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Was 2-3 months into dating my GF, sex was incredible but relationship was vanilla. Did not bring up D/s as I thought she wouldn't be into it and didn't want to ruin the relationship.

All was going well then during a business trip she found my extensive toy collection - dildoes, strapons, electrostim, enema toys, etc... End result is she wrote me an email explaining she can't handle all this, not into it and doesn't understand it and wants to end the relationship. i do love her and care for her but am unsure where to go from here - vanilla is so tough but so is finding the right Domme.

I did speak with her, calmly trying to explain where I'm coming from but I'm looking to hear from anyone's who's been throught this before, thoughts and ideas on next steps.

it may sound harsh, but if she wants to end a relationship based on your toys - that meens she does not really love you. Because if I found something I'm completely against in my girlftiend's playbox, but I loved her - I'd tell het that I'm not into it and tried to find a way how to make relationship work. But if she wants to break it right away - all I could say is that it took her that little.

If you want to try and save it however, you should accept her current vanilla style, and calm her down by saying that relationship meens more to you than some fetishes. That's pretty much the only way I see to avoid current crisis. You should know that the way she reacted does not meen she will never be into it. It can so happen that she'll find herself interested over time, when she thinks things through, because your interests will undoubtfully be on her mind a lot of times. And also can be brought into it over time gently step by step. If that is not happening, however, you will eventually have to make a choice - her, or your fetishes.
For example, for me my fetishes are not that important as to loose a woman I love. I like many things but a pre-requsite and main aim of most of them is make HER happy and let HER experience something she likes. I like BDSM but it seems pointless to me and not attractive at all if she doesn't like it to an extent of asking for it and looking forward to being tied up.

Thank you Nezhul, you summed it up very well. I share the same thoughts.. the relationship is certainly more important and if she's not into it I'm okay with it. We talk again this afternoon so I'll post results after.

Difficult one, but if she is vanilla and your not soon enough you are going to get frustrated.

X

You may also say that you were interested in exploring different things about your body and how it feels, and bought all kinds of toys. That's how I personally buy them. And it turns out some I like and some I don't, so the fact that I have a dildo in my toybox doesn't meen I like fucking my ass that much. I wanted to try it and found out I don't enjoy it as much with a dildo. So you can explain her that the fact that you have those toys doesn't mean you NEED to use them and can't have vanilla life.
As I said, I like BDSM, but I'd probably go with whatever my girlfriend likes. If it turns out she does not enjoy it - well, I can live without it, that's how I feel about my fetishes. And by the way, even if she does like it, it doesn't mean that we do that all the time.
Also people are often freaking out about things they do not understand. For example electro play to some may seem like a purely pain-oriented masochistic practice, simply because they don't know how it feels and ASSUME things. While in reality it can do all the way from relaxation to pleasure. Pain too, of course, but anything can cause pain. Same with anal play. People often assume it's something men do only if they are gay or masochists, while in reality anal stimulation brings male pleasure, if you know how to feel it. There's nothing wrong with exploring your body. Man's pleasure spots don't ammount to cock only, the same way as women's spot is not only the clit but VAST variety of areas and touches that are pleasurable. I guess you should at least explain her that.