Milovana.com

Sorry about the mysterious title, it was all I could think of that didn't run on too long.

Anyway, to anyone willing to share, when was it that you realized you were into S&M, T&D, any other acronyms that apply to the focus of this site?

Myself, looking back, I always had an interest in "helplessness". Even before I hit puberty, scenarios of loss of control, bondage, containment and the like made me feel "funny". Y'know, that excited kind of funny you get before you knew what sex was. (I CAN'T be the only one, right?)

I only really became "sure", however, when I literally ran across a page for male chastity devices on accident. I searched "BDSM" on google, clicked the odd looking "cb-3000" link without reading a description and BANG, there it was. Just the mere THOUGHT of the existence of such a thing had me aroused for days. (Again, literally. I know that 99% of the time these days that the word is overused, but not this time.) Just the mere thought of such a thing had me running for privacy for 3 days. Not too long later, I stumbled across a now defunct site called "Web Girlfriends" a few months later the site went down and I stumbled across Milovana; and here I am.

Interestingly, my Sub side was broken during the 2 month tease "A Month with Jana parts 1&2" and my mindset is more on the Dominant side of things. But Webteases are still fun to read and more exciting than "regular" masturbation anyway.

So, that's me and a bit more than I intended. Anyone else willing to share?

-Tury

I recently post an article about how I became dominant, although it doesn't go into it all. Although my mum and pop were active there was never any play or overt gestures. My pop did say "yes ma'am" all the time. Looking back now there were "things" but the average person would never detect.

I was always an alpha girl and a little bossy. Even when I started doing fetish modeling it didnt fully click. Hell even when I did pro sessions I wasn't sure. But somewhere within those 2 years it really clicked in.

Honestly it continues to be an evolution of sorts. Someone will call and we will talk about a fantasy that really peeks my interest. It can be something that I've heard about in the past but for some reason it just clicks in me differently. Has that ever happened to you? Of course I spend the upcoming months exploring and completely dissecting it.

A good example is cuckolding. When I first heard about it it didn't appeal to me at all. I just didn't fully understand it. Later, many years later I realized that I had already been doing it to a boyfriend without realizing it. Although I am single and I don't consider myself fully into the cuckold lifestyle there are things about the fantasy of it that definitely turn me on.

When i was exploring my body at a young age - I was always doing sexual activities to cause myself pain, such as being naked in a field, there was a stream in the field which had large thistle plants in - I then forced myself to do star jumps across the stream, with no chance of clearing the thistles and having them hurt my groin - i did this several times.

I also loved being handcuffed at a young age - when playing plastic handcuffs ;) and also loved being buried by friends under things. I remember when pretending to be "the secret 7" as a kid - i would always be the dog so my friend could own me and tell me what to do.

Later on when i got into sexual relationships with others i found myself wanting to be tied and did with my first girlfriend, although me and her never had sexual intercourse, we had fun by being tied up and receiving oral - being drawn on by her or letting her do what ever she liked to me.

Then a few gf's down the line i had her forcing my head into eating her left over food or nasty combinations of food together and forcing my head into it to have to eat. I was handcuffed up every day and let her do what ever she liked to me.

I could go on for hours about sexual activity when i was younger and about all the naughty things i did - I know a lot of people do like reading about me and my crazy sexual things i get up too, but I'm gonna cut it short here, as i have been told i talk too much.

Sooo when did i know?
I always knew, - I just never put a label on it until in teen years.
The urge to submit has always been there, me always being the underdog.

I love being a submissive these days - i am also submissive in a non sexual way also - I get walked all over a lot for being too nice to people and letting them have there own way. I See people taking advantage of me and i just stand there and watch it happen. I am a really weak person, I believe everyone to be above me in power and importance.

When I was younger I really didn't have much inclination towards T&D, BDSM, etc. As a teenage boy I of course got a hold of some porn but it was really just vanilla stuff (whatever I could find). I did discover edging (although I didn't know that's what it was called) and short term denial on my own though. At some point I realized that by masturbating longer and edging it gave me an incredible "buzz", and when I did eventually orgasm it was so much more intense than "normal" masturbation.

I was always into the sort of rocker/punk/goth girls too, which of course has some crossover with BDSM culture. At the time I didn't even really know BDSM was a thing though, and it wasn't until my 2nd girlfriend (when I was about 18-20) that I finally truly discovered it.

She was one of those punk/goth girls I mentioned and without her I may have never even realized how into it I was. She hinted that she was into BDSM by bringing over a porn DVD with ropes, spanking, nipple clamps, wax, etc. She probably gave me hints before that but us guys are clueless. I had never seen anything that turned me on as much as those ideas and that my GF wanted to do them. We also explored tease and denial from both sides, but nothing too extreme (only short term denial). This is probably what really put me in touch with my submissive side, something I hadn't even considered up until that point. Having a girl in control like that was unbelievably hot to me, and the rest is history.

