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After masturbating the last two days consecutively without looking at porn, my desire to look at porn today was greatly decreased. On the second day I masturbated I tried to do it in the guest bathroom while my wife was taking a shower in the master bathroom. I had some trouble doing it...I think because I was trying to hurry before she finished up in the shower. I was able to complete to orgasm, but it was not nearly as enjoyable as if I'd been really aroused. That's one nice thing about porn, it helps me get to get aroused pretty quickly.

wonderbo wrote:After masturbating the last two days consecutively

THE MAN HAS A PROBLEM.

Seriously though, I hope you've patched things up with the wife. If there's still a need for suggestions, I'd suggest trying to bring the wife in on your masturbation and also on your porn. Perhaps she wouldn't feel as if you were trying to replace her if she was more involved.

Well, about 5 minutes after writing that last post, I caved. I went to xtube.com, found a video, and jerked off until I came. It was great...but then I felt guilty right afterwards. I haven't touched my dick or masturbated since that day. I have looked at porn two more times. I feel like trying not to look at porn is making me more crazy than when I was just letting myself look at it. I will say this though, even though I'm not touching my dick, I am incredibly horny...I leaked like a faucet when I looked at porn those two other times.

I admittedly didn't read this entire thread, but I figured i'd put my 2 cents in.

If it hasn't been mentioned, i'd stress that you shouldn't be overlooking the fact that your wife likely feels inadequate as a result of this, and that's probably the biggest problem.

If you have a healthy sex life with her and she's confident that you find her attractive (and that you turn her on), this shouldn't be an issue at all, to either of you. I think you feel guilty because you feel like you're hurting her. That may or may not be true. The fact that you look at porn isn't the issue here. It's the fact that the sexual dynamic you have between you is apparently weak enough that the porn is invading it and overshadowing it in her eyes.

As much as this may sound like a bad idea...if you can find a way to tip toe in and plant the idea in her head, i'd even go so far as to say you should tell her that you wish you had some sexy pictures of *her* to look at while you're alone. I don't know your wife, but there's a good chance she may find it flattering, and see that you are using porn as a supplement to her when you can't have her, and not the other way around. That's a very important distinction for you to make.

Personally, I welcome my boyfriend to look at porn, or even encourage it. I know that it can't come close to what i'm able to do to him with actual physical interaction. He has pictures of me, and I know he enjoys looking at them. Also, there are few things that build up desire more than him touching himself, looking at pictures of me while i'm out. But that's another thread altogether.

-L

I'll say up front that I don't believe masturbation and viewing pornography is bad. At least not usually. I suppose it could be if you did nothing but jack off and got fired because of missing too much work, or something similar. But porn and masturbation, in certain quantities, is healthy and normal. And there are a few women out there who understand that.

I was married for nearly fourteen years to someone who didn't understand that. In an attempt to save the marriage, I went to counseling, I attended Sexaholics Anonymous meetings, and I met with local clergy on a regular basis. Sometimes weekly. For YEARS. Because in her eyes, I was always the one with the problem.

That marriage failed for a (mostly) different reason. I have since married (six years now) a woman who understands that pornography and masturbation are not a threat to her. She is happy when I am happy. And our sex life together, as well as everything else, is full and satisfying.

What a difference!

I'm not advocating divorce. Just pointing out that, from my perspective, life with a woman who thinks you are broken when you masturbate or look at porn is, at best, tedious and stressful and usually dishonest, and at worst, hellish. Good luck, my friend.

@Lindsey - I'd say your analysis is pretty accurate. I think her feeling inadequate is also fed by the fact that I have difficulty being very aggressive in the bedroom. I used to be more aggressive, before she found my porn the first time. Ever since then it's like I feel like I don't deserve to ask for what I want in the bedroom. It's a vicious cycle because, of course, I don't get everything I want in the bedroom...which leads me back to secretly looking at porn again. Sigh.

I justify it to myself because of the large amount of times she is complaining about how tired she is, or how bad her headache is as she's climbing into bed next to me. Or, a lot of times she'll spend time working in the yard or exercising and then get in bed without showering. Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but, those are signals to me that she's not interested in sex.

