Milovana.com

Spoiler: show

My Thoughts So Far:
The past week has been difficult, but not as difficult as I expected. I think I am becoming used to the idea of being a chaste submissive now, and have far less of a desire to touch myself or cum. I enjoyed my spa day, and had a relaxing hot bath with my cage on, which was fun! I bought myself a collar with attached nipple clamps which makes me feel super submissive to wear. It's my first collar and I'm a huge pain slut so the clamps are just an added bonus.

Once Submission week started on Sunday things definitely kicked up a notch. Kneeling for Mistress Blake and affirming everything she was going to do to me over the next week made me really strain in my cage. The body writing on Monday made me feel super slutty, and having it on me under my clothes was a rush. The bondsge yesterday was also great, I really enjoyed being gagged, tied and helpless for Master! Tomorrow sounds like it's going to hurt, and as a massive pain slut I can't wait!

I only noticed yesterday that next week is going to be Tease and Denial... that should be interesting

total points so far are in my signature

Day 11
Mistress Skye task

“Reflections on your Journey” –

Exposing my thoughts publicly

Week zero was intense. A blur of arousing and sexy images, interactive text – great narrative and direction – intense. I came into this tease-based challenge wanting to satisfy my sexual urges, and only my urges. And here is the thing. The above statement is a pretty selfish attitude towards what is being built in this tease/ journey – learning to submit and obey someone else. And this realisation for me is the ongoing aspect that is proving to be helpful but at the same time creating waves of panic with my underlying situation and my attitude/ approach/ concerns about letting go of myself and trying to be submissive to a powerful woman.

Week One brought me in a very real way to the acceptance of this understanding above and leads to me admitting publicly that stronger feelings can be experienced if I recognize that I do not know the things I have always taken for granted about ‘being sub.’ This is the acceptance I feel of being in chastity within the tease – I am learning to submit to someone else’s thoughts having control over me. I am learning to accept that I can experience more - if I let myself, by being given this safe, sane, and consensual space within the tease the opportunity to allow myself to do this.

That is, the training is the acceptance—letting the submissiveness be there if I feel safe and am confident to choose so. I am learning to accept that it is being open to the way things are in each moment without trying to manipulate or change the experience—without judging it, clinging to it, or pushing it away. Accepting that the present moment I engage in can only be as it is. Trying to change it to what I feel it should be only frustrates and exhausts me. Acceptance of myself and taking part in this journey by giving over control to Mistress relieves me of this needless extra suffering.

This is what I learned in week one of chastity. “Trust Mistress.”

However, leading into week two and completing the shopping task, I have found so far that the over-riding feeling within myself for week two has been self-regulation. This is me yet again (no one said this was going to be easy) over-thinking, not getting out of my head – censoring and trying to control the intensity of the feelings I have as and when it happens, instead of accepting, submitting, and just letting go and experiencing what it is I want and need to experience; being dominated by a powerful woman.

I need to let my innate value of submissiveness take over me and have the courage to just enjoy the waves of sensations and feelings this brings. What this week is pointing to is that to be authentic about myself, I must accept and embrace myself for what I truly feel and want and need to experience.

Week two so far is teaching me this by learning to obey and submit to being present in the moment – nothing else.
Do not think. Pay attention. Obey. This is it.

I am recognising now that I have and am always, “trying to be submissive.”

Mistress has shown and taught me I do not need to try, or think about this - I am submissive.

Thank-you Mistress for getting me this far in my journey.

And thank-you SlenderSissyNewbie for writing this tease with such skilled and sensitive understanding and empathy of submissiveness.

Mind-blowing!

my journal

Spoiler: show

For my spa treatment I decided to take a shower with a cycle of cold/hot water. Did not want to spend money I need for other things. During the cleaning day I tried do do as much as possible but with my health problems I was kinda limited. I choose to buy something naughty because nothing in the nice options was for me. Ichoose to obey to all women and it's easy for the moment. I don't have a lot of interactions with peoples, it helps. Ishould have taken the pledge for the bodywriting because it's still here so it would have been free points. I am lucky that my shorts go down almost to my knees so it's not visible. The bondage task was nice, I stayed double the max time in position.

points update: 368+18+5+10 =401

update: 246 Points

Update:
346 + 12 + 5 +10 = 373

"Exposing my thoughts:"

Spoiler: show

What a journey this has been so far!
I used chastity on myself in the past, but only for max. two or three days at a time to get myself horny for the "release" session. This tease though, the way it is written, the way it draws you in slowly and in a caring way, made me want to take Locktober seriously for the first time.

In week one i learned to overcome the urge to unlock myself and accept that, once locked in the morning, it will stay like that until i go to bed. That was the obvious part of it's motto "acceptance" to me, however i soon found out that this goes much further: Accepting to submit to someone else having control, to let submissive thoughts play out, to trust Mistress.