CruelNatalie wrote:Honestly it continues to be an evolution of sorts. Someone will call and we will talk about a fantasy that really peeks my interest. It can be something that I've heard about in the past but for some reason it just clicks in me differently. Has that ever happened to you?

For sure. It really depends on my mood and the way the fantasy/fetish is introduced. There are a few fetishes (like CBT) that I'm not really that into but with the right mood, foreplay, guidance, etc I can get totally into sometimes.

edgeallday wrote: For sure. It really depends on my mood and the way the fantasy/fetish is introduced. There are a few fetishes (like CBT) that I'm not really that into but with the right mood, foreplay, guidance, etc I can get totally into sometimes.

I never say never. I've also seen men do things (willingly and with a hard on) that they said they would never do. Let's face it, for the right woman you find yourself under her spell. But chemistry is its own mystical brew. This is why BDSM is so misunderstood. They think that it's only SM and someone loves the feeling of psychical pain but really its the dynamic that is making it exciting. I do a lot of CBT in my pic and videos but it's really all centered around cock control.

I also move through spaces and return. For a few months I'll be all about sissy humiliation and then into something else. It does really all depend on my moods.

I think both my sexual awakening and realization of my submissive nature occurred simultaneously. I was 8 years old and a friend of mine, a girl I found cute, was 7.

A game we often played was a tickle game. Basically we would just tickle each other until one gave up…I always gave up first. Not that I couldn’t beat her in the tickle game, I just didn’t want to. I was bigger than she, though I was always a rather scrawny kid I was a year older. Nonetheless I would always let her win. We’d roll around on her large sofa and the floor and when we were done she would always sit victoriously on top of me while I lay prone on the ground. Then she would force me to do things under the threat that she would start tickling me again. I complied quite willingly but I, of course, made it seem as though I was afraid of those slender fingers poking my sides. The things she made me do were mild but as I think back on them I realize just how sexual they were. She would get her underwear out of her room and force me to wear it over my pants. One time she even tried putting an old tutu she had on me. It was a little too small and she struggled for several minutes, sitting on top of me pulling the tutu up to my waist all the while the part between my legs pushing against my crotch. She gave up and I remember saying to her “too bad you gave up, ‘cause I think they’d fit.” She resumed her position and continued her efforts and I enjoyed it thoroughly.

Another time after she had won our latest game of tickle she sat on top of me trying to think of what she wanted me to do this time. I remember her looking at my face, no, not my face, my mouth. “I know” she said and she bent over and took off her white cotton sock. As she did it turned half inside out. I remember seeing a small black thing on the inside of the sock, a piece of dirt, perhaps even a dead bug, who knew? All I know is that if it were any other person’s foot that sock had come from I would have been thoroughly disgusted, but in this situation I couldn't wait to feel the humiliation of it in my mouth. She saw the black thing too, flicked it off, then moved the sock towards my face. “Open up” she said, and I did. She didn’t just place the sock in my mouth, she shoved it in as far and as hard and she could. It tasted of fabric and salt and was still moist from the sweat of her foot. If it were any other person’s foot that sock came from…but it wasn’t, it was from her foot, and I loved it. There were other things she would do. Sometimes she would take the large brown cushions off of the sofa and tell me to lie down on my stomach. Then she would place the cushions on top of me and sit down on them and placidly watch T.V. while I feigned discomfort and pretended that I couldn’t breathe properly. The truth was, however, that there was no place I’d have been happier than underneath her, feeling her weight press over my whole body through those cushions, particularly how it pressed my pelvis into the floor.

These events helped to shape my whole sexuality. Though I believe I must have been born submissive to women, this girl was my earliest outlet of that desire and indeed the earliest provocateur of sexual desire within me.

During the time when I was 6 to 8 years old I would go around my friends house and we would play often with his elder sister, I forget how older she was, and she got into the habit of pushing me onto the bed and sitting or laying on top of me and squashing me. She called this squashy puddings and I think this must have been the start for me liking the more dominant female. But I had many instances while growing up were the female sex was dominant over me.

I guess at first I didn't recognise it as female domination but once I started reading porn and learning about sex the subject of the female being dominant always turned me on the most. By the time I was 16 I was already thinking of myself as sexually submissive.

I started to realize it when I was about twelve, just when I had started to enter puberty I had fantasies of a girl in my class peeing on me. I ran across the Wiki article for BDSM and my eyes must have been the size of grapefruits. I thought I was weird or something was wrong with me at the time. It really bothered me.

Even before that I remember watching a TV show with my cousins about a spy and she went undercover as a dominatrix, I can remember that even though I hadn't hit puberty that that hit a switch.