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subbies not reporting regularly
Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2011 5:37 am
by SexualChoc
Okay I need some help
I have some good subbies
but a few of them are not great at reporting regularly
Now when they do not report they usually say they are "to busy"
mind you the tell me they are "to busy two days later, after I have sent Milo mail and regular e-mails
I actually start to worry
Are they sick?
Yet they report they are fine, and "just did not get to it"
What do you think I should do?
I would appreciate feedback, ideas
Punishment suggestions
ways to encourage reporting
alternatives
anything you can think of!
Now I am adding a Poll
I usually have DAILY reporting.
How often a week do others ask for reporting?
Re: subbies not reporting regularly
Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2011 5:52 am
by Nezhul
lots of reasons may be. Maybe they ARE busy, or not in the mood to play with you or whatever. Not all people are up for such games seriously, especially without any real connection (net is not good for developing something serious). I think whenever you start something like you do, you should be prepared that some people will loose interest, or some of them will continue to play with you but have lots of other things to do and prioritize them over you. Real DS relationship may only be in real life IMO. That's too much to expect lots of seriousness with the distant arrangement. There are off course people who will be serious, but I don't think there's too many.
Re: subbies not reporting regularly
Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2011 5:03 pm
by tomas_canuck
when i had a Domme, i had to report as requested or i would be let go. it was all part of my submission to obey and report as requested. i no longer have a Domme and only wish i had ONE to obey and worship. (i crave to be controlled)
Re: subbies not reporting regularly
Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 5:39 am
by FlinstoneToes
Hi
I am new to this forum and to active pursuit of bdsm. I have met a great sub from online and we are very different (such as age, outside interests, etc etc) but kinkwise I feel we are one minded. Lately the frequency and how quickly he replies has wanned some. He has just reasons to be down due to a family member's health.
Yet I am not sure how to respond to that because I truly feel, give an inch, take a mile feeling. Like if I don't somehow punish him it sets a tone that I accept excuses.
I think anyone whose sub is only checking in with them once a week is a joke. Are you kidding me? Either you truly want to be our subs or you don't. Plus loyalty matters. I haven't replied back yet just to punish him. Am I doing the right or wrong there here? Like what is the protocol for subs going through a real crisis, that most of the time they're your obidient (sp?) subs but now the real world has come crashing in?
-FT
Re: subbies not reporting regularly
Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 9:10 am
by les
Regular reporting achieves many things
It shows commitment to your Dom/me.
It allows your Dom/me to assess your progress in training.
It gives the subbie the option to comment on how the tasks are received.
It is pointless continually giving tasks that are not liked to the extent they are not performed.
I will always gently encourage my serfs to extend them selves.
I will always respect hard limits, but soft limits can be extended with patience on both sides.
In addition all my serfs are encouraged to check their understanding of a task,
receiving clarification with out fear of punishment,
As well as offering suggestions towards future times.
My email signature is as follows::--
To upset me disobey me.
To make me happy do as you are told.
Personal health, Family and Work/Education
These are all far more important than my tasks,
And are mandatory/legal reasons to pause.
Re: subbies not reporting regularly
Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 3:07 pm
by FlinstoneToes
les wrote:
Regular reporting achieves many things
It shows commitment to your Dom/me.
It allows your Dom/me to assess your progress in training.
It gives the subbie the option to comment on how the tasks are received.
It is pointless continually giving tasks that are not liked to the extent they are not performed.
I will always gently encourage my serfs to extend them selves.
I will always respect hard limits, but soft limits can be extended with patience on both sides.
In addition all my serfs are encouraged to check their understanding of a task,
receiving clarification with out fear of punishment,
As well as offering suggestions towards future times.
My email signature is as follows::--
To upset me disobey me.
To make me happy do as you are told.
Personal health, Family and Work/Education
These are all far more important than my tasks,
And are mandatory/legal reasons to pause.
So Les (by the way I think what you wrote in other post om the slave contract was funny as hell!!!-love your sense of humor). And I like your "disclaimer" that you put at the end of your emails too.
Can you advise me on what kind of tasks you give your subs/serfs? For example my sub knows he cannot masturbate till we meet and I give him permission to. Sometimes I tell him to touch himself lightly with just the tip of his fingers just to get hard before he goes to bed and dreams of me and my feet smushing him. I feel part of the problem is I am so new at all this and not sure exactly how to train my sub via emails.
He has told me what he likes and wants to try, so many of the emails we share are fantasies of what I would do to him which we both enjoy a lot. The idea of having complete control over his body is such a turn on
But the training is where I am at a bit of a lost.
Re: subbies not reporting regularly
Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 3:33 pm
by shell
I suppose my thoughts on this are, as you are beginning the sub/Dom relationship, it should be discussed as to what you want or expect from your sub. If you want contact every day, then they should be told.
There should be understanding if they can't, with a valid reason to follow.
Each sub and Dom/me are different and want different things. Communicate your desires. *Smile*
Re: subbies not reporting regularly
Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 3:46 pm
by FlinstoneToes
shell wrote:I suppose my thoughts on this are, as you are beginning the sub/Dom relationship, it should be discussed as to what you want or expect from your sub. If you want contact every day, then they should be told.
There should be understanding if they can't, with a valid reason to follow.
Each sub and Dom/me are different and want different things. Communicate your desires. *Smile*
Hi Shell
Yes I have no problem communicating and he does email me everyday, I guess I just want his replies to come more quickly but that's unrealistic of me as he works and has a very ill family member. Do you have any suggestions on what kind of tasks to give to my male sub and the best way to train them in obedience?