Week two picked up the pace quite a bit and pushed me to do things i've never done before:
- writing naughty and humiliating words on my body
- posting a nude picture (with those writings on me, omg!) on the forum for hundreds of people to see
- kneeling on the floor, bound and blindfolded, while drooling on my caged clitty and thighs
I learned that it can be fun and arousing to submit to dominant women; to stop thinking too much and start obeying. To be submissive.
On the other hand, i can feel some frustration building up since i haven't cum in those 11 days. While my penis stays limp for extened periods of time now, even when i unlock myself for the night, i feel the urge to get some form of release getting stronger. Maybe i should try out this new anal vibrator with thrusting effect that will arrive in the mail today.

Thank you to SlenderSissyNewbie for putting so much effort into writing this wonderful tease!

As per my "Mistress lil' girl" pledge i wore a pink babydoll with matching string:

Spoiler: show

16_1.JPG (47.62 KiB) Viewed 1226 times

11th Day Locktoberfest:
Baseline cage points - 24 points
Extra cage points writing task - 5 points

Active Pledges:
Get-in-Shape Pledge (October) - +60 points or -30 points
Yes, Ma'am Pledge (8.10 - 15.10) - +50 points or -25 points


Current points:
364CP + 24CP + 5CP = 393 points

points update previous points 428 + 10 (438) +5(443) +18 = new cage point today of 461

And here are my writings

This week has been well titles submission beginning with a scented bath which was quite but also following instructions on doing housework, ordering naughty stuff online and bondage, fortunately the naughty stuff I ordered was what was needed for the bondage submitting to bound so tightly was a eperiance that for sure and the new pink ball gag took some getting used to but managed to stay in bondage for 29 minutes. During my time in bondage I was still covered in degrading text written in marker. In fact you can still see traces of it despite the pledge being over, it is taking time to fully come off.

I really don’t know what I will be required to do next but it is exciting and with each passing day I am denied I become more and more horny and submissive

Of course I am still fully shaved and have been shaving every 3 or 4 days to keep on top of it. I am still able to properly clean myself without removing the cage due to the design so it has been on without removal since it was locked end of September will see how that goes though it may become necessary to remove to shave better or even change to a smaller cage if the instruction is given.

XD81 wrote: Wed Oct 11, 2023 1:22 pm As per my "Mistress lil' girl" pledge i wore a pink babydoll with matching string:

Spoiler: show

Nice pic! But it sure would look nicer if you are caged


Day 10&11 update

Journal

Spoiler: show

I guess it hasn't been that long since I last wrote, but always could think of a few more things.

For the item purchasing task, ended up getting a bigger dildo and plug, panty, and a fishnet stockings. It wasn't the first time I bought toys for myself but it was the first time I bought any female clothing for myself (my partner bought me some panties before), so I guess Mistress Blake would be happy to hear she is pushing my boundaries. Eagerly waiting them to arrive now, and hopefully should get them by the end of locktober.

Body writing was fun, and I still have some faded ink left on me. Yesterday I need to take off my shoes to adjust my socks, and I noticed some letter still clearly visible on my feet which was arousing. Interestingly there isn't too many chastity/sissy themed faproulette type of things out there. Someone should make a few like that.

As for the bondage play, I didn't have any ropes/handcuffs with me where I live now, so I have to improvise somewhat with what I got. Tied my ankle together with a string as cuffs, then used another string to tie my hands together and tethered it to my caged cock under my legs. I was kneeing on my bed and kinda just fell over sometime during the 20 minutes or so that I was tied up for. Before I always used underwear as gag, but this time I used something non-porous to allow myself to really drool all over the place. Was pretty helpless and aroused.

Also still don't have the exact parameters of my custom weekly pledge (not blaming OP here as she must been busy with all the updates), so I have been just wearing it for a couple of hours or fucking my ass during hypno tasks. Still haven't be able to milk myself yet but Mistress Blake can't blame me for trying, right...

Total cp: 352
Player Profile:

Spoiler: show

Name: locktoberfest
Genderidentity: male

Cage: metal midsize cockcage
Mode: 24/7

Cagepoints: 279
+ 20 (keep-writings-24h done)
+ 20 (no baseline but was bound for ~20min)
+ 18 + 5 + 10
= 352
Baseline Cagepoints: 18

Pledges:
pornfree (20cp done)
keep-writings-24h (20cp done)
hypnoslave (40cp till 10/13)
buttplug-salve (???cp till 10/14)
Yes,Ma'am (50cp till 10/14)
get-in-shape (60cp till 10/31)
show-items-once-arrived (30cp till ???)

day 11:

