Milovana.com

Where does all this hate against women, that is shining through come from?

People are different, some people want life long relationships with a different or same sex partner, some need a lot of time alone. Most people need human connections of some form. Find, what is right for you, and let people be.
And marriage is not about enslaving a man, it is a social construct to give an economic basis for building a family. Doesn't have to be for you, it's not for me either, but no need to make it your ideological target.
Find the kinds of relationships, you want to have. If you wan't to exclude women from that, I would find that a bit limiting, but it is absolutely your choice.

edging_bliss wrote: Thu Jan 20, 2022 8:38 pm When instead of attacking the arguments of a person, you attack the person instead - hoping that the audience will focus on the person and not on what he/she said.

I'm not attacking some unrelated aspect of you as a person, that would be "ad hominem". I am asking for the your reasons to say things like these " instead of the selfish Western Woman". Your statement clearly shows, you have a problem with "western" women. You refuse to clarify, what that problem is and why you do have it. So basically, you spread your prejudice and refuse to discuss it.

"your text implies that you hate women; ergo you are an imbalanced human being; and I should therefore ignore anything and everything you say"

I didn't even ignore other parts of your statement, but I didn't ignore that part either.
The rest of your statement doesn't need much debating. If you prefer masturbation over sexual or romantic relationships, you are completely free to do so and it is perfectly fine. Calling "Western Women" "selfish" because they apparently do not behave like you want them to, isn't.

How can I possibly do that while hating women?

I don't see, where this would exclude each other. You can sexualize and lust for women but at the same time hate how they behave. And you called several million of them "selfish". So you clearly have some issue with their behavior in general.

I am programmed to desire women

Yeah, maybe you are "programmed" to want to fuck women. Not the same has respecting women.

BUT, that doesn't mean that I will enslave myself to any of them.

This whole idea of men being enslaved by women in general society also seems some kind of illusion of yours. Who said you should be? Do you really believe, most men are? This even lets me to believe you are some scared of women, as you feel the need to actively work against being enslaved by one of them...

I'll just jump from one 10/10 sex provider to the next; but mostly I will enjoy the infinitely better pleasure I can feel on my own.

Great, have fun, just be respectful to the "sex providers".

And perhaps as time goes by you'll come to my way of thinking.

I seriously doubt that. I have quite a few relationships to "Western Women" and I don't feel, they are selfish. I might sometimes feel enslaved, but that's just cause I want to

But if you haven't done so, I suggest you do some research on the manosphere.

Did some research, that seems to be a heterogeneous misogynistic network of frustrated men.

Listen to their regrets.

Listening to regrets of old men that hate their wives, yay fun!

And then try to answer the simple question: why would one willfully submit to limiting himself to a single female? What possible rational reason would there be to do that?

Well, many people seem to enjoy the trust and reliability an long term relationship give them. Many people do it even if they do not want to have kids. Some even enter in such a relationship when they are already too old to have kids. Nobody has to, you don't have to, if you don't want to.

"Love and kids" (my genes programmed me to be a happy dog with a collar and a bunch of puppies)

Why do you feel the need to talk this down? Interacting with kids is fun (at least to me it usually is), some people want to have their own, why is satisfying this need somehow worse than satisfying the need of your sexual urges, which you seem to be most concerned with?
)

I'd be interested to debate an actually rational response... But yours doesn't qualify, I'm afraid.

It's interesting I've sort of reached a similar conclusion here about the physically. My wife and I aren't 100% compatible in bed together, shes wired up a bit differently than me and we have a narrow set of places where we are matched up. This caused a lot of issues early on, and I used things like cock heros to help carry me through my upset periods about it. But a about 10 years or more back I think I had a realization that honestly, ok I can have amazing orgasms if I edge myself out for a long while or get so lost in it all.

However this helped me realize a lot about myself. I realized that for me, making friends with women was always easy, but being desired by them was challenging. I think what happened because of this is so much of my self worth and validation was tied up into needing to experience a sexual act with a woman to feel good about myself. Or, I might want it as a pick me up, today was a bad day so a blowjob would be the cure and I could move on! Top up the minor depression with some boobs in your mouth and get going with the day. But I zoomed in on needing that sexual act for it to matter. It was drug to smooth over feeling down about myself, and it was something that I relied on some other person to act as a battery for my needs, and not as a person with their own agency of wants and needs as well.

