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SlenderSissyNewbie wrote: Sun Oct 29, 2023 9:46 am

JetBlackF wrote: Thu Oct 26, 2023 10:20 pm i coudn't do it medical reason. i don't know if consider it a fail or not. Let me know.

You may decide this by yourself, I consider mine failed, because I'm not in shape to do it. But you do you.

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If Mistress Blake asked me to, I would pledge to eagerly attend no nut November 2023.

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- always sit when peeing - beta stile
- Sissygasm is an art I haven’t mastered yet
- I love sucking cock and learned to deepthroat 8“
- I want to stay limp all the time, wanking is a terrible habit
- My lust for cum and cock is at an all time high
- My lust for feet especially smelly sneakers has increased.

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My response to the tasks set (SSC)

Having sat and reflected on these four tasks, the easiest and most authentic way for me to respond is to include all four in one response. Subsequently, what I have learnt during Locktoberfest and this being my final reflection, is that I am innately submissive. Furthermore, finding a like-minded or accepting partner is something I have been doing ever since I can remember.

Consequently, of the six Mistresses (excluding this current dynamic) in which I have been able to take the consensual submissive role to varying degrees of a sub/Domme power exchange and 24/7 lifestyle through open and honest communication with my then partners, this current dynamic represented through Mistress Blake and associated Mistresses within this interactive web-tease that I have allowed myself to engage with in a safe, sane, and consensual manner has been the experience I have always desired.

And the reason for this is because the nature of visual arousal, Mistress Blake and Skye are such ‘turn-ons’ for me, allied to the most important aspect personally – the narrative and intent of the tease - of which SlenderSissyNewbie is the author - has finally broken through a massive barrier within me regarding trust and unquestioning obedience within this type of sub/Domme relationship dynamic.

This is the biggest takeaway I have learned during this Locktoberfest, and this is what I want to take with me into my life and relationship with my wife after Locktoberfest ends; trust and unquestioning obedience.

However, what I have also learned during this last month is that I am very easily triggered when I get to a certain point in sub-space (or “transient hypofrontality" to give this state its accepted psychological term) and this occurred three times during this month-long experience, of which none of them were pleasant; in fact, the extreme opposite.

Obviously, and I explicitly express, this is not the fault of the tease but is simply a rejection sensitivity trait within me that I was unaware of because I was never able to get past the trust and unquestioning obedience aspect before in any of my past sub/Domme relationships I have had. This new found understanding and acceptance brings me full circle at this point of my reflection to the four tasks set by Mistress Skye and choices I now must make.

In week 0 (Preparation) Mistress Skye softly ordered us to reflect on our journey so far. I wrote among others the following two paragraphs:

“Having spent most of my adult-life exploring my sexuality and desires I have come to realise as I approach the big six ‘O” that most of my time I spent in this exploration was very much driven by hormones and a strong sense of lust, curiosity, and experimentation.

These days however my choices and need to satisfy my libido is much more selective; much more. This has meant that while my hormones and lust are no longer in the driving seat what has taken its place is a sense of reflecting on who I am and what I am comfortable with expressing when engaging in such activities.”

Therefore, in responding to: “Take everything you learned about yourself and about Mistress Blake and us others, and use it as the basis to deliberate a final pledge (mandatory)” I find myself once again triggered, and especially, “The pledge should reflect, what you were [are] willing to do, to continue your submission and service to us and Blake specifically after Locktoberfest”

Putting this very simply, I have also learned from the training, guidance, moments of reflection and being part of the wonderfully close and supportive community that this forum has become during this last month that surrendering to the unknown can be scary, and for me this mandatory pledge is very scary. And this is the thing, I have learned yet another thing about myself while being in chastity and taking part in this journey; Approval-seeking behaviours.

What I am now starting to acknowledge (which again is scary) is that by defining approval in that approval, for me personally, means believing something is good enough or acceptable, I am always seeking approval, I am always asking for others to accept who I am or what I have done. So, seeking approval from others often means I have not provided this for myself. I am recognising that from my teens to consenting to undertake this journey through this tease over the last month is that, finally surrendering to the fact that my submissiveness is because of my innate and realised kinky-ness leaves me completely vulnerable! This I now know is the reason that approval plays a major role in why I seek approval as an adult, as well as seeing the connection in this with trusting someone in this power dynamic I desire and being unquestioningly obedient and why this has always been so scary for me; the fear of rejection.

Which brings us to this mandatory pledge, and the question I am asking myself as I write this knowing the pledge I still have not formulated. That question being “Now that this has all happened, how will I respond?”