Despite the above, we still have penetration sex one or two times a month, and she'll give me handjobs...or we'll mutually maturbate each other about four or five times a month. Both of these encounters are usually initiated by her. If I'm feeling really desperate I'll occasionally initiate some cuddling in bed that will sometimes lead to release. But, if she rolls over the other way, or complains about something I don't persue.

Indigo wrote:Hmm ... Lindsey .... Lindsey ... now where have I seen that name around ....

It's a fairly common name.

wonderbo wrote:@Lindsey - I'd say your analysis is pretty accurate. I think her feeling inadequate is also fed by the fact that I have difficulty being very aggressive in the bedroom. I used to be more aggressive, before she found my porn the first time. Ever since then it's like I feel like I don't deserve to ask for what I want in the bedroom. It's a vicious cycle because, of course, I don't get everything I want in the bedroom...which leads me back to secretly looking at porn again. Sigh.

I justify it to myself because of the large amount of times she is complaining about how tired she is, or how bad her headache is as she's climbing into bed next to me. Or, a lot of times she'll spend time working in the yard or exercising and then get in bed without showering. Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but, those are signals to me that she's not interested in sex.

Despite the above, we still have penetration sex one or two times a month, and she'll give me handjobs...or we'll mutually maturbate each other about four or five times a month. Both of these encounters are usually initiated by her. If I'm feeling really desperate I'll occasionally initiate some cuddling in bed that will sometimes lead to release. But, if she rolls over the other way, or complains about something I don't persue.

It sounds like she's afraid of how she measures up to the girls you're attracted to (and the things you wish she would do with you), and doesn't want to feel the rejection of not stacking up. It's easier to not try at all.

I think you need to fix this before too much time goes by and it turns into the norm for the 2 of you. Things are so much harder to change once they've developed into a pattern.

Compliment her. Put a picture of her in the dashboard of your car and make sure she notices it there. The next time you go somewhere, ask her if you can help pick out what she wears...let her know that you think she looks great in that particular shirt, pair of pants, etc. There's more than one problem going on here and i'm sorry to say that part of it may be that she feels like she doesn't know you. She may view you differently now. You need to reinforce the bond you have with her without resorting to sex in order to do that. You also need to keep sex a part of your dynamic. It's not an easy situation to take care of.

Hope that helps.

-L

@Lindsey - That makes a ton of sense. Definitely easier said than done. I made some excuses for not communicating with her very well this week mainly based on her hormones. I've learned to deal with her when she's hormonal...but it sure makes things extra challenging. Anyway, you're right. I need to show her that there's no competition for her...she's what I want. I think she needs to see me demonstrate that.

wonderbo wrote:. I need to show her that there's no competition for her.

That brings us to the important question. Is there no competition to her ? On any given day, would you rather have sex with her as you usually do, or would you rather maturbate to porn ?

@Human - Would definitely prefer to have sex with her.

wonderbo wrote:@Human - Would definitely prefer to have sex with her.

Er, then why dont you bug her for sex more often ? It seems she is the one initiating most of the time ?

Human wrote:

wonderbo wrote:@Human - Would definitely prefer to have sex with her.

Er, then why dont you bug her for sex more often ? It seems she is the one initiating most of the time ?

It sounds simple enough. I agree, that's where I need to be. It'd be nice if I could just flip a switch and turn off my insecurities...and go for it.

wonderbo wrote:

Human wrote:

wonderbo wrote:@Human - Would definitely prefer to have sex with her.

Er, then why dont you bug her for sex more often ? It seems she is the one initiating most of the time ?

It sounds simple enough. I agree, that's where I need to be. It'd be nice if I could just flip a switch and turn off my insecurities...and go for it.

*flips your insecurity switch*

There you go!

wonderbo wrote: It sounds simple enough. I agree, that's where I need to be. It'd be nice if I could just flip a switch and turn off my insecurities...and go for it.

Go for it. And if she is not in the mood, just ask for her hand and wack yourself off using her hand as a sleeve. She may go WTF but she certainly wont feel neglected and insecure by it

Human wrote:

wonderbo wrote: It sounds simple enough. I agree, that's where I need to be. It'd be nice if I could just flip a switch and turn off my insecurities...and go for it.

Go for it. And if she is not in the mood, just ask for her hand and wack yourself off using her hand as a sleeve. She may go WTF but she certainly wont feel neglected and insecure by it

Well, I see your point...I'm guessing that would make her pretty uncomfortable though.