Coming to the realization that an orgasm's joy or boringness was derived from my own mental state was freeing. It doesn't really matter which part of body you are making the friction over, it's more what is my mental state while it's happening. Why is one greater than the other?

This freed me up to finally be able to take in my personal situation in a better light. To realize that when I'm with my wife, I'm topping myself up on the love and intimacy that's important for me, it doesn't matter if I can't do this act or that act and have to stick to a script, we just need to be looking into each other's eyes while we strip away our defenses and just feel joy together. If I want 72 hours of edging denial or whatever, hello milovana, thanks for all your work!

So I guess I wanted to share that personal story with you that I understand your conclusion, when you are with someone when there is no relationship or love, it will be empty. If you aren't looking for companionship then, I could see easily that having a partner isn't something to feel bad about wanting.
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On some of your other points I disagree with your views that men are constantly serving women. Women are people and people can be good and bad, there are a lot of shit people out there for sure that will take advantage. Men do it, women do it, lgbqt do it, they all do it, people are people regardless of their orientation and gender.

Generally people only talk in detail about their marriage when things are wrong or ending. There aren't many people out there writing forum posts about how everything went well today and my partner was super supportive everyday, and if they do it certainly doesn't get pushed up top in reddit or anything.

It's easy to get this viewpoint that every divorce ends in the man getting screwed, but that is only some states. Some states are just no fault 50/50. A female friend of mine paid alimony to her husband in her divorce because she made more than him. But I do know this is anecdotal evidence and is not statistically backed, which is essentially the claim I'm making as well, without the large numbers it's hard to draw, but i'd say that happiness in marriage is quite difficult to measure, even when evaluating our own marriages in our heads.

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I guess drawing down to an end, I understand very well the marriage and kid pressure people feel and strongly support your conclusion to go your own way and to not feel any less of a person because of that, because that is true and right.

Now I well understand the power women can have over men, one of the things on this site I like to confront personally is just how weak and out of control I feel under the gaze of beauty. I just think that it is important to not walk away from that thinking it's women's fault or something they mean to intentionally do to people, or really even that women are that different than men. Women have honestly suffered much, much more because of that affect they have on men then men really have at it.

If you stop and think about what if you were a woman born with a large chest, cloths don't fit you without your boobs shot out. Other women will get pissed at you for being lewd, and men coming around the corner can have absolute mental breakdowns because they got a tinge of arousal, either being pushy as hell or just getting straight up mad that they felt something and having to do something about it. But for them they were just rushing through the hall thinking about how much they need to shit out the taco bell they just ate, you know?

Anyway going to stop there but I think really I don't know about most of the early points but I agree with your final statement, "Why would you choose to address your sexual needs with relationships?" But my twist on it really is that, your relationship shouldn't primarily be about sex, it shouldn't be ignored, but it should be about the same things that we use for friendships and companionship in general. Having someone there for you when you need them, someone to make you laugh, someone that makes you feel good just when they are sitting near you, someone day in and day out helping you with your life chores, someone to make you feel special, someone to hug you when you want to cry, someone to grab your ass when you are feeling ugly. Those are why we should choose our companions, not their ability to tongue tornado your dick into heaven.

edging_bliss wrote: Thu Jan 20, 2022 10:12 pm Trying to turn it into a "personal weakness" of mine

I'm not trying anything, it is a "personal weakness" of yours. You are just spreading misogynistic generalisations as if women weren't people with many different personalities but some collective out to suppress men. And then you are trying to frame that as rationality and try to frame me as unfairly attacking you. That's dishonest and cowardly.

I could point you to manosphere posts about men whose wives destroyed their lives

There are surely a lot of men complaining about their wives. Some rightly so some not, it doesn't support your generalized claim of "Western Women" being selfish. There are a lot of men who make their wives or female partners live hell as well, some to the point of ending that live. I could point you to something called "the news" to show that...

with half the marriages basically falling over

And that's the fault of women? Some people are not made to stay with each other for the rest of their lives. And divorce can be a good and more or less amicable thing. Not all of these divorces are wars, and how expensive they are for the higher income part depends a lot of local legislation.

I feel I have more than enough reasons to doubt "Western marriage"

No one forces you to marry. If you don't like it don't. But don't blame women for it. Also, how are "non-western marriages" better? In some countries, men have more power over women, and in many more just neither part has a choice so people don't divorce. Has nothing to do with "western".