The truth is that my hesitation with this is because I am afraid, I will make the wrong choice, and that I worry about things that might happen. Should I say what I feel? What if I fail? Should I stay in this developing relationship as I see it? What if it does not work out?

And again, this is what I have also learned under the guidance of Mistress Blake’s narrative and intent of the whole tease. We never have all the answers—life is full of unexpected events. The key to my pledge I see is in living the life I want and to make the best decision I can based on the information I have now—and then to trust myself in what I commit to the written word. Mistress has taught and shown me that in trust I will find a way to be successful in what I want to feel and experience, and in trusting myself and the acceptance of who I am I will be able to handle whatever happens.

So, in making the choice that works best for me (SSC), through finally being shown and it being proved beyond doubt, I acknowledge that my primary sexual organ is not my dicklet anymore but is my innate submissive mind.

So, with the complete acceptance of what is, along with the faith that all is well, even without my input on what is to follow:

"If Mistress Blake asked me to, I would pledge to have the courage to tell my wife everything I have found out about myself through and because of Mistresses guidance and that by the introduction of consensual chastity transition with the cooperation of my wife to a 24/7 sub/Domme Female Led Relationship. And to express my gratitude for these insights gained over the last month and in inspiring this courage through the guidance and training received by Mistresses amazing narrative I offer myself as a ‘proof reader” for correcting grammatical and spelling errors in this year’s tease, to continue my submission and service to the Mistresses and Blake specifically after Locktoberfest.”

Spoiler: show

Well almost at the end of locktober it has been challenging but also fun I really liked how each week had a theme. It so hard to believe it has been a month tomorrow since I was locked in my cage

I loved the tasks and the taskation yesterday was something else earning the points has been a good way to gauge how pleased Mistress Blake is although the mention of sentencing yesterday made me a little nervous.

But hopefully I made enough points over the last month and that will be good news. As you know I did change to a smaller cage part way though and while the first couple of days were more difficult particularly at night. I did get used to being permitted less space. What will happen in mysentencing tomorrow I don’t know but I both excited and a little scared to find out it is after all Halloween.

As to what I have learned I learned I can be teased and resist going over the edge in Oder to earn points that are symbolic of my Mistresses approval. I have learned censored porn can be so amazingly hot if it has been ordered that is all I am allowed to see.

I have learned a blindfold changes everything and I can wear a ball gag successfully and I have learned how it feels to deep throat a dildo, what my precum taste like and many more things I can’t think of at the moment. All of which put me in my submissive place.

If Mistress Blake asked me to I would be willing stay caged longer and submit further to her will obeying more of her commands beyond locktober. Including but remaining fully shaved ond applying a humiliating henna tattoo in my shaved pubic area of her choice.

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I'll just list tasks in the order that I did them
Conditioning - I selected Bambi hypno to listen to while doing some other tasks
Exercise - did a cardio loop, hard to do only 10 minutes, I always struggle to start and then don't want to stop
Meditation - did some wim hof breathing, I always forget to do these, even though they make me feel really relaxed
Shopping - bought Njoy pure wand glass replica (see it recommended for prostate play everywhere, but original steel feels like it would be too heavy), spent way too much time on this task selecting what to buy
Acceptance - Yes, Mistress :P
Bodywriting - wrote humilating, degrading terms but this time upside down, so they remind me every time I look down on my naked body,
Pain - did the one I remembered the most, the apple and a sock task, this hurts even in the lower abdomen, but I hope Mistress Blake and Mr. Fluffles are entertained
Stay limp - an easy task
Staying hard - a mean task
Censoredge - did one edge to each of these fine specimen, really risking it by edging now
No Choice - gave a correct answer
Tame fun - gaming
7 circles - 7 ball-slaps for pain part
Blowjobs - some sucking on my knees
Blindfolding - nipple play while blindfolded & listening to hypno, made me strain a LOT,
Bondage - tied up legs and arms, collar on, clothespins on nipples and a gag, loved it
Pleasurepoints - used a feather tickler for some goosebumps and tingling
Gloved touch - it's still a weird feeling to use a glove on completely lubed up parts
Anal - did some play with a toy and at the end pushed in a buttplug to complete 1h pledge
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19 * 5 = 95

