feedback for so you want to be a superstar
Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 7:06 pm
leave any questions and comments for so you want to be a superstar tease, thx
No mention of Edge?
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feedback for so you want to be a superstar
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Re: feedback for so you want to be a superstar
Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 7:20 pm
This may be bias on my part, but...
No mention of Edge?
No mention of Edge?
Re: feedback for so you want to be a superstar
Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 7:53 pm
I just read the tease (didnt follow it - Guess I dont want to be a superstar 
)
It is a rather long tease with very many pages, which should be a good thing...
But it seems like you have spend to little time on each page, if you had spend the same amount of work on a 10-20 page tease, I think it would get a greater rating (I haven't seen the rating for this one yet, but I would be surprised if it is above 3.5)
The tease have all the right elements, a good plot (WWE-girls gone tease-wild), very nice pictures, stays with the plot etc...
But it just seems like a draft that has been released to soon.
An example the spelling (the tease/my suggestion):
"now take and right maria on your cock"
- "Now, write Maria on your cock"
"now tie your angles up."
- "Now, tie your ankles up."
And a few pages (i.e. at least one) have almost unrealistic demands (i.e. a 1000 spanks - that should take 3 or 4 pages )
Bottom-line: I think you are a talented tease-writer, and if you try to make a shorter, more polished and more focused tease... It could be a winner...
--
ts
)It is a rather long tease with very many pages, which should be a good thing...
But it seems like you have spend to little time on each page, if you had spend the same amount of work on a 10-20 page tease, I think it would get a greater rating (I haven't seen the rating for this one yet, but I would be surprised if it is above 3.5)
The tease have all the right elements, a good plot (WWE-girls gone tease-wild), very nice pictures, stays with the plot etc...
But it just seems like a draft that has been released to soon.
An example the spelling (the tease/my suggestion):
"now take and right maria on your cock"
- "Now, write Maria on your cock"
"now tie your angles up."
- "Now, tie your ankles up."
And a few pages (i.e. at least one) have almost unrealistic demands (i.e. a 1000 spanks - that should take 3 or 4 pages
)Bottom-line: I think you are a talented tease-writer, and if you try to make a shorter, more polished and more focused tease... It could be a winner...
--
ts
Re: feedback for so you want to be a superstar
Posted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 5:13 am
I agree with TS. It was pretty good, but excessively long and had many elements that seemed impossible or near impossible.
Just remember to read through your tease a couple times before you make it visible so that you can catch spelling and grammar mistakes.
One spelling thing that I thought was great was where I think you were trying to write 'as fast' and it came out 'ass fat'
But keep working at it. I'm sure for someone who is really into pain, this tease was heaven. (or hell)
Just remember to read through your tease a couple times before you make it visible so that you can catch spelling and grammar mistakes.
One spelling thing that I thought was great was where I think you were trying to write 'as fast' and it came out 'ass fat'
But keep working at it. I'm sure for someone who is really into pain, this tease was heaven. (or hell)