But based on what you say, I get the impression that you just want to put all men in failed Western marriages - i.e. HALF married men - in a "box of broken toy-men" and just... ignore them.

How do you get to that conclusion? I clearly said, everybody should choose the kinds of relationships he/she/it wants. Doesn't matter to me. I just still don't get how western women are supposed to be "selfish" in general. You have made exactly zero arguments with respect to that conclusion.

But don't fool yourself into thinking that's a rational stance.

There is no purely rational way of living. Why would one masturbate to porn? Cause it satisfies some urges? Why should you satisfy those? Why should you not just decide to die right now? Or decide to marry and have 10 kids? In the end, you have to believe in something. You could believe in being happy as a live goal. Well, maybe kids and grand kids do that for some people, there is a lot of evidence that it does. Most people that aren't completely asexual desire some kind of deeper relationship with a sexual partner. or multiple sexual partners, be it simultaneously or sequentially. If you are fine with just masturbating to porn and visiting sexual workers, that's your valid choice. Some people want to do something different. That's not less rational, they just have different needs than you do.

Because that's what you do, when you marry in Western societies.

I'm not married and I do not plan to. But divorce is not death. I know quite a few people that have divorced and have married again. Doesn't even mean that they regret the first marriage.

That would require some serious mental gymnastics Loving the female form yet hating females at the same time...

It is not uncommon at all. There are enough men out their that clearly are attracted to women but do not respect women at all.

You mark me as a "hater of women";

Well, you blame them for the misery of half of (married) men in the western world and you think of all of them (at least in the west) as selfish. There is clearly some antipathy there. If it reaches to the level of hate, I don't know.

I counter that I understand and appreciate the beauty and fragrance of flowers, without digging through the dirt involved in dealing with them on a daily basis.

You constantly talk about women like objects. Don't you have any normal, non-sexual relationships with women? You only think in "work" (as in marriage etc.) in relationship with sexual gratification. Flowers don't have personalities, women do...
You constantly objectify women, maybe not even out of hate, but then out of some very strange ignorance.

This even lets me to believe you are some scared of women

Oh so cute, more ad-hominems

Drop the latin that you don't understand. Analyzing you is not an ad-hominem.
Your "rational thinkin" is flawed anyway, as I have pointed out. That is just a shield you hide behind. The interesting thing is, why you constantly objectify women and blame them for misery of males. You claim to not need women (or only some professional women like porn actresses) but certainly you need no personal relationships with women. So what in your eyes makes western women selfish? How have they been selfish to you, if there is absolutely nothing that you want?

And compared to a wife? They are 3 orders of magnitude cheaper

See, objectification again. And pointing that out will surely get me an other invalid "ad hominem" accusation. With a wife one has a personal relationship and that relationship is typically reciprocated. Most women don't "trick" men into relationships, they truly want them. And at some point this relationship might not work anymore. Doesn't have to be the fault of anybody.

"The software in my genes tells me to enjoy the trust and "reliability" (facepalm ) of a long-term relationship"

So what? The software also tells you to masturbate for no reason. Good for you, that you only seem to have sexual needs, most people have other needs.

The fact that "many people" do it does not make it rational

True. Your behavior just isn't rational either.

the side-effects of satisfying your "REPRODUCE!" genetic imperative make you a life-long slave: wake up, work, come back, buy groceries, do house/kids work, tolerate wife drivel, drop dead in bed... repeat.

And? You also have a chance of people caring for you for life. And in many cases at least some of these people do. Also, this "life-long" commitment is not true. If you have kids, it is a commitment for the next 20 years or so. What kind of commitment marriage is, depends on the jurisdiction. Here, it's not that much of a problem. Also pretty easy nowadays to have kids and not marry or to marry and not have kids.

Ad-nauseum. How the gigantic fuck is that a better way to live than pure, free, unbridled lust?

Lust is not everything. You might also figure this out at some point.

Life is a circle, I refer you to my namesake: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HvrySwhZrQ

I live my life alone. For most people, that is tantamount to sadness and misery. Even amazing Cock Hero creators like fragrantEmulsion vent occasionally about it (viewtopic.php?p=269466#p269466): "I'd love to find someone to share long lasting emotional and sexual relationship with... I cried over a woman..."

