Milovana.com

Feel free to leave comments here.

I am especially interested in hearing from Sub-Routine, the creator of the character "Mistress Mouse".
All respect goes to them.

Bill

You want a comment? Here it comes:
Nice pictures. Nice story. But still just a story and not what I call a Webtease. So, sorry for the low voting...

I think we really need that extra part for erotic stories.

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Thanks for the effort.

For my money, far more important than the pictures or even the major story line is the quality of writing. The original "If you Give a Mouse a Cookie" was brilliant because of its outstanding writing. Another of his works of art, "It Was Always Your Choice", is another all time favorite of mine for the same reason. SubRoutine is a gifted writer, able to craft a story that is so sexy because of his writing more than his choice of photo subject. He generally avoids crass, pornographic imagery in favor of powerful erotic storytelling.

I'm not criticizing your writing or this effort, and I honestly appreciate the mere fact that you contribute (as opposed to me, for example). But this tease doesn't fit in at all with SubRoutine's series. It reminds me of one of those "Star Wars" books I read as a kid written by any of the literally dozens of writers that paid Lucas to use his characters in a book. A great original is tough to equal.

Yeah, i really dislike the fact you basically stepped on another authers turf, it would have been a LOT better if you created your own unique character i think

I don't see any reason that it had to be a continuation of Mistress Mouse. Also, the pregnancy thing came out of left field and threw the whole thing off.

I think your writing style is pretty good, not bad at all.
I hope you keep at it, keep making new teases with your own characters.

I never got into the Mistress Mouse tease(s) but she was a very cute girl.
I don't think it was a bad thing that you took another writers character.
(I felt it was more of a tribute to that author)
But, I suggest you use your own characters more than you use others.
That way, others will admire YOU, for YOUR writing.

I liked the first part of the tease with the sadistic cuckholding.
(I didn't like the lack of stroke commands, and I didn't like the playwrite style of writing)
But all in all it was a good story, except for the end.
The end really wasn't for me, at all. I would rather her have said something along the lines of "YES! COME INSIDE OF ME! I will give it up for adoption, and my slave will send money to the family each month!"
I dont like reading about a mistress being taken advantage of.

Hi!

Thanks to everybody for giving their comments.

First of all, I did the webtease as a tribute to Sub-Routine and the very unique character that he created in "Mistress Mouse". I even asked him if it was okay to do a tease of the character that he created before I presumed to do so. I received no answer in the negative, so I proceeded in the "billlr" style.

Second, I DO have a unique character, or characters. It is "Confidence Building for Future Brides". Guy is the main character, Chris, Hunter, and Pam are the supporting characters. Anybody can access them via my teases.

Anyway, thanks for the kind input. It is a pleasure doing it.

Bill

i think it's a good tease with new ideas for a given character.
Good work !

hey billlr keep \ding what your doing i dont see why story webteases are any less valid than the more direct versions. i like when people continue stories/characters created by other authors. i dunno why, maybe the same reason why I like weird sequels to classic films (even if they are really bad films)

billlr wrote:I even asked him if it was okay to do a tease of the character that he created before I presumed to do so. I received no answer in the negative, so I proceeded in the "billlr" style.

I don't think an absence of a response qualifies as a "yes", but then, that's not really my character anyways. The tagline "Mistress Mouse" was a tacky joke, as the character is nameless in the "If You Give A Mouse A Cookie..." series for various reasons. It certainly wouldn't jive with my teases if she were the same character, as she is monogamous (thus far) with her reader and certainly at the top of the food-chain in any dom-sub relationship. I thought it was an interesting boundary to set for a woman that takes every other fantasy to its extreme - the concept that she does actually care about her sub even as she strips everything away from him was an interesting way to make her somewhat unique from other chastity fantasies.

I'm not especially certain why you'd want the link-in anyways - although the characters share the same face, it's not as though you can't write her out as a different person, especially since that is a much younger version of the model. We've certainly seen enough iterations of Kate and other models to prove this is true.

I won't say anything as to the quality of the tease, but I would stress that it doesn't fall under my "canon", as laughable a term that seems for a small collection of webteases. I have at least one more tease left to write and it doesn't include impregnation. Write what you like, as long as you don't put my name on it.