Milovana.com

This is an excerpt from a longer story yet to be written. I'm thinking of expanding it to book length and selling it in some form. Let me know if I should.

ADULTS ONLY ADULTS ONLY ADULTS ONLY

Stevie jumped slightly as the phone vibrated against his leg, in his sock where it was hidden.
A jolt of pure fear and horniness went through him. The phone Amanda had given him, which he had no choice but to answer. He had to do anything Amanda said. The consequences if he didn't were too horrible to imagine.
Looking around at his family at the table, he got up as casually as he could, and went around the corner to the kitchen, as if to get another soda from the fridge.
Out of sight, he pulled the phone from his sock, flipped it open.
The text said, “Go to your bedroom window now.”
What? What the hell was this? Hiding the phone again, he went quickly up the stairs, his pulse rising, wondering what was about to happen. He entered his bedroom, firmly closing and locking the door behind him, then went to the window, drawing aside the curtains and looking out.
It was dim in the little pathway between their house and Miss Pearson's next door. He looked everywhere, wondering what the hell he was supposed to see, seeing nothing, then finally looked directly across, at Mrs. Pearson's window. It was open, with the curtains parted, the first time in his life he had seen it that way. And she was looking out, right at him, warmly lit by the lights in her bedroom.
She was right at the window, wearing a white tanktop, which strained as it contained her awesome tits, the tits which had ruled Stevie's imagination since puberty, along with every other boy on the block. She was smiling at him.
Ohgod...he realized then what was going to happen. The shock of it made him lightheaded. Amanda...and Miss Pearson...she was part of this too...
His pants got desperately tight.
First she arched her back, thrusting her melons out the window, then she began to swing them back and forth, making them jiggle in the tight flannel. The movement caused the right shoulder of the tanktop to slip off her shoulder. Then she stopped, and her hands came up, lightly playing with her nipples through the fabric, teasing them.
Stevie glanced hurriedly down, around the pathway, but no one would have been able to see. He was so hard, he could barely stand. But somehow he knew that groping himself for relief, even quickly, would be a bad idea. He looked back at her.
She was laughing silently now, enjoying what she was doing to him. She had such a gorgeous smile. She always had. Now she began to squeeze herself through the shirt. Lightly at first, then more firmly, her ridiculous breasts overflowing her hands as she worked them...
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. “Stevie! You coming back down?” His sister, at the door. Fuck.
“Yeah, in a minute.”
“Mom said now.”
“In a minute!”
“Be sure to wipe it off!”
“Beat it, troll!” He heard giggling as her footsteps receded. His eyes went back out the window. Oh god. Her fingers were reaching under the tanktop, getting ready to pull it up.
She sensually licked her lips as she did so, dragging the fabric up and over her knockers, revealing huge, cone-like nipples, as wide as a coffee cup. Her tits hung and protruded majestically in the still air.
“Ohh...” he moaned, panicked with arousal. She rocked them gloriously back and forth some more, then pushed them together, trailing her fingers up and down her creamy cleavage, tilting her head to the side and locking eyes with him, visibly giggling some more as she did so.
Then, she put her hands under them and lifted them up...up...slowly toward her face, opening her mouth...her nipples were almost at her lips, out came her tongue, it fluttered in the air above her nipple flesh...her beautiful lips parted wide...oh god...she was gonna...
A pair of hands appeared from beside her—a girl's hands, he was just quick enough to notice—and snapped shut the curtains, ending the show.
Shit!
For almost a minute, he stood there, his erection throbbing in his pants, trying to calm down. That must have been Amanda with her. Who else could it have been? What was going to happen next? There was nothing he could do. Couldn't pull it out and get off, couldn't do anything...
Sighing desperately, he arranged his pants and shirt to hide the boner as best he could. If he stayed up here any longer, his mom would come looking. He opened his door and started back downstairs--
And halfway down the stairs, the phone vibrated again.
Looking frantically around, seeing no one, he pulled it out and read the text.
“She shivers when I suck them, Stevie.”
He gasped, his boner surging in his pants again.
A second text appeared. “You're going to see the rest of the show tomorrow, Stevie. And not through the window. Enjoy your dinner. Goodnight.”

Please post feedback here or send it to [email protected].

Great job! That was really hot I hope you decide to post some more of the story . Also, if you wanted a proof reader I'm your man

First of all, "Night Nurses" was incredible (I remember it from way back) and it's great to see you writing more :)

I think this particular story has a lot of potential, although you've only given us a short excerpt. The setup has lots of dramatic potential: he's got the phone which means he can get instructions at any time - tension. Then there's his sister who, from this excerpt, looks like she's the sort to pry and mock and tease her brother if she realises what's going on - more tension. And then there's Miss Pearson, the fantasy goddess who adds to his temptation and provides a sort of untouchable goal that could really help to drive the story forward - erotic tension. Great stories are made of this stuff!

I just have one small criticism: when the curtains are closed, and he notices that the hands doing the closing are "girl's hands" - that rang hollow to me. First of all it's hard, in my opinion, to reliably distinguish male from female hands at a distance, especially if he's only got a second to look. And more importantly, it's really not necessary; it's obvious that the hands are Amanda's, and as I see it you don't want that sort of unnecessary information breaking the flow of the narrative. Just a small point, but it took me out of the story a bit so I thought it worth mentioning :)

Anyway, in short: yes. I definitely think this is worth continuing, and if you want to expand it into a novel, by all means go for it. From what I know it can be hard to achieve appreciable success selling these things, but I think it's worth a shot, and I wish you all the best.

Have fun and happy writing!