Feedback for all2true
Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 7:05 am
You have asked for feedback several times, and you have received none. Actually, that's pretty unusual since most requests for feedback are met with a response. I think it likely that folks are uncertain how to respond.
First, I want to make clear that I want to cheer on every effort of putting up a tease. Creating them is hard work. Putting your creation out there for people to see and to review is very, very tough because we all want to do well. We want everyone to like what we have created. So, thank you for creating your teases.
Your first tease is offbeat, way out of the norm for here. I have no problem with that. In fact, I applaud that. I like different.
The problem is that the images, while probably hot to you may not be hot to others. I found the contortionists to be very interesting, but they really didn't bring out any sexual response. Secondly, the tease itself lacked cohesion. You start us out with the premise that we're going to be punished by this nun who caught us beating off, but that really never goes anywhere. Instead, we're taken off into this image world of contortionists, which as I said, really did nothing for me from an erotic standpoint. If you're going to start with a theme, you have to stick with it throughout and reinforce it at various times throughout the tease.
The second tease is a more straight forward approach. I think there are two issues here. First, I didn't find the model that hot. I am sure you did, so that is just a matter of taste. However, I am glad you used a black model. There is a dearth of black models on the site. There are some VERY hot black models out there, and I would like to see more of them. But, unfortunately, this one just didn't do anything for me. I also think that the tease itself needed some ummph. Just stroking. Just stroking is fine, but it needs to have some context. Take the Piper series, for example - one of the highest rated series on the site. VERY popular. But, it's just stroking. What separates it from the rest? The context. There's a story there that lets me know WHY I am stroking. The author created a very erotic situation that makes me want to stroke, makes me want to get to the edge repeatedly...knowing I will end up frustrated just the same. With your tease, I didn't really understand why I wanted to stroke for this woman. (Want being a very broad term...want can be anything from a true desire to please to being severely blackmailed and wanting to avoid the consequences of that blackmail.)
I can't comment on the two Flash teases, yet as I haven't looked at them. I really like concept of the art-related tease...but, again, I am not sure if the images are going to be as erotic to folks as you may desire.
You need to work on three things, imho: 1) Cohesion - make every screen tie together throughout the tease; 2) Context - give me a reason to be where I am at, doing what I am doing; 3) Run your teases through a spell checker before you post it; your teases are full of spelling errors. I suggest you read them aloud prior to posting. Do them in Word or Google Docs or something like that so you can do spelling and grammar checks.
I hope none of this discourages you. Everything I've written is intended as constructive criticism and is in response to your repeated requests for feedback.
Just for the record, I hate the first tease I ever did (8-Ball), hate it. I leave it up only for personal reference and completeness. I also leave it up because it reminds me that I tried - even when I was unsure HOW to try, which is worth a lot to me, and which you have also done. Trying is how you learn the ropes.
I think you can become a very good tease author. You obviously have a creative bent, and you want to take risks. That is so cool. But, with risks come the chance that what you produce will never score that high. However, if it does connect, you'll be in TOTM territory.
Keep writing teases.
First, I want to make clear that I want to cheer on every effort of putting up a tease. Creating them is hard work. Putting your creation out there for people to see and to review is very, very tough because we all want to do well. We want everyone to like what we have created. So, thank you for creating your teases.
Your first tease is offbeat, way out of the norm for here. I have no problem with that. In fact, I applaud that. I like different.
The problem is that the images, while probably hot to you may not be hot to others. I found the contortionists to be very interesting, but they really didn't bring out any sexual response. Secondly, the tease itself lacked cohesion. You start us out with the premise that we're going to be punished by this nun who caught us beating off, but that really never goes anywhere. Instead, we're taken off into this image world of contortionists, which as I said, really did nothing for me from an erotic standpoint. If you're going to start with a theme, you have to stick with it throughout and reinforce it at various times throughout the tease.
The second tease is a more straight forward approach. I think there are two issues here. First, I didn't find the model that hot. I am sure you did, so that is just a matter of taste. However, I am glad you used a black model. There is a dearth of black models on the site. There are some VERY hot black models out there, and I would like to see more of them. But, unfortunately, this one just didn't do anything for me. I also think that the tease itself needed some ummph. Just stroking. Just stroking is fine, but it needs to have some context. Take the Piper series, for example - one of the highest rated series on the site. VERY popular. But, it's just stroking. What separates it from the rest? The context. There's a story there that lets me know WHY I am stroking. The author created a very erotic situation that makes me want to stroke, makes me want to get to the edge repeatedly...knowing I will end up frustrated just the same. With your tease, I didn't really understand why I wanted to stroke for this woman. (Want being a very broad term...want can be anything from a true desire to please to being severely blackmailed and wanting to avoid the consequences of that blackmail.)
I can't comment on the two Flash teases, yet as I haven't looked at them. I really like concept of the art-related tease...but, again, I am not sure if the images are going to be as erotic to folks as you may desire.
You need to work on three things, imho: 1) Cohesion - make every screen tie together throughout the tease; 2) Context - give me a reason to be where I am at, doing what I am doing; 3) Run your teases through a spell checker before you post it; your teases are full of spelling errors. I suggest you read them aloud prior to posting. Do them in Word or Google Docs or something like that so you can do spelling and grammar checks.
I hope none of this discourages you. Everything I've written is intended as constructive criticism and is in response to your repeated requests for feedback.
Just for the record, I hate the first tease I ever did (8-Ball), hate it. I leave it up only for personal reference and completeness. I also leave it up because it reminds me that I tried - even when I was unsure HOW to try, which is worth a lot to me, and which you have also done. Trying is how you learn the ropes.
I think you can become a very good tease author. You obviously have a creative bent, and you want to take risks. That is so cool. But, with risks come the chance that what you produce will never score that high. However, if it does connect, you'll be in TOTM territory.
Keep writing teases.