Thanks for the memories. When was this? 2019? Gods! Midgard is so different now. I am so different now! Though I still battle with the serpent and the shadow, I stand on my own legs with an axe I forged myself. I should not have wept for that woman, she sought to use me to satisfy a rift in her life. I could not support her then, and now that I can, I would not dare waste my strength and treasure on her and her bastard son.

I have severe attention issues and probably didn't thoroughly dick your post, but it seems like you are essentially writing a thesis that rationalizes your pain and excuses these feelings by falsifying societal edicts. It is not my place to guide you, but know this: Western society has broken the ring. Rotting in excess, entitled to comfort, abandoning the good Earth that bore us with the Sky-Father's seed.

Do you know the name of the person who grew your food, knit your clothes, built your home? Do you speak to your neighbors?

Blind consumerism is the West's legacy now. This has seeped into our relationships. If you live in a city you are competing with hundreds of thousands of other men to win the attention of a woman. Smart women do not need you to support them either. She doesn't need you to build a house, make tools, hunt, fish, fight off rapist steppe people, or anything. Jeff Bezos does that for her now.

Children are no longer an asset, they are an annoying liability that impacts career growth, wealth generation, and freedom. There is no extended family/tribe to share the burden of raising them. Instead, they are now raised by tablets. The only women who want kids at 20 are kind of crazy, and the ones who don't have kids by 30 are forced to make a choice: kids or career.

As a child of divorce, I think the 50% divorce stat is ultimately because people lie to themselves (and their partners), are incapable of changing, and fail in communicating their needs. My parent's marriage failed ultimately because my father was unable/unwilling to be responsible or make decisions, and he did not pull his weight (in conversation, financially, etc). They loved each other and were sexually compatible, but that wasn't everything.

He re-married to an ultra controlling woman who does not even give him the choice of deciding his own vehicle. Is he happy? No. But he is too afraid of being alone to change that.

He never learned to be a responsible adult, and as a result, once I hit puberty he was incapable of guiding me. This impacted my self esteem significantly and I am only now clawing my way out of this. To put things in perspective, I make more money than he does, even though he is twice my age now. This is... wrong.

I will not fail my children in the way he failed me. For my ancestors will only be reborn through my descendants.

edging_bliss wrote: Fri Jan 21, 2022 12:35 am In a world that makes no sense, it's the only fucking thing that does!

So lust is your only need, explains a lot.

To be honest, I debated whether we should keep "discussing" - because at this stage it sounds like a shouting match.

I agree, that this debate makes no sense, as you are not answering any of my questions and not considering any arguments, but are just repeating your statements.

I claimed, that regardless of your genes', your priest's or your societal circle's viewpoint on marriage, it is still a tremendously risky (50-50, per statistics) Russian Roulette

That's only one thing, you have claimed. But it is also obviously and completely wrong. First of all, a marriage is not "death" if it is divorced at some point. Can still have been worth it. And it is also not a coin toss, you choose the person, you want to try it with. If and how it ends if it does depends a lot on your personality and the of the person you choose.
And anyway, it is the same coin toss for women, but you see it as a burden for men alone, very strange...

that can leave you devastated financially and emotionally... at least in Western societies

So in other societies, people do not get unhappy in marriage? Or if the do, what happens then?

and claimed that they are, nowadays, irrational reasons

Companionship and wanting kids is irrational, only lust is ration, got it.

and that if Lust is your driving force in life

Big if. It is one force, I do a lot of other things that aren't for lust. Yeah, just to get an orgasm now and than, marriage or even having kids isn't a great plan. I live my kinks to the fullest and invest a lot of time and money into them. Heck, I wrote some open source software just to get more cock heros. But there are things that are important to me other than getting of.

Your only semi-decent counter, skipping over the torrent of personal attacks, was that "everything is rational - and everything is irrational".

There are not "personal attacks", you just keep claiming that. I'm just calling you out, that's something different.

Well, I humbly disagree - let's leave it at that.

There is nothing humble about your disagreement, but yes, there is no point in continuing this. I hoped to make you see a broader, healthier and more intelligent perspective, but you are not at that point, and maybe you never will.

Enjoy your married life, kerkersklave... I hope she is worth it, mate - that she is in the good 50%. For your sake.

You could not have stated more clearly, that you haven't even read my comments.

