Milovana.com

I can't trust my kinky fantasies to anyone. What if they are revealed? So, I continue to use sites like Milovana to help me act out alone. I do some pretty kinky solo bondage and teasing. I have some "toys" that I use to create scene that has me teasing, humiliating, and punishing myself. Am I twisted? How could I share these crazy fantasies with "normal" people?

In a private relationship these things become pretty understood.

As long as your partner is a good match to you

I don't think you are twisted at all. However, as the Cheshire cat from Alice's adventures in wonderland says "We're all mad here." I expressed my kinks to my ex, but we ended up breaking up for some very different reasons, she was accepting of my "desires" and eager to satisfy my fantasies, but she was also toxic, so . . .
Best of luck,
quaz.

However my ex was not "normal" by any means. I don't know how you can express your fantasies to so called "normal" people without feeling ashamed/vulnerable. I have only let two "normal" people know. My brother, and a friend who mentioned that she had boy-toys. Turns out her boy-toys were a little more vanilla than I expected, but she didn't change how she treats me, I was and still am in the "friend-zone." You can lay it all out and hope for the best or try to use discretion and only let select people know. There are always more openly sub men than Domme women, but just keep a positive attitude, I believe there is, at least one soulmate for everyone who wants one. The real trick is finding them.
Take care,
quaz.
P.S. I have some pretty interesting toys myself.

Thanks for the encouragement. I think I'll continue enjoying my alone time. Perhaps I'll feel a bit more "normal" along the way.

Everybody has something that gets them going that they're ashamed of. In a lot of ways, our society and culture is very, very Puritanical and repressed. All of them are, even the ones that never dealt with Puritans! lol

I could wax philosophical about the origins of fear and shame and guilt, but I'll cut myself short and just say that nothing prevents humans from being happy more than shame does.

You're not alone, you're not weird, and there are people who share your fantasies and ideas about what constitutes a good time. When you feel ready, reach out and share your desires. It takes balls of steel to admit what gets you off to someone you like a lot, and it requires a fearless face-first rush into deep intimacy and vulnerability. You risk rejection when you open up about things you're ashamed of, and that's damn scary.

But without vulnerability there can be no real intimacy, and without intimacy you'll be alone and repressed and sad. Eventually the need to be intimate will outweigh the fear of rejection, and you'll take the step you need to take.