Spoiler: show

I liked the recap, especially when it reminded me about day 8. What a day that was, I won't forget it for a long time.
I've been ramping up cagetime. At the beginning it was not much longer than required 1 hour, lately I've been staying in chastity for most of my (private) waking hours. One day I've managed to go almost whole day (maybe couple of minutes less), when I was going to sleep it felt wrong to take it off, the tightness was so nice (but I was also a little bit sore). I've tried not taking it off to sleep, but it was impossible to fall asleep so I had to at some point. I thought about upgrading my goal to private, but with the cage I'm using it's hard for me to make everything align nicely to make pissing possible, while keeping it comfortable. This is a cage with a (removable) sound, so I guess with it it wouldn't be a problem. And sounding does sounds interesting, but I'm not sure if I'd be able to do it safely short term, let alone keeping it in for days. I could change cage, but I like this one, and I'd get less points if I changed.
I've read a lot on forum, and some bits I enjoyed a lot. Write more people! Also some photos are great, pic of emma111 leaking is my highlight.
The feeling from 1st week has gone down substantially. I'm not nearly as horny (outside of teases, at least). I'd like to jerk off, why not, but the urge isn't even close to what it was in the first days, when I had to put most of my willpower into not touching myself, especially when unlocked. Also I'm not getting hard that much, week 1 when taking the cage of, I'd be erect for a long time, now sometimes I'm just not.
In the first week I really wanted to stroke just to cum. Now I kind of want to edge a little to make my life harder. But I'm afraid I'd not be able to hold myself back, even more then usual. I've discovered a possible solution for that though: there are devices like edge-o-matic, and nogasm, that can edge someone for potentially unlimited amount of time. Sounds incredible and horryfing. Still I don't have one right now, and someone in the forum mentioned that next week theme is tease and denial. If it involves stroking, I don't know if I'll be able to make it far.
I wrote yesterday that "I'm scared of tomorrow" or something like that. I forgot about wednesday journal though, so it's today's tomorrow I'm afraid of.

points: 301 + 12 (beaseline) + 15 (day 11) -> 328

Pledge Update:
373 + 30 = 403

My shopping cart has arrived and i pledged to show the items on me:

Nice: Some new panties, a suspender set for stockings, new red stockings, a corset
Naughty: A 20 cm / 8 inch natural dildo and a thrusting butt plug (hidden "somewhere" in the pics)

Spoiler: show

20_2.JPG (151.87 KiB) Viewed 1016 times

21_2.JPG (146.23 KiB) Viewed 1016 times

22_2.JPG (126.55 KiB) Viewed 1016 times

locktoberfest wrote: Wed Oct 11, 2023 4:14 pm

XD81 wrote: Wed Oct 11, 2023 1:22 pm As per my "Mistress lil' girl" pledge i wore a pink babydoll with matching string:

Spoiler: show

Nice pic! But it sure would look nicer if you are caged

My pledge is to wear those items when i'm unlocked at night. I guess it could add to the frustration of those who pledged to be caged 24/7 to see me without a cage on, but maybe that's in Mistress Blake's interest?

UPDATE

Kinda a slow day it seems, I'll skip the leaderboard update and postpone my reflections in favor of writing another day or two!

At the moment 3/7 Days and the framework of week 3 are completed.

SlenderSissyNewbie wrote: Wed Oct 11, 2023 7:06 pm UPDATE

Kinda a slow day it seems, I'll skip the leaderboard update and postpone my reflections in favor of writing another day or two!

At the moment 3/7 Days and the framework of week 3 are completed.

Sending you good thoughts and feelings. The quality of your work, administrative skills, and general warmth and care for those taking part is amazing. If I can be of any help, I'm more than happy to see if I can be of any use.

Update day 11

Reflexions:

Spoiler: show

It's hard to beleive it's already been 11 days into Locktober. This has already been my longest chastity sentence, and it's exciting to think we're not even half way there. And also a little scary, but that's part of thrill. I'm actually managing quite well, although I still sometimes get sore when I try to keep in on for a whole day, but it's getting better. I think I've gotten the ring size right, and lotion helps with the soreness.
I've been enjoying this submission week a lot. The fact that every day Mistress Blake as different theme for us makes it every day new and exciting. I can't help but notice she still has been rather nice with us, even though I have a feeling that is going to change tomorrow when she is going to introduce us to pain. Tomorrow has the potencial to show us her cruel side and I couldn't be more excited. Will I regret it? Most likely.
The Yes Ma'am pledge is my favourite one so far, it's really messing with my head. I've found it somewhat difficult to keep track off, as a lot of times, especially at work, I am on auto pilot and don't think about it, but I've made a point to reflect on my interactions throughout the day and I've surprisingly found I'm usually really obedient all the time - maybe female supremacy comes natural to me.
All in all it has been a fantastic experience so far, and I can't wait to see what's in store for us next!

Points: 412 (483 from yesterday, +14 baseline, +15 task)

Reflections:

What a journey. I must admit, that this week I have been pretty pathetic so far. Don’t get me wrong. I have been locked up tight in my tiny pink chastity cage more than what I would have dreaded. I have managed the nights as well. I keep having a “hard time” once or twice a night. Funny how you never notice these errections when you are not locked up.

Anyway, I have found myself behaving very good, especially around women, ever since locking up. I don’t feel the urge to get off most of the time. I guess the cage is working. Whenever I am not locked, I ignore my cock. I try to train the cage in my head and I must admit that it is working better than I had expected.

Well, I have not finished any of the tasks this week and I don’t feel good about it. I have bought myself an even smaller cage. It should be in the mail soon. Can’t wait to try it on. Maybe I can really shrink my limp dick to a pathetic clitty.