I never, ever post here, I just wanted to say that kerkerslave is being extremely generous and patient but is likely on a fool's errand - I think that the OP here really needs to take this exact post he's made to a therapist and bounce his ideas off a professional. There's some really dark stuff in there that needs to be really carefully unpacked and dealt with one thing at a time, and I'm not sure an adult video forum is a healthy place for discussion of this kind of, um... Frankly dangerous/disturbing worldview. We've all been through some dark times in our lives and it's natural to want to help, but this person should speak to a mental health professional on this subject as soon as possible - this is well above the expertise of an internet forum, and I fear interfering could further damage the OP's sexual wellness.

Now I'm going to go back to lurking and enjoying all the lovely content you folks make, thanks for being a cool community.

And my simple claim is that in a world where relationships are basically a gruesome game of 50-50 Russian Roulette, the smart move is NOT to play - or rather, to play your beautiful CH Descents instead

I disagree with this though. Calling it a gruesome game is excessive. Life is pain. Suffering is optional. Cruelty is a choice.

You must fight for yourself, and part of that is recognizing when a relationship isn't going to work. You can't expect someone else to change your life, you have to do that for yourself.

The 50-50 figure is a goal, though most relationships skew in one direction slightly. Ideally, I want my partner to be an equal to me. If I am not getting back what I'm giving, I should have the strength to address that, or ultimately leave.

The merchant that goes to market with moldy bananas should in turn receive moldy yams. Cultivate your bananas. Nourish them. The yams will come.

Desertfox, I wanted to chime in here that I thought your reply was very insightful and you've put words to feelings I also have that I may not have been able to articulate quite so well. Particularly:

desertfox wrote: Thu Jan 20, 2022 9:42 pm This freed me up to finally be able to take in my personal situation in a better light. To realize that when I'm with my wife, I'm topping myself up on the love and intimacy that's important for me, it doesn't matter if I can't do this act or that act and have to stick to a script, we just need to be looking into each other's eyes while we strip away our defenses and just feel joy together. If I want 72 hours of edging denial or whatever, hello milovana, thanks for all your work!

It's the same for me. That love, intimacy, and mental connection is exactly what is irreplaceable about having a good long term partner (wife, girlfriend, etc). I've often marveled at the way my wife and I can still come together and share intense sexual experiences despite doing (mostly) the same vanilla things, despite our ordinary-average appearances and our middle aged bodies. It is exactly because of our mental states that this is possible. I would go further to say that all sexual satisfaction must use the mind as a platform--which sounds obvious, but is worth stating directly as I think it's very often overlooked, taken for granted, forgotten or dismissed.

I also place value on my own self pleasure and the pleasure that I can derive from porn. This also uses the mind as a foundation of course, but for me has a very different agenda and goals as compared to partnered sex (for me). I view it as a gift to myself and almost entirely physical (unless you want to count it as "self love", but it's unemotional).

I consider myself lucky to be in a marriage (coming up on 20 years now) that allows me to feel and express love through partnered sexuality as well as having a healthy independent sex life with myself where I can "Explore your sexuality!" as this forum's motto decrees. I used to get really hung up that my marriage should be all things--maybe it can be for some, more power to them!--but I've found my own way.

edging_bliss wrote: Thu Jan 20, 2022 10:26 pm I guess that if you win the 50-50 coin toss and end up with a woman that won't rip your heart out and stomp it to bits, a friends-with-benefits long-term situation is what you describe.

Edging_bliss I think you may have missed the more subtle point that a good marriage can and should be more than what you've described. Of course, it's just my opinion, but ending up in a friends-with-benefits long term situation would still be losing that coin toss to mentioned. Simply put, if there's no love and romance, no connection that goes beyond friendship, something that lets me know that they're in my corner through good and bad times, I wouldn't be interested. I may as well just do my own thing.

BTW I think that's a totally valid thing to do, I'm not chopping it down! I just don't prefer that. You may already be aware of some groups that focus on this, I believe it's called MGTOW (Men going their own way), you can find a lot of info if you google that. There's also MRP (Married red pill) or just RP (for the non-married folk).

I think most of the good things to say are already being said here, but as someone who's been in a mostly happy, mostly equal (sometimes skewed one way, sometimes the other) marriage for over twenty years with a western woman who's anything but selfish, I'm glad to see most comments here being on the sensible end. That's not always guaranteed, especially in forums surrounding male-dominated adult stuff.

