Milovana.com

Please just tell me what you all think

unfortunately I never finished reading it, there are a huge number of spelling mistakes within the tease/story which I find really off-putting, especially when I have to try to figure out what the word is meant to be. Consider looking at there/their/they're and are/our as a starting point :)

curiousSK wrote:unfortunately I never finished reading it, there are a huge number of spelling mistakes within the tease/story which I find really off-putting, especially when I have to try to figure out what the word is meant to be. Consider looking at there/their/they're and are/our as a starting point :)

I have to agree, without correct spelling and punctuation I'm less inclined to finnish a tease. Plus text speak is a big no-no in my opinion too. Nice concept although a tag unrealistic when you think about it with all those girls.

Sure the spelling and punctuation aren't the best but I really liked this tease. It's not easy coming up with something that hasn't really been done before so I applaud your creativity and originality. Not realistic but it doesn't have to be - it's a fantasy - and a really hot one at that.

I agree that the spelling/grammer mistakes were a bit annoying and that there were many of them, but...like bondageman said, it's still a decent story. Unrealistic? Sure, but then I don't think it was intended to be anyway. It's a fantasy and one I'm sure many here have had. Or at least something similar anyway.

All in all, not a bad effort at all. Just take some time and correct the spelling and punctuation.

lockgrid wrote:

curiousSK wrote:unfortunately I never finished reading it, there are a huge number of spelling mistakes within the tease/story which I find really off-putting, especially when I have to try to figure out what the word is meant to be. Consider looking at there/their/they're and are/our as a starting point :)

I have to agree, without correct spelling and punctuation I'm less inclined to finnish a tease. Plus text speak is a big no-no in my opinion too. Nice concept although a tag unrealistic when you think about it with all those girls.

Ahem!

I loved the tease - despite the minor problems!
What guy doesn't fantasize about being used by mutiple women for sex!
And public humiliation is another fantasy of mine and there was a lot of that real and implied.

THe ending was cute - but unrealistic. How can you train a man to be a man without at least occasional putting his cock to some kind of use!

Keep up the work - maybe make the pictures hang together more.

As a fantasy, I thought this was really hot! Thank you.

Pretty sure I've read a story online somewhere that was pretty much this idea, and like that I did enjoy the fantasy of it.

The shocking spelling though did break the flow as I found myself having to re-read sentances a few times to try and work out what was actually being said.

Sort out the basic errors like spelling and it'd be an excellent tease.

Really enjoyed the story, sounded like something out of a REALLY awesome dream, or a submissive version of Penthouse. My only complaint (that hasn't been mentioned yet) is that the models were mostly WAY too old. You said that the"elder sister" was 30, but she looked almost 50 or something.

I also liked the story's general idea. But the spelling was awful, and off-putting at times. And the pictures jumped around from place to place and had little continuity when showing women other than the oldest sister, Dawn. That is, they were supposed to be in a hotel but the pictures showed groups of women on the beach or in the water, etc., and the set of women was contsantly changing. Granted, I don't know how you would find a set of pictures to properly illustrate this story without such continuity problems...