Exit Stage Left, Lady X
Posted: Sun Aug 29, 2010 9:26 pm
Hello to those that wish to read this. *gentle smile*
Yes, you read the title correctly, I am leaving Milovana again and this time I won't be coming back.
There is much speculation and I am going to set the record straight, directly from My lips to your ears.
First, I am not leaving because of any one thing or one person, so no self blaming or blaming of others allowed. *smile*
Life just happens some times.
Yes, I got a little shell shocked by something that was said by Indy, but he was hurt by My not staying in contact with him, when I did tell him I would. That's on Me, not him. *looks at him* I'm sorry I let you down darlin. *gentle smile*
Yes, I got set back a few paces when I found out that a submissives body didn't like a task I put before him, but I don't blame him, nor do I blame Myself. Again...life happens.
So, why am I leaving?
I am not finding the peace and happiness that I thought I would, when I came back.
When My son started back to school and life was settling down after an exhausting summer that included a death in My family, I thought I wanted to come back here and get lost in the relationships I know are possible here at Milovana.
When I left before, I did so because of several things.
First, I had some major drama going on here at home and couldn't cope.
But something had happened shortly before My leaving. I found out that most of the Teases that are written are written by men from a woman's perspective. That blew Me away.
For those that followed the Penetration of Lady X thread, you know that being upfront and honest is what I am grounded in.
I am not saying, by any means that writing as a woman, while being a man is wrong. For what ever reason, it just didn't sit well with Me and every time a tease is mentioned I flinch inside. Do you understand when I say, "it's Me, not you"? Just because it bothers Me, doesn't make it wrong. It just means I can't deal with it. It causes Me to look at each person with question....."is this person "REALLY" a male...."REALLY" a female?
All those years, when I chatted, having sex with this one and that one....I simply didn't care if the person I was talking to, having sex with, was not who they said they were...I was, excuse My language, but I was fucking and enjoying it, so who cared.
But this place is different. It's very easy to form friendships and relationships here. But when My walls are up and I am sending every word spoken to Me through My personal "truth or lie" part of My brain, the fun goes out of it.
I think Milovana is great! I have brought several people from chat rooms here and will probably still recommend it to others.
I don't think I should be judged, spoken poorly of or looked down upon because it doesn't feel right to Me. I think instead I should be praised for having the courage to speak the truth as to why I am leaving.
les, you asked why I cut the task short. All that I have just said is a good part of the reason.
But there is one more little part.............and perhaps in hearing this, if you are angry, or sad at Me for walking away, perhaps knowing this might help those feelings go away.
Two days after I came back here, I was reunited with a submissive that caught My eye around four years ago. he is free from Others, for the first time since we met. I wish to pursue him. I wish to see if there is something there that is worth hanging on to. he excites Me and brings Me joy, each time we have spoken over the course of the years we have known each other.
So, yes, I want to devote My time to him, exclusively..........I will not feel guilty for wanting that. I want to be happy and content just like everyone else does. *gentle smile*
*****
For all those that participated in My "Monday" task........I was honored that you joined Me for it. I also loved reading down through each and every one of your sharing how things went with you. Each of you brought Me joy and I thank you. *warm smile*
I send good thoughts and well wishes to each of you. It is My hope that as you go through life, searching for the happiness you seek....that you find it in abundance. Be well My friends.......and as always...*looks at les and smiles*....BE SAFE, gosh darn it! *giggles*
*blows warm kisses into the air* Catch em if you want them.
Goodbye Milovanites *soft smile*
Yes, you read the title correctly, I am leaving Milovana again and this time I won't be coming back.
There is much speculation and I am going to set the record straight, directly from My lips to your ears.
First, I am not leaving because of any one thing or one person, so no self blaming or blaming of others allowed. *smile*
Life just happens some times.
Yes, I got a little shell shocked by something that was said by Indy, but he was hurt by My not staying in contact with him, when I did tell him I would. That's on Me, not him. *looks at him* I'm sorry I let you down darlin. *gentle smile*
Yes, I got set back a few paces when I found out that a submissives body didn't like a task I put before him, but I don't blame him, nor do I blame Myself. Again...life happens.
So, why am I leaving?
I am not finding the peace and happiness that I thought I would, when I came back.
When My son started back to school and life was settling down after an exhausting summer that included a death in My family, I thought I wanted to come back here and get lost in the relationships I know are possible here at Milovana.
When I left before, I did so because of several things.
First, I had some major drama going on here at home and couldn't cope.
But something had happened shortly before My leaving. I found out that most of the Teases that are written are written by men from a woman's perspective. That blew Me away.
For those that followed the Penetration of Lady X thread, you know that being upfront and honest is what I am grounded in.
I am not saying, by any means that writing as a woman, while being a man is wrong. For what ever reason, it just didn't sit well with Me and every time a tease is mentioned I flinch inside. Do you understand when I say, "it's Me, not you"? Just because it bothers Me, doesn't make it wrong. It just means I can't deal with it. It causes Me to look at each person with question....."is this person "REALLY" a male...."REALLY" a female?
All those years, when I chatted, having sex with this one and that one....I simply didn't care if the person I was talking to, having sex with, was not who they said they were...I was, excuse My language, but I was fucking and enjoying it, so who cared.
But this place is different. It's very easy to form friendships and relationships here. But when My walls are up and I am sending every word spoken to Me through My personal "truth or lie" part of My brain, the fun goes out of it.
I think Milovana is great! I have brought several people from chat rooms here and will probably still recommend it to others.
I don't think I should be judged, spoken poorly of or looked down upon because it doesn't feel right to Me. I think instead I should be praised for having the courage to speak the truth as to why I am leaving.
les, you asked why I cut the task short. All that I have just said is a good part of the reason.
But there is one more little part.............and perhaps in hearing this, if you are angry, or sad at Me for walking away, perhaps knowing this might help those feelings go away.
Two days after I came back here, I was reunited with a submissive that caught My eye around four years ago. he is free from Others, for the first time since we met. I wish to pursue him. I wish to see if there is something there that is worth hanging on to. he excites Me and brings Me joy, each time we have spoken over the course of the years we have known each other.
So, yes, I want to devote My time to him, exclusively..........I will not feel guilty for wanting that. I want to be happy and content just like everyone else does. *gentle smile*
*****
For all those that participated in My "Monday" task........I was honored that you joined Me for it. I also loved reading down through each and every one of your sharing how things went with you. Each of you brought Me joy and I thank you. *warm smile*
I send good thoughts and well wishes to each of you. It is My hope that as you go through life, searching for the happiness you seek....that you find it in abundance. Be well My friends.......and as always...*looks at les and smiles*....BE SAFE, gosh darn it! *giggles*
*blows warm kisses into the air* Catch em if you want them.
Goodbye Milovanites *soft smile*
) and for everything you did for the whole community.
I'm trying to figure out how a heterosexual male sub's T&D fantasies could be crafted as a web tease any other way and be better. I mean... it's not like we want to pretend to be women, it's that we want to read hot stories and currently there aren't enough women doing it. I find it painfully ironic to think that the solution reinforces the problem. We don't have more women teasing because there aren't enough women teasing?