Hey,
I didn't read the full (first part of the) tease, but here are some tips I came up with while skimming through it:
1. Remember, grammar is very important when it comes to making a tease. The first character of a sentence should always be capitalized.
2. You seem to use "..." too often instead of ",", ":" or "-". This makes the text look and sound weird.
3. Also, don't confuse "your" and you're"!
Here's the first page with these points in mind:
"This is the main character, Eddy.
You play a successful businessman and live in beautiful Miami, Florida.
You deal with marketing but you
're a jack of all trades kind of guy. You're very social and have some close friends. You just got out of a 2 year relationship - things just didn't work out.
You
're looking for a relationship but aren't in any rush to get back into committing again. You want to hit the clubs and chill with friends."
4. This one is just personal preference, but I like teases better if the main character isn't named or pictured. This way I can imagine it's me, instead of feeling like I am stalking on some one else's life.
________________________________________________________________________
I hope you find these tips helpful. As for the grammar, there are many programs and browser add-ons to help with that, for example this one:
https://chrome.google.com/webstore/deta ... aegchjmoea