Thanks
-FT
Re: subbies not reporting regularly
Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 6:16 pm
by shell
FlinstoneToes wrote:shell wrote:I suppose my thoughts on this are, as you are beginning the sub/Dom relationship, it should be discussed as to what you want or expect from your sub. If you want contact every day, then they should be told.
There should be understanding if they can't, with a valid reason to follow.
Each sub and Dom/me are different and want different things. Communicate your desires. *Smile*
Hi Shell
Yes I have no problem communicating and he does email me everyday, I guess I just want his replies to come more quickly but that's unrealistic of me as he works and has a very ill family member. Do you have any suggestions on what kind of tasks to give to my male sub and the best way to train them in obedience?
Thanks
-FT
Some people will not agree with this, and that's okay.
I personally believe that communicating in times of crisis are just as important as times of pleasure and erotica.
However, that does create an emotional bond, and your sub or yourself may not want that.
Recently I went through a rough week, where there was a death in the family. I wanted desperately to contact Master through that ordeal. I wanted to draw on His strength to get through it. My emails weren't long....they were just a few minutes of each day that I could get lost in Him.
There are days like today, where I simply don't feel like writing, which is rare, but that is what I am going through today. I know that I will see Him online in a bit. Perhaps after that, I will feel like writing and write my daily email to Him, but if not, I know that He will understand.
As for your punishing your sub, with silence, when they have an ill family member, personally I do not think that is healthy for your relationship. You need to be strong for them right now. Punishing them for something that is out of their control.....would you punish them because the weather man called for sunny skies and it rained?
I know that sounds harsh.....and possibly borderline rude. I don't mean it to. Master has encouraged me to always speak my mind......so that's what I have done. *gentle smile*
I will leave the training questions to someone in a Dominate position. When I Dominate someone, it is under Master's guidance. *smile*
Re: subbies not reporting regularly
Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 7:18 pm
by Swesub
SexualChoc wrote:Okay I need some help
I have some good subbies
but a few of them are not great at reporting regularly
Now when they do not report they usually say they are "to busy"
mind you the tell me they are "to busy two days later, after I have sent Milo mail and regular e-mails
I actually start to worry
Are they sick?
Yet they report they are fine, and "just did not get to it"
What do you think I should do?
I would appreciate feedback, ideas
Punishment suggestions
ways to encourage reporting
alternatives
anything you can think of!
Now I am adding a Poll
I usually have DAILY reporting.
How often a week do others ask for reporting?
My salve contract says that I need to write an e mail atleast twice a week to my Goddess.
Sometimes I write more than twice...
But for me/us I think thats a good level of e-mail/week. We both have our everyday life to take care of and no one of us want to be tied with the computer.
The first online Mistress I had wanted daily report, she wanted that I was online every day and that was to mouch for me. She asked what time I would be home from work to morrow, and recuried that I logged in then.... I get no time to meet friends, no time to do anything else than work and serve her online
Re: subbies not reporting regularly
Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 9:53 pm
by les
FlinstoneToes wrote:
So Les (by the way I think what you wrote in other post om the slave contract was funny as hell!!!-love your sense of humor). And I like your "disclaimer" that you put at the end of your emails too.
Can you advise me on what kind of tasks you give your subs/serfs? For example my sub knows he cannot masturbate till we meet and I give him permission to. Sometimes I tell him to touch himself lightly with just the tip of his fingers just to get hard before he goes to bed and dreams of me and my feet smushing him. I feel part of the problem is I am so new at all this and not sure exactly how to train my sub via emails.
He has told me what he likes and wants to try, so many of the emails we share are fantasies of what I would do to him which we both enjoy a lot. The idea of having complete control over his body is such a turn on
But the training is where I am at a bit of a lost.
You have the information on likes and dislikes.
What you need to do is to create tasks that match his desires that do not require constant control as in a one on one chat session.
I would let him gradually achieve his wants stimulated by giving him the "illusion" that you want him to perform that way for you.
I personally use the carrot far more than the stick as a treat removed is very effective.
This is why chastity is so successful.
Rewards should be given when earned otherwise the desire to please is dulled as the slave will feel he is unable to do as you ask/command.
The fear of failure is one thing
Seeming to fail constantly and unrelentingly no matter what he does is not to be encouraged.
I will admit all slaves and Dom/mes are different and fine tuning is to be constantly monitored.
Hence the frequent reports.
Re: subbies not reporting regularly
Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2011 12:22 am
by FlinstoneToes
Here's the update
Late last night I felt bad for not replying so I wrote before going to bed to my foot toy a nice email in which I explained that this is all still so new to me and sometimes I admit I panic a little. What if he is a faker or just getting his jollies? It hard to tell when we haven't met yet. I chose to have faith in him that he's being honest. Then to cheer him up I told what I would like to do to him and wished him a good day at work. I agree with the person who wrote that I need to be a source of strength for him during this crisis. Turns out my instincts were right and his family member is in the hospital. He wrote me a nice but sad email about how hard it is to experience the emptiness of his home and that he wants to be able to enjoy our kinky ideas its just he's too sad to and I can see the difference in the past few days. He even signed off his email "your slave" which makes me realize he is just as invested in this relationship as I am.
Thank you everyone who has been so kind to me and sent me emails. Its nice to find others like me and are willing to share their advice. Like someone told me to use Domme not Dom in regards to femaledoms. I will be the 1st to admit I have much to learn.
-FT
Re: subbies not reporting regularly
Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2011 8:03 am
by dr.d
communication is key , never forget that this is a person with a live and that he or she is giving up control to you.
also you can be his friend as well as his Mistress
and if your submissive fails at a task that you have given him try to encourge him to try harder to please you , I find that it works better then punishment .