Milovana.com

Possible issues: voice metronome and inset pictures don't always work well for me, but that could just be my shitty PC. Hopefully it runs just fine for everyone else. Let me know what you think about the content, flow, tone, reader interaction, and so on. I had a lot of fun making this one, and I hope you have fun reading it!

Someone told me the pages were moving by too quickly. But they should be set to a ten second timer. If they are moving faster than that, please let me know and I'll double-check the code.

Tease ended prematurely, right when she said to meet her in the bath it ended on the same page

Oh shit, is anyone else having that problem? I just double checked the code, and it seems to be in order. There should be a button that takes you to the next page. It's working when I preview it. Try it again.

It's ending for me during the 2nd judgement.
It ends when she says "Or another chance to humiliate yourself..."

Happened twice. Liking otherwise.

Same here for me. Tease ended prematurely at the page that says:
"Or another chance to humiliate and proove to us both......."
Great tease tough.

crashed at the same point for me as well.

Page C13 does not have a target, page looks like it should go to C14

I liked the female voice as "metronome". . I hope that this will be used more often. It's much more realistic and teasing then the anoying tock-tock-tock in other teases with metronome. The story is a little bit confusing for me and there is a sudden end in the second part, which possibly is not intentional.

I also liked the female metronome voice. Very good. But I have the same problem as the others. The tease ended between the second judgement and the final. The story is good as well, but sometimes the pages change very fast,so that i can't read the whole text.

OK, tease re-published with the bug fixed. Thank you all for being patient and helping me with that technical mistake. Also:

Spoiler: show

The "good" ending is supposed to be in your head. You are unconscious. I thought it was clear, but I guess not. The "bad" ending is you just get cut.

I personally think the timers are way too fast. Probably because english isn't my first language I wasn't able to read everything she said at some slides and that ruined the story for me, so I couldn't make my way through the tease.

jlx666 wrote:I personally think the timers are way too fast.

Yes timers are too fast. I also did'nt have time to read all of the text.

That blows my mind. To me any time over five seconds is agony, waiting for the next slide to come by, reading and re-reading the same text in frustration. It bores me to tears. I hadn't thought of ESL readers, though. I guess there should be a second option for you lot. If only there was a way to include variables in a tease, like X and 2X, so you could double the timer length for some people.

Man... This is one of those teases that just makes me want to write a huge, in-depth critique and review, but maybe it would be better if I just said for writing it.

The story of this tease runs right into my wheelhouse, and you did an amazing job creating Rashel's presence.

Spoiler: show

"I'm doing a public service removing you from the breeding population."
"It seems like a lot of fuss over such a little thing, doesn't it?"
"But I will take nothing you don't deserve to lose."

Cruel girls are hot, but sociopaths are so much hotter. Personal motto of mine. There's just this amazing difference between I honestly don't care how much you ache and I honestly don't care what happens as a result of what I'm doing to you. I really like being able to explore that level of tension and vulnerability in fiction (which is why nearly all my own teases feature sociopaths), and the character you've skillfully created here only cements you as one of my all-time favorite authors.

I'm just going to leave it there, because I have a lot more I could praise and a lot I could criticize (constructively!) about this tease, but I've been trying to wean myself off unsolicited pedantry.

Keep up the good work, I hope to see a lot more!