Milovana.com

Hey guys I'd love some feedback on my most current tease. I might continue the story with Dakota and other ladies. Maybe even including one with the "wife" But some feedback on this one will help. What to more of or less of all opinions count.

Thanks


TDrules

Break up your giant blocks into paragraphs, and then I'll do the tease and give you feedback.

Makarov wrote:Break up your giant blocks into paragraphs, and then I'll do the tease and give you feedback.

I 100% agree.

I loved it! I liked the way it started off.. the voyeur aspect was delightful. Once "caught," the tease kept me busy for quite some time. I disagree with the "break it into paragraphs, and try it again" comments. I thought it was good the way it is. I liked having a choice of punishments.... and the countdown... and a sequel with the wife finding out would be purrrrrfect. Thanks!

thanks everyone for the feed back I kind of did have some run on paragraphs something Ill have to work on the next one.....So a wife follow up.....ok you got it but Ill probably do at least one more with Dakota like a night later and then follow up with a wife......

Thanks everyone again.

wow! that's all I can say is, wow! :) today's was even better than last nite's!

thanks again.....

Not to pile on about the readability of the text, but in the future please try to use "you're" and not "your" when you want a shorter way of saying "you are." "Your" is used to show possession. For example:
"Because your horny your cock hardens" should be "Because you're horny, your cock hardens."

Using some commas here and there in the text would help to make it more readable as well.

Overall, the readability issues in the tease were too distracting for me and I lost interest after the first few pages.

eteased wrote:Not to pile on about the readability of the text, but in the future please try to use "you're" and not "your" when you want a shorter way of saying "you are." "Your" is used to show possession. For example:
"Because your horny your cock hardens" should be "Because you're horny, your cock hardens."

Using some commas here and there in the text would help to make it more readable as well.

Overall, the readability issues in the tease were too distracting for me and I lost interest after the first few pages.

Ok thanks for that feedback something else I need to work on. Hey we all need to have feedback good and bad to become better. Thanks for being honest