt say that before. I do many household things in our home, just for info. Needed to clarify that, because that is the usual thing women think that men that dont get sex dont do. Sorry for my bad english. And i try to be romantic, lighting candles, hot baths, massage, flowers. Cooking nice dinners for her.

When it comes to blowjobs...
Let me say like this, she have never been very keen on giving blowjobs. But before we married she at least would "lick" the head of my cock, the frenelum. That was enough for me. I enjoyed it very much.
I never came in her mouth because she didnt want to, and i have never ever forced her to that.

But after marriage... *poof* sudenly all oral are gone. Before marriage i could at least give her head sometimes too.

I dont smoke. And eat a lot of fruits, because i have heared that it gives the cum and precum better taste.
Well maybe you think i sound crazy. But i have even tasted my own cum because i wanted to know what it is like for a girl. And it didnt taste bad like most girls say. Maybe im sick :) sorry...

I don't allow my "pets" to cum unless they properly dispose of their cum. I don't think its sick, at all. Its kinds of sexy if you ask me. (grin) I also am not a fan of blow jobs. Its too much of a submissive act for me. I enjoy fucking and getting oral but being bent over and shoving a dick in my mouth isn't my favorite. Its why I have sissies and cucks! lol

But seriously, men and women think differently about sex. You can't "try" to be romantic in one day. It needs to be work in progress to help her ignite her sexual desire. Sometimes the more you push the more you push her away. Sex becomes more of a job then pleasure for her. When this happens its even harder to bring thing back around again. IMO the first step is backing off and not making it a big deal. Focus on the things you do love about her. Completely place sex on the back burner. Help her around the house, with the kids, give her massage without expecting sex. etc etc, you get the drift. Do not under any circumstances initiate sex. Allow this to go for 3-4 months or as long as needed. Encourage her to work out. Not by making her feel fat but allowing her to be active. Let her get dressed up and take her out more dinner, dancing etc but NO SEXUAL pressure.

During this time masturbate, listen to audios, look at magazines, whatever you do to get off. As she feel less pressured, more secure, better about herself she will ignite her sexy and probably jump your bones.

OK...maybe i should follow your advice. The first things shouldnt be to hard, taking care of the house, kids, give her massage, and give love, because i do that already, but i could always try harder. But the second thing, the sex thing is going to be really, really, hard. But i will try.

Well maybe i have to look positive on it if i can. Its some kind of cum denial
Unwanted cum denial... the problem is that i so quickly build up sexual tension and a lot of cum.
I wonder if my sexual desire will cool down if i stop masturbating and cumming.

Maybe not, i dont know, this thing with cum denial is quite a new thing to me.

Thanks for all your advices, your so kind, thanks for caring...

saltgodis wrote:

Goddess Josephine wrote:

saltgodis wrote:Thanks for you long answer...damn...very well written. :) Many things to think about.

Well we have been together for 15 years and married for 5 years. We have two kids 6 and 4 years old. Sorry i didnt say that before. I do many household things in our home, just for info. Needed to clarify that, because that is the usual thing women think that men that dont get sex dont do. Sorry for my bad english. And i try to be romantic, lighting candles, hot baths, massage, flowers. Cooking nice dinners for her.

When it comes to blowjobs...
Let me say like this, she have never been very keen on giving blowjobs. But before we married she at least would "lick" the head of my cock, the frenelum. That was enough for me. I enjoyed it very much.
I never came in her mouth because she didnt want to, and i have never ever forced her to that.

But after marriage... *poof* sudenly all oral are gone. Before marriage i could at least give her head sometimes too.

I dont smoke. And eat a lot of fruits, because i have heared that it gives the cum and precum better taste.
Well maybe you think i sound crazy. But i have even tasted my own cum because i wanted to know what it is like for a girl. And it didnt taste bad like most girls say. Maybe im sick :) sorry...

I don't allow my "pets" to cum unless they properly dispose of their cum. I don't think its sick, at all. Its kinds of sexy if you ask me. (grin) I also am not a fan of blow jobs. Its too much of a submissive act for me. I enjoy fucking and getting oral but being bent over and shoving a dick in my mouth isn't my favorite. Its why I have sissies and cucks! lol

But seriously, men and women think differently about sex. You can't "try" to be romantic in one day. It needs to be work in progress to help her ignite her sexual desire. Sometimes the more you push the more you push her away. Sex becomes more of a job then pleasure for her. When this happens its even harder to bring thing back around again. IMO the first step is backing off and not making it a big deal. Focus on the things you do love about her. Completely place sex on the back burner. Help her around the house, with the kids, give her massage without expecting sex. etc etc, you get the drift. Do not under any circumstances initiate sex. Allow this to go for 3-4 months or as long as needed. Encourage her to work out. Not by making her feel fat but allowing her to be active. Let her get dressed up and take her out more dinner, dancing etc but NO SEXUAL pressure.

During this time masturbate, listen to audios, look at magazines, whatever you do to get off. As she feel less pressured, more secure, better about herself she will ignite her sexy and probably jump your bones.

OK...maybe i should follow your advice. The first things shouldnt be to hard, taking care of the house, kids, give her massage, and give love, because i do that already, but i could always try harder. But the second thing, the sex thing is going to be really, really, hard. But i will try.

