Journey from my fantasy BDSM land to reality. Advice?
Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 11:41 pm
The Graduate, I read your post about courting a Dom. Very useful information, and I found it to be an interesting read. I have difficulty reading (as my mind wanders and jumps around a lot), so the fact that I read that at least to myself, expresses my interest in the subject. I interpreted it as an offline guide, as the online type stuff never really interested me (Didn't even know such a thing existed until 3 days ago). However, in the real world, I am not quite at the being in a submissive relationship level yet. So Hence this post.
I think this is an interesting place to post this topic, What you seem to have here is a mix of Reality people and Fantasy people. I read a few posts about real life chastity, and found it highly erotic, but I also read people who masturbate every 1 to 2 days who fantasize about being denied
...Yeah I'm on that boat 
Although I do plan on teasing myself for longer periods, its a fantasy i never really explored, and I'm so glad I found this site.
Back to reality.
I said I'm not ready for the relationship type deal yet. The truth is, I've never been in any kind of relationship. I'm 20 years old, shy and a bit awkward. I don't really creep people out.. I guess a good way to put it is I'm socially slow. That flaw, combined with an all boys high school, and a 85% male college = no relationship's.
Anyway, I was sick and tired of keeping my fantasies to my self, I wanted to go experience them in reality.
So a few weeks ago I gathered my balls and went to my first MUNCH, and afterwards to a Fetish club. I was wayy out of my comfort zone, and I was awkward and felt a little creepy. I knew my expectations were way off about the actually BDSM scene, so I went without any expectations.. I figured I would just go with the flow. Being shy didn't help, but a few people approached me and I had some quite interesting conversations about BDSM and general topics. The organizer of the munch said the best thing for me to do was to just observe and learn, get to know people, and ask any questions. Once people get to recognize my face and when I felt more comfortable, If I saw something I liked/wanted to try, I should just approach the person in control and ask questions, ask to participate.
I have a better idea of what to expect now, at least from a social standpoint. Its probably going to be a while till I take a stab at the relationship thing... but I guess you never know, maybe If I play my cards right. The people I talked with were very causal, very friendly, and very open-minded. They seemed to do it more as a hobby, more for fun. They told me several stories of fun causal torment/sensation play. That seems to be more what I am looking for at the moment. I don't really care about the sexual/relationship aspect of it. I just like the teasing, mind play, and sensation type stuff. And I also see it as an opportunity to open up, and opportunity to be more social, and have some fun.
I also saw several couples in serious D/S relationships, and it looked quite intense, very erotic and powerful. That is not necessarily something I am looking for at the moment. I just don't really know how I'd respond emotionally. It's definitely something I'm interested in... but having no relationship experience, I obviously can't just jump into that. But I guess I'll see how this all plays out
In January I am moving back to NY, I hope the local scene is as open-armed and friendly as it was here. Although I fear its less of a community type deal, and more of a business for them. The place I went to was non-profit. The owner of this club was a close friend to 90% of the people in the place, and he made sure to approach me and talk to me about a few things. Also a friendly lady who worked the cashier insisted that I come back for her Story-filled tour of the place. I hope the more populated NY has a similar group of people.
Is my approach a typical, or a good way to enter the scene? Got any advice for someone in this situation?
Thanks for that guide again, any advice, recommendations, or stories from anyone is greatly appreciated.
I think this is an interesting place to post this topic, What you seem to have here is a mix of Reality people and Fantasy people. I read a few posts about real life chastity, and found it highly erotic, but I also read people who masturbate every 1 to 2 days who fantasize about being denied
...Yeah I'm on that boat Although I do plan on teasing myself for longer periods, its a fantasy i never really explored, and I'm so glad I found this site.
Back to reality.
I said I'm not ready for the relationship type deal yet. The truth is, I've never been in any kind of relationship. I'm 20 years old, shy and a bit awkward. I don't really creep people out.. I guess a good way to put it is I'm socially slow. That flaw, combined with an all boys high school, and a 85% male college = no relationship's.
Anyway, I was sick and tired of keeping my fantasies to my self, I wanted to go experience them in reality.
So a few weeks ago I gathered my balls and went to my first MUNCH, and afterwards to a Fetish club. I was wayy out of my comfort zone, and I was awkward and felt a little creepy. I knew my expectations were way off about the actually BDSM scene, so I went without any expectations.. I figured I would just go with the flow. Being shy didn't help, but a few people approached me and I had some quite interesting conversations about BDSM and general topics. The organizer of the munch said the best thing for me to do was to just observe and learn, get to know people, and ask any questions. Once people get to recognize my face and when I felt more comfortable, If I saw something I liked/wanted to try, I should just approach the person in control and ask questions, ask to participate.
I have a better idea of what to expect now, at least from a social standpoint. Its probably going to be a while till I take a stab at the relationship thing... but I guess you never know, maybe If I play my cards right. The people I talked with were very causal, very friendly, and very open-minded. They seemed to do it more as a hobby, more for fun. They told me several stories of fun causal torment/sensation play. That seems to be more what I am looking for at the moment. I don't really care about the sexual/relationship aspect of it. I just like the teasing, mind play, and sensation type stuff. And I also see it as an opportunity to open up, and opportunity to be more social, and have some fun.
I also saw several couples in serious D/S relationships, and it looked quite intense, very erotic and powerful. That is not necessarily something I am looking for at the moment. I just don't really know how I'd respond emotionally. It's definitely something I'm interested in... but having no relationship experience, I obviously can't just jump into that. But I guess I'll see how this all plays out
In January I am moving back to NY, I hope the local scene is as open-armed and friendly as it was here. Although I fear its less of a community type deal, and more of a business for them. The place I went to was non-profit. The owner of this club was a close friend to 90% of the people in the place, and he made sure to approach me and talk to me about a few things. Also a friendly lady who worked the cashier insisted that I come back for her Story-filled tour of the place. I hope the more populated NY has a similar group of people.
Is my approach a typical, or a good way to enter the scene? Got any advice for someone in this situation?
Thanks for that guide again, any advice, recommendations, or stories from anyone is greatly appreciated.