A marriage is a romantic partnership, for most people, and sometimes they fall apart. There's nothing weird about that. People grow differently, and sometimes you start out very compatible, then change in different ways until you're no longer what you were. That's natural. Sometimes marriages are entered for the wrong reasons right off the bat, like demanding they marry because she got pregnant, or for family honor, or just because the couple itself is deluded about where they're going. Sometimes they're the best of intentions, but misplaced.

People are people, no matter where we are in the world. In the western world, women are finally closing in on an equality that they don't enjoy in many parts of the rest of the world. In many, many countries, the reason there are fewer divorces is due to religion not allowing it and having way too much weight in people's lives, or they're so patriarchal that women don't have the option to get out even when they want/need to. The rates of divorce (which are declining here, at least, in a western country) are a signal of people, and particularly women, who historically haven't had much of it, having the choice to say, "Hey, this isn't working out. Let's part ways so we're free to try again."

That's a good thing.

Women are people too, and should be entitled to all the same rights, safety and opportunities as men, and even in the western world, they don't have that yet. If someone is feeling threatened by that, that's a good opportunity to look into one's own values and question why. I can almost guarantee the right answer is not blaming women.

edging_bliss wrote: Fri Jan 21, 2022 12:38 pm I guess that you, desertfox and 3xTripleXXX are trying to communicate that there is something more to marriage than genes, religion and society - that you actually live through something that makes you happy even in the absence of all that. I honestly don't feel any of that, which is why I consider the 50-50 toin coss to get this mysterious benefit irrational. Perhaps you consider yourselves "romantic" - i.e. in love with your spouses, forever.

Ask my wife, she'll tell you I'm not the most romantic guy around But you are right, I am saying there is something more. FWIW I am non-religious, mostly non-political and something of a non-conformist with society (or at least I like to think of myself as such, it may be egoic of me to say).

I appreciate the dialog. I feel like conversations like this are, at the least, an excellent opportunity for us to understand ourselves better.

All I will say is this:

I have been alone and I have been married. Being married is far more fulfilling, rewarding, and blissful than being alone. Married men live longer and report a happier and better quality of life than single men per numerous studies. Having children is one of the greatest stresses and joys of my life. I can't even imagine living fully without experiencing the amazing journey and wonders of rearing children and creating a legacy of my own life. The problem, OP, is that while all of us married men can compare the two lifestyles, you cannot because you have been alone. You are perfectly entitled to your opinion, but it is not an informed one.

We're certainly programmed by our genes. I'm actively anti-religious, so it's definitely not religious pressure for me. Obviously we have different preferences. And while we're focusing on women for marriage here, it doesn't have to be that either for the kind of relationship I'm talking about in a marriage. There are plenty of same-sex/nonbinary marriages out here that work on the same principles, whether it's men, women or something else.

The key is the partnership, having someone to lean on and support when times are tough, and someone to share joys with when times are good. There are platonic marriages that fulfill many of those same requirements, for that matter, but while I'm far from ruled by my lust, it's nice to have a lusty partner as well, if sex is something one requires. My own sex life is a mix of sex with my wife and solo sessions, and they're both valid outlets.

I'm no longer a lovesick teenager, and the love manifests in many pragmatic ways once you've been together long enough, but it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

I am actually far more passionate about my marriage than I am my child rearing. I love my children. Yes, child rearing is hard. There's nothing wrong with saying so. I think many people who regret it were either ill-prepared for the sacrifices that have to be made to be a good parent or naturally selfish, hedonistic people. My main point is that I've experienced both singlehood and marriage, and marriage is far superior to singlehood for me.

110% agreement with SKaelov's comments! Let's get back to discussing great content and best of luck to OP getting real help!

SKaevola wrote: Fri Jan 21, 2022 2:30 am I never, ever post here, I just wanted to say that kerkerslave is being extremely generous and patient but is likely on a fool's errand - I think that the OP here really needs to take this exact post he's made to a therapist and bounce his ideas off a professional. There's some really dark stuff in there that needs to be really carefully unpacked and dealt with one thing at a time, and I'm not sure an adult video forum is a healthy place for discussion of this kind of, um... Frankly dangerous/disturbing worldview. We've all been through some dark times in our lives and it's natural to want to help, but this person should speak to a mental health professional on this subject as soon as possible - this is well above the expertise of an internet forum, and I fear interfering could further damage the OP's sexual wellness.

Now I'm going to go back to lurking and enjoying all the lovely content you folks make, thanks for being a cool community.