Well maybe i have to look positive on it if i can. Its some kind of cum denial
Unwanted cum denial... the problem is that i so quickly build up sexual tension and a lot of cum.
I wonder if my sexual desire will cool down if i stop masturbating and cumming.

Maybe not, i dont know, this thing with cum denial is quite a new thing to me.

Thanks for all your advices, your so kind, thanks for caring...

I miss any replies just give me a nudge. I have not figured out how to set forum notifications to my active forums.

How often do you masturbate now? If its daily then you're really missing some wonderful stuff. making her life easier is part of your responsibility as her husband and father to your children. Keeping passion alive is an ongoing process for both of you. Women don't feel sexual unless they feel sexy. They feel sexy when they are relaxed, feel good (healthy) and are treated well. You stimulate her emotionally by making her feel pretty, special and loved.

Could you be addicted to jerking off and cumming because your lacking some place else? Sex and orgasms are a wonderful thing but like anything in your life its all about balance and moderation.

Goddess Josephine wrote:

I miss any replies just give me a nudge. I have not figured out how to set forum notifications to my active forums.

How often do you masturbate now? If its daily then you're really missing some wonderful stuff. making her life easier is part of your responsibility as her husband and father to your children. Keeping passion alive is an ongoing process for both of you. Women don't feel sexual unless they feel sexy. They feel sexy when they are relaxed, feel good (healthy) and are treated well. You stimulate her emotionally by making her feel pretty, special and loved.

Could you be addicted to jerking off and cumming because your lacking some place else? Sex and orgasms are a wonderful thing but like anything in your life its all about balance and moderation.

How often i masturbate depends on my mood. But at least 3 times a week. Sometimes often. Of course its my responsibility to make her life easier, and i try to do my very best. Whats your opinion about whats her responsibility as a wife? I am just curious.

I dont think i am addicted to masturbatation. It just feels so damn good to build up the cum and then release it...its pure pleasure. But that pleasure if of course a million times better if i could share it with my wife, and give her pleasure to.

Goddess Josephine wrote: During this time masturbate, listen to audios, look at magazines, whatever you do to get off. As she feel less pressured, more secure, better about herself she will ignite her sexy and probably jump your bones.

Methinks this wont work as he has been backing off sex for years.

saltgodis wrote:

Goddess Josephine wrote:

I miss any replies just give me a nudge. I have not figured out how to set forum notifications to my active forums.

How often do you masturbate now? If its daily then you're really missing some wonderful stuff. making her life easier is part of your responsibility as her husband and father to your children. Keeping passion alive is an ongoing process for both of you. Women don't feel sexual unless they feel sexy. They feel sexy when they are relaxed, feel good (healthy) and are treated well. You stimulate her emotionally by making her feel pretty, special and loved.

Could you be addicted to jerking off and cumming because your lacking some place else? Sex and orgasms are a wonderful thing but like anything in your life its all about balance and moderation.

How often i masturbate depends on my mood. But at least 3 times a week. Sometimes often. Of course its my responsibility to make her life easier, and i try to do my very best. Whats your opinion about whats her responsibility as a wife? I am just curious.

I dont think i am addicted to masturbatation. It just feels so damn good to build up the cum and then release it...its pure pleasure. But that pleasure if of course a million times better if i could share it with my wife, and give her pleasure to.

A very smart seductress understands that if you study a man, find the top sexual things that make his cock the hardest and then do that better than any one EVER, you will own the man. But our society doesn't nurture this mindset in women and because sex is still consider an act of procreation and being sexual isn't "lady like" women remain torn. Women want to be adored and appreciated. Their emotions often override their sensibility. Much like a hard dick has no conscious.

The only way for a woman to awake to her feminine power is if she is stimulated. If she is weighted down by expectations, responsibilities and doesnt feel pretty she won't feel sexual and adventurous. Men use sex as comfort and to escape stressful realities while women tend to shut down. She is responsible for the well being of the marriage, including sex, however she just doesnt understand. If you tell her this she will most likely shut down because she will feel even more pressured.

Without making her feel worse or insulting her get her to the gym, a class or take some nice long walks a few days a week. She needs to move. Help her adopt a healthy diet (tell her you want to eat more healthy and drop some weight. I am not insinuating that you or she is unhealthy or overweight but I will tell you that proper diet and exercise takes your sex life to a whole other level. You feel great, you look better and therefore you project sexual energy. As she moves and become more healthy you encourage her all the time- "Omg baby you look amazing!" , "I am the luckiest man in the world." Take her out to dinner dressed up- "Honey you should see this guy checking out your ass!" really make her feel like a goddess. The more sexy she feels the more seductive and the two of you will have the most amazing relationship.

Trust me. I don't just do wank off phone sex. I specialize in very artful complex sexual fantasies and a great deal of my work is working with men like you or couples. I have helped countless men ignite their relationships and single men into fetishes find the "right" kind of woman. Most scare women away with their sexual needs and they dont know how to properly introduce their taboo needs. I have helped men find female led relationships, where a woman takes charge and they live happily ever after. You, my friend are very lucky because the foundation is there and you have a wonderful family. Now its time to make it extraordinary and I have no doubt you can do this. When you're ready for some sex tips and how to fucking blow her mind then give me a jingle!