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Oh, I didn't expect reflections here. I gave it my all in my previous reflection post (day 25), so I don't want to repeat myself too much. viewtopic.php?p=355191#p355191. I also explained what I learned thanks to Locktoberfest there. Though I guess I could also list some more specific stuff like:
- what it's like to sleep with a cage on, or just what it's like to wear it for more than few days,
- how to give a better blowjob,
- that I can cum using a vibrator
- a little bit how to play with my prostate (though still lacking in that aspect),
- how to do waxplay, temperature play, CBT
- that I enjoy bodywriting a lot, especially the more degrading it is
- that I enjoy censored porn
- that I like taking & sharing photos of myself
- that I like hypnos more than I thought, but I have to find a good one and suspend the disbelief, shibby and Bambi were great,
- that other erogenous (nipples especially) zones really work, when you're horny, and that you can develop them
- why bondage & shibari work, and why being bound is paradoxically freeing,
- that I might be a little masochistic thanks to the pain tasks (though there are still hard limits there for me),
- that I would love to find compatible Master/Mistress to submit to (though preferably I would want someone that sometimes can submit to me ),
- how to motivate myself through denial,
- how to achieve high levels of subbiness.

I really enjoy the finale so far, with the 7 circles pushing me physically, unlocking task pushing me mentally, and the taskathon yesterday doing both was so intense   .

The taskathon was also a nice way of doing a recap. It reminded me of how much work the author put into Locktoberfest and how many different experiences I had. I am also really sub-high right now, thanks to it, and I want to be kept straining and teased. But all good things must come to an end, so I brace myself for tomorrow.
I didn't have enough time to enjoy it to the fullest, though. I started it way too late, but still a lot earlier than on other days. It's good that it was a Sunday.

The pledge part was really tough. There is a lot of stuff that I thought I could add, but most of it felt like a task, which felt too specific. I mean, I could probably add 10 small pledges, as selecting only one feels incomplete, but that would defeat the purpose. Overall, I wanted the pledge to reflect that I want to improve as a sub (though I feel it also develops emapthy and undestanding for a dom), which I think was the main reason (subconciously or not) why I started and continued Locktober. So the pledge had to be:
- easily achievable and measurable, but also extendable depending on my mood,
- vague enough, so it doesn't feel like a chore,
- benefiting me in the long term.

"If Mistress Blake asked me to, I would pledge to spend at least 15 minutes, twice per week, learning about my sexuality."

And I'll have to specify that doing something like achieving sexual release, watching porn, or reading erotica doesn't count. What counts is a deep effort that makes me think, so it might be journaling, writing my own erotica, researching topics related to my kinks, reading books, talking with people with similar interests, etc. Basically, anything that makes me feel like I am exploring and learning more than just mindlessly consuming.

The 15-minute clause is so that I start doing it regularly. I am a person who has to use discipline to get started but then easily does more than planned, so I can see that those 15 minutes will probably be extended most of the time and at the same time not feel overwhelming to sit down to do. I mean, everyone can find 15 minutes, right?

Even though I am not adding points and reporting for the leaderboard part, I am doing it more for myself, and as a way to gamify progress, it will still be nice to see how I compare to other slaves of Mistress Blake and to what she expected of me tomorrow .

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The past few days have been really fun! I enjoyed the task of having to please a woman irl, and enjoyed coming up with a way to do that! The 7 circles were particularly fun, but I sadly wasn't able to get past the anal task, so only earned 50 points. Fridays option to unlock was an interesting offer from Mistress, but this late in the game there was no way I was going to break my streak of denial! The taskathon was a fun look back at how far I had come, and a good way to grab some extra points late in the game!


Generally I have enjoyed this process, and I have done way better than I ever expected to - previously my longest period of chastity / denial has been about 10 days and I've absolutely smashed that! I'm almost disappointed to see it end, but I think NNN would be too much for me (there's always next year though!) Overall I've had a great time and I'm looking forward (and am slightly nervous about) Mistress Blakes final judgment of my score tomorrow... hopefully I've got enough points!

To show my devotion and to keep my submission going after I'm free, I pledge to swallow every single one of my orgasms in November for Mistress Blake!

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1.Yesturday i completed 8 tasks on teas and denial because i love to stoke my cock and edge all day long. I wrote on my body words of humiliation,

2. i learned a lot, i learned that i don't like pain and i'm not as submissive as i tought in the beginning. Every task whit humiliation or sub mindset wasn't a great turn on, like pegging, lick a cock or pain. I tried everything and i liked the challange but sissy stuff are not for me.

3. For sure the long countdown was a huge problem because you need to keep the browser open, a passord would have better result ( maybe ).
Pledge were grat and more of them would be so much fun like make (10 edge a day before bed | get hard in public/workplace restroom)
Indication of time: Major improvment will be a to give indication in the morning of the task during the day and in the evening task for the evening. I found myself with little time to make the task only because i opened it in the evening.

