Black Rose Witch

[LittleElfBoy]

I created my first tease!

http://www.milovana.com/webteases/showt ... p?id=19568

Please give me feedback and help me improve! I hope my non-English heritage hadn't got the better of me when it comes down to grammar and spelling :3

[youaswell]

Very well done actually, I loved how it emulated the pain of battling through spanking, I might use it in one of my teases sometime!

It was a little short though, but I can imagine that might have been due to having a hard time finding pictures (I know I do).

Keep working on it! You're pretty good.

[LittleElfBoy]

Thanks for the kind words!

The actual reason why the tease is so short is because I wanted to keep it small the first time I do one. I'm collecting pictures for my next tease already and I hear you! It is hard to find pictures. I usually look at gelbooru, what are your sources?

[youaswell]

Thanks for the kind words!

The actual reason why the tease is so short is because I wanted to keep it small the first time I do one. I'm collecting pictures for my next tease already and I hear you! It is hard to find pictures. I usually look at gelbooru, what are your sources?

I also just use Gelbooru!

[Eofan]

Very good for your first tease :)
Just did it and I really like the concept of the dueling. Keep up the good work ;)

[FicklePickleTickle]

I will say ahead of time that my grammar is on a much higher level than most people, so hopefully the corrections that I place here aren't too picky. I don't know how to shut off that part of me. :) I will put everything in spoilers, so as to not ruin the tease for anyone else. I'm just going to copy and paste the whole page for any page that needs any editing. I hope that works for you. If you need any explanation for the corrections, I can help you out, but for now, I will just help you with what you asked.

Page 1:

Spoiler: show

You see her and can't believe your luck. The hottest duelist in the world, Akiza Izinski, is right in front of you! You can't help but gaze at her.

"You there! Come over here!", she suddenly calls out. You look around. You two are the only ones here. She must have meant you!

"Are you deaf? I told you to come over here!", she repeats, and immediately, you are happy to oblige and go to her.

Page 2:

Spoiler: show

"I've seen you staring at me. I guess you like my body, don't you?", she asks and teasingly sticks out her chest a little bit more.

A bit overwhelmed by her open gesture, you answer with a nod, which causes her to giggle suddenly.
"Are you a virgin? Oh, why do I ask? Of course you are.", she says, and playfully lets her gloved hand slide on your cheek.

"Listen boy! I don't deal with losers, and I guess you know the only way you could impress me, right?"

"A duel?", you ask and she nods. "Yes."

Page 3:

Spoiler: show

"How about we set the stakes a bit higher?", she suggests while her eyes are checking out your body. "If you win, you can do anything you want to me. . . and if I win. . . well, you'll find out.", she tells you.

Her hot body and marvelous scent are more than enough motivation for you to accept her challenge. After all, how difficult could it be to defeat her?

"Good.", she exclaims happily, and readies her duel disc, and so do you.

Page 4:

Spoiler: show

You haven't expected to face such tough competition from Akiza! You struggle to hold against her increasingly violent plays. Her psycho-duel skills are putting quite a toll on your body. You can actually feel her plant monsters attacking you.

[Spank your ass 25 times]

"This is just the start!", Akiza exclaims. She seems to be highly aroused. She obviously loves to see you squirm in pain.

You don't see any way to win this duel anymore. You can try to hold on and maybe miraculously turn the duel around, but at the risk of going through more pain.

You could also submit to her. This might spare you pain, but it could also anger Akiza, and who knows what she does to you then.


[Click continue if you continue playing. Go to page 8 if you immediately submit to her.]

Page 5:

Spoiler: show

Despite the pain, you decide to continue. Akiza seems delighted that you didn't chicken out, but it doesn't seem like she's going easier on you.

Your dismay turns into terror as she does her next move. "I summon the Black Rose Dragon!", she calls. Due to her psycho dueling, the monster is physically there, and its next attack painfully rips your clothes away.

[Get naked]

Akiza laughs. "You call yourself a man? Man, I don't even know if this is a dick or a clit!", she taunts you. "Get it hard. Maybe then I can stop laughing.", she says and then turns around and slaps her butt.

[Get hard, then continue.]

Page 6:

Spoiler: show

Akiza obviously enjoys torturing you. She begins to draw out the duel and destroys each and every card that you draw. You don't play anymore because you hope to win, but merely to amuse her.

"Now attack him directly!", you hear her saying.

[Pinch and pull your nipples as hard as you can for at least 30 seconds.]

"This is so much fun!", she says, almost moaning it. You can't even hold onto yourself and drop to your knees. From that angle, you can see a wet spot on her panties.

[Get onto your knees and continue.]

Page 7:

Spoiler: show

From all the pain, you have barely been able to focus on the match and you are pleasantly surprised as she walks over to you with a big grin. "You've lost.", she says.

You try to stand up but she holds a hand on your shoulder and keeps you from getting up. "You'll do what I tell you, okay? Or do you want him to take care of you?", she says and pets her dragon.

You really don't want that monstrosity to get you, so you happily promise to obey. "Good, and you will reply to every command with "Yes Mistress Akiza. Got that?", she tells you.