4. If Mistress Blake asked me to, I would pledge to cum in the new year. So the cumming date will be 1/1/2024.

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About day 26 and in it's recap: I'm apprehensive about doing tasks that involve other unsuspecting people. Even if it's something like "cause pleasure to a women", theoretically it should be good no matter my motivation, but I feel it would somehow still be iffy and inauthentic.

The choice to get unlocked was a hard one, but ultimately I don't think it was wrong. Denial is great by itself, but adding tease to it elevates it so much higher.

It doesn't feel real that 30 days of cage passed so fast. Should I be happy that I'll get to cum soon? Or maybe not so soon, depending on my sentence. Will I even be able to just have an orgasm after trying so desperately not to have one for quite a long time? Either way, it feels like an ending of a journey and I hate goodbyes.

I came from anal 2 times now I think it would be rather fitting to make my final release the same way? Maybe I should try it without the cage on, that might counter intuitively be less stimulation to my cock. But maybe mistress has some other plans for me?

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• For the first time, I came from anal 2 times. Maybe not properly, but that's something I definitely want to explore further.
• Audio porn, erotic hypnosis in particular is hot. Shibby rocks.
• There's some household stuff I've sucked or had in my ass before, but a soft, textured dildo is definitely worth it.
• Before I thought denial my be interesting, but the cost of not coming always looked high. It turns out though that it's not that bad, and the feeling of being denied can be well worth it.
• With correct mindset, when knowing how precious being denied is, teasing isn't that hard (it can still be tricky, but nowhere near as impossible as I thought it would be).
• Being a chastity addict sounded like fiction before, but it can be much truer than I could've imagined.
• Losing control can be so much fun. It's not that dissimilar to riding a roller coaster: some people can get rather scared, but if you accept your position, it can be amazing.
• Talking about scared: I'm a fearful person. Just about any unfamiliar task generated anything from mild worry to an actual fear. In all but a few tasks this was not at all warranted.
• This whole thing was in a way a life changing experience to me. But unlike some people in the forum, for me this is still just a kink. It's something I'd like to explore further for sure, but there are limits, it's most likely not something I'd like to do full time. I'll probably take a longer break after locktober is over. But I kind of already can't wait for the next locktober though?

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In the past week, Mistress taught me the importance of her pleasure going first. Any woman's pleasure goes first. My pleasure is when i can submit to her.

Mistress Lilly offered me to experience both pleasure and pain. I could show her how good i trained my mouth and ass to please a big dildo. I got aroused by the soft pain of hot wax and cold ice on my skin, and by the loud slaps on my ass with my new leather paddle. And in the end she showed me my limits, with the hot sauce on my cock head. Truly the most painful thing i experienced during locktober.

When Mistress Blake offered me to unlock myself, i pondered over the decision. It would feel wrong to just unlock and do something that goes completeley against spirit of locktober. On the other hand, it was an opportunity to repay this generosity, so i decided to worship her beautiful body by stroking slowly for 30 minutes without edging or cumming.

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I learned

• that i enjoy some pain and quite some humiliation (still can't believe i posted all those pics)
• how to deepthroat a big cock.
• that i can stay locked in chastity every day for a whole month, even though i never went for more than 4-5 days locked before.
• i'm not that much into hypno, unless the music is very catchy. Bambi drop!
• that I enjoy the humiliation of stroking my hard cock to censored porn or to a woman's feet.
• how to cum in my cage from a vibrator (though i still need to learn to get a sissygasm).
• that some toys like paddles and ticklers really are an upgrade from the improvised stuff i used in teases before.
• that when i'm right mood, some blindfolded tickling and a vibe to the cage can work wonders.
• that bondage is a really powerful tool to feel truly vulnerable. And giving up control can be very arousing.
• The longer i was denied, the easier it was to get teased.
• I'm not into men, but femboys are cute.
• that i'm more open to explore things than i thought (bodywriting, drooling in bondage, getting assfucked)
• I was almost shocked how easily the buttplug goes in now.

But i also can't deny that i can't live without stroking my cock. The daily edging session to censored porn was difficult (to not get an accident) but also one of the highlights.
Sexually submitting to a woman is definitely something i want to experience, but i don't want my whole life, every day, to revolve around that. I also would not like my GF to bring someone home, asking me to suck his cock, but if there was a mistress with a femboy sub, i'd be curious at least. I guess i'm more of a switch, so predefined sessions (lasting a from few hours to days or weeks) would be the best way to experience the Dom / Sub dynamic, changing roles from time to time.