[If you said "Yes Mistress Akiza", go to Page 11. From now on, if you don't say "Yes Mistress Akiza" after an instruction, she will kick you in the balls ten times.]

Page 8:

Spoiler: show

"You give up?", she says and utters a sigh. "I should have guessed you are really a loser."
She walks over to you and kicks you into the balls. She continues to do so until you drop to the floor.

"Now your clothes.", she says and thorny tentacles begin to strip you.

[Take off your clothes.]

"I am going to spank you now, and after each spank, you will say, "Thank you Mistress Akiza!", or I will start over."

[Spank yourself 50 times, starting over if you don't thank her after each spank.]

Page 9:

Spoiler: show

Akiza finishes spanking you. She flips you onto your back and pushes her ass towards you face. "Kiss it twenty-five times, and after each kiss, think of a compliment about my ass. Oh, and if you can't think of one...", she says and slowly rubs your balls, "...it will be painful."

[Kiss her ass 25 times and say a compliment after each. Punch your balls if you take longer than 10 seconds after a kiss to think of a compliment, or if you repeat one.]

After the last kiss, she begins to push her ass tightly against your face, using her legs in order to keep your head steady. She strokes you cock slowly while doing so for a whole minute.

Page 10:

Spoiler: show

She gets up and blows you a kiss.

"I told you, I'm not interested in losers!", she says. Out of her pockets she takes out a chastity device. You struggle to get away but a swift kick to your gut pins you down, and you can't stop her from caging your cock.

She hands you a dildo. "You will record yourself. I want you to pleasure this dildo and pretend that it is my cock. Say how you want me to fill you with cum, and how I have the greatest dick, and so on, be creative."

She smiles sadistically. "Do it for me, and I'll take your cage off. Then you are going to masturbate to the very video that you recorded... If you can't cum to it, it's back into the cage!"

[Bad ending! Go to page 15 and rate the tease!]

Page 11: [Note: The word redress means to make something right again. It doesn't mean to put clothing back on. That correction might not be self-explanatory, so I thought I would explain. :) ]

Spoiler: show

Akiza guides you into her home without giving you time to get dressed again. She orders you to sit on a chair and begins to strip in front of you. If you touch yourself while she strips, she will walk over and punch you in the balls.

She gets a whip and sensually strokes it. "Mimic my motions."

[For the next 3 minutes, she strokes her whip extremely slowly. She beats you with it, if you dare to stroke faster. Mimic this with a ruler if you have no whip.]

She suddenly walks towards you and begins to tie the whip around your cock.

[You can substitute the whip with a shoestring.]

"And, do you think you can bring yourself to an edge?" she asks.

[Go to page 13 if you cum. Go to page 14 if you edged. Click continue if you refuse to or couldn't edge!]

Page 11:

Spoiler: show

"You need more discipline.", she says before tying you up tightly against your chair.

Over the next seven days, Akiza milks your cum and forces you to drink it. Sometimes, she puts it in your food instead. On the seventh day, she has announcement for you.

"I had decided to let you go today, but. . . it is too much fun to torture you. So. . ., slave. . ., welcome to your new life.", she tells you. Your protests are soon muffled by the gag she places on your mouth. Dark days are ahead for you. . .

[Bad ending! Go to page 15 and rate the tease!]

Page 13:

Spoiler: show

You shoot your load right in Akiza's face. She suddenly licks it up, and to your dismay, she moves to French Kiss you! Massaging your throat, you have no choice but to be fed by your own cum. She smears the rest of it along your body.

"If you cum so easily, I should take safety measures.", she says and gets a pair of panties. She forces you to wear them.

"I will get you off every time you want, but I will make you cum in these panties and you'll wear them for the rest of the day!", she says with a lustful smile.

[Okay ending! Go to page 15 and rate the tease!]

Page 14:

Spoiler: show

After you manage to edge, Akiza smiles and gets onto her knees, right in front of you. After you've recovered from the edge, she slowly begins to stroke your cock.

"If you can stand this, I'll reward you.", she says and suddenly quickens her pace. Her soft, gloved, hands run quickly over your cock!

[Stroke yourself as fast as you can for 2 minutes. If you cum, go to page 13. If you can hold it in, continue reading!]


Akiza stops and smiles at you. "You did it. You lost our duel, but you are not a loser! It's time for your reward.", she says and unties your dick. She flicks her tongue over the head and then gives you the blowjob of your life until you cum! She swallows your whole load and then smiles at you. "Let's do this again sometime!", she says.

[Best ending! Continue and rate the tease!]

Page 15: No corrections needed.

Honestly, while I made a lot of corrections, almost every one of them was very minor, and for the most part, wouldn't have changed the readability much. There were about 3 or 4 words that were misspelled, but mostly I just added commas or periods in the proper places and either combined or split sentences.

If English isn't your first language, I'm pretty impressed. I know people who are native English speakers who cannot write as well as you do, so good job.

On a side note: While this isn't my style of what I like for teases, I will say that your tease is unique in a good way. I hope you continue to come up with more ideas for everyone here at Milovana. I think you have a lot to bring. :)

I'm very tired right now and I will double check my work tomorrow. I